Cant stop relapsing, any advice?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by FapstronautCumsmonaut, Feb 2, 2018.

  1. FapstronautCumsmonaut

    FapstronautCumsmonaut Fapstronaut

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    Ive been seriously relapsing for the past half year around the time i joined nofap in July till now and I dont know how to stop no matter how hard I try i\I end up relapsing. Ive even come to notice that I cant go past 3days without pmo longest streak Ive ever had is about 6days so you can imagine how much Ive been on pmo. Just a btw when I was relapsing now I was almost caught by my parent luckily I was able to play it safe but I think she's suspicious, thats why am even here writing this in the first place.

    I feel so discourage that Im not able to overcome this problem and the fact that Ive been consumed by this addiction makes me feel even worse, I think it is because started watching porn at a really young age around 11 till now am 20. The quality of my social life has with time slowly become less fulfilling, I used to have a fair share of good times in my life;like i would usually be out and about in social places with people without feeling weird and anxious but now it is not the same I feel like I have no social value in life, my friends and I havent been close lately almost a year now to the point we stopped talking and checking up on each other, I dont know why I keep on pushing them away. Whenever I look around and see my friends I get a sense that am not progressing in life in any form or way and it is really taking a toll on me, I feel if i continue like this Im going to end up in regretful situation.

    I feel shameful about this addiction and the fact that I cant really share it with anyone openly makes me feel pain at heart, Ive even come to notice that Ive to see my life has been full of lies of about me in general, lies that I told way back in my youth that have come back to haunt me and it disgusts me to some point whenever I look at myself in the mirror I feel hate for myself. I feel like am in a state anger and rage and sometimes it spills onto my loved ones and close people, I feel like I have a lot to say about me and all.

    I dont know how I got here like this and not sure why but I feel like porn has to do something with it, overcoming porn addiction will give me a positive feeling about myself and will really help me in the long run. Anyone else in the same scenerio?
    Thanks
     
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  2. You relapse because you still think that there is something good in porn. Half of your part thinks that porn is good and pleasurable other think that it is bad and destructive. Both parts must agree, if not you will always relapse.
     
  3. Marcothebest_1995

    Marcothebest_1995 Fapstronaut

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    It's so true because I am in the same conflict and I feel like about to relapse daily
     
  4. tyler007

    tyler007 Fapstronaut

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    @FapstronautCumsmonaut

    Hello Man,

    There are different ways around it:

    1. Physical

    A. Hit a gym + count macros (carbs, protein, fat) make sure that you stay in slight caloric deficit. Urge will go down.

    Avoid sugar. It messes up the mind and the body.

    Go for cardio and heavy weights lifting.


    2. Psychological

    A. Bible + relaxation + meditation.

    Relax man. Just relax. Fix your mind.

    It helps me to deconstruct every problem into little parts. Fix it part by part.

    Stop hang out with losers. Bad company spoils even good character.

    If you are in hopeless trouble, look into Bible. You usually get a pretty good guildance.

    Also get:

    https://www.amazon.com/Extreme-Owne...preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

    Get into the mindset that you start to fix your life and stop hesitating. Life is too short for defense. Go on Offense.

    3. Emotional

    Become a good person with rock solid values. Develop respect for yourself.

    Don't take advantage of people. Don't hurt other people.

    Be genuine.

    4. Get a adult web filter + spend less time on internet. Go out.

    Give yourself tasks and complete it.
     
  5. idou

    idou New Fapstronaut

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    hey bro
    as i read your story i feel very related specially the part of self hatred.. i feel the same sometimes i stand before the mirror for like 5 min just thinking to myself i hate you 'to my self ' i just watched porn yesterday and masterbate twice i have no friends at the time i spend all my time alone anyway we have to try and try and never lose hope easier said then done right ...
     
    FapstronautCumsmonaut likes this.
  6. DecisionPoint

    DecisionPoint Fapstronaut

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    Ok, first thing is to realize that you are not alone. Almost everyone has to deal with difficult temptations in this life and lots of people have to overcome addictions of all kinds.

    Once you accept that, try this way of thinking. This is a little tricky and it means being absolutely 100% honest with yourself.

    1) You have no right to judge yourself
    2) You are unique, loved and valued for who you are regardless of what you do(yes even if you PMO)

    Think about this. Who you are and your value has nothing to do with your actions.

    This is counter-intuitive.

    How can that be true? That would mean that someone who murdered 10 people has the same value as someone who gives millions to charity. And that would be true.

    Notice I didn’t say that the realization of your value and potential doesn’t depend on your actions. I said the value itself doesn’t depend on your actions. Of course whether your fully realize that value will ultimately depend on your actions but the first and probably most important step is see the value. It’s there.

    Why is this point important? Because first you have to give yourself that acceptance and value that IS THERE and accept that regardless of what you’ve done. It helps you to see beyond your actions and stop beating yourself up and stopping the cycle of thinking badly about yourself and your life.

    What if you knew someone who was the greatest person you ever met, selfless, giving, funny, intelligent, etc and something bad happened in their life and they started drinking and gambling? Would you focus on their drinking and gambling or would you remember who they were/are inside? Wouldn’t you want to talk to them and tell them how great they were? Wouldn’t you want to help them see what was inside of them??

    You can do the same thing to yourself. Look past your “bad” behaviors and focus on that person inside you that you know has something really good to offer. I know you don’t feel it, but it’s there. You just have to accept that, then focus on it and bring it out.

    You really don’t have the right to judge yourself, to say “I’m a rotten person because of so and so”. Just like you don’t have the right to judge others.

    Once you get there and can see that person that is beyond the PMO or other things you do that you don’t like, you can begin to look at your behaviors objectively and ask yourself “how does that make me feel in the long run?” Once you GIVE yourself the freedom to make that choice you can make it and you will make it. If you keep beating yourself over the head, you’re locked in because the beatings reinforce the bad stuff you already feel about yourself which probably led to the behavior in the first place. You see a sign in some company offices that says “the beatings will continue until morale improves”. We laugh because we know that management philosophy is insane and yet we do it to ourselves. We also do it to others.

    So, take it easy. Easy on yourself. Gentle. Take some time and work on being kind to yourself. Try it. Treat yourself like you would a close friend who’s going through a really hard time. Do some things you really like. Allow yourself to cry and be vulnerable. Laugh and find little things you really enjoy. And if you go back to the behaviors that hurt you, just step back and be aware of how they make you feel-don’t judge yourself harshly. Gently remind yourself of how it felt to be good, to do things that feel good without n intense rush.

    With some time and some love and kindness, you’ll start to be able to make good choices and those successes will lead to more successes until ultimately you feel god enough that you don’t need the pain that the other choices bring.
     
  7. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    I feel the pain you share here, @FapstronautCumsmonaut. This addiction is a life-killer on so many levels. And the shame, isolation, and confusion that comes with this fact is crushing. Truly crushing. I know all of this because I have been there. I know all of this because I'm in something of a discouraged struggle streak right now and pretty much am there.

    A few thoughts beyond all the worthy comments above:

    1. It took you nine years to get to this point with your pmo addiction. Chances are it's not going to vanish overnight. Personally I've been working to undo a forty year habit (yup!) since 2009 - a long time. So be patient and stay with it.

    2. While I am getting better at putting together pro-free streaks, earlier in my recovery (not all that long ago, actually) having streaks of 2-6 days, as you've been able to put together, were MAJOR cause for excitement. I know you want more - fair enough. But when you are pmo-ing multiple times a day, shifting to once every few days is a massive step. Good for you.

    3. Finally, there's a real sense of loneliness and isolation in your post. I really get this too. I know it's not face-to-face friendship, but posting here every day can really, really help. Your profile lists 21 posts since July - how about aiming for 20 more posts this month!?! Let us know you - and let yourself get to know us. Again this can really help; just look at all the replies above!

    Best to you and keep going...
     
  8. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    Hey FapstronautCumsmonaut,

    I know how it feels, I was feeling like that for most of my adult life. The thing is, I cannot handle my addiction alone, I need help. And people here can help me. I also have some real-life support, but unfortunately, most of the people don't take porn addiction seriously. That's why I need this forum.

    If you have no one to talk to about your problems in real life, at least come here. Don't keep the pain inside of yourself.
     
  9. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    For me I had to justify it to myself. I had to come up with the pros and cons of both.

    Pros of PMO: very short term novelty

    Cons: too many to list

    Pros of NoFap: too many to list

    Cons: none come to mind...

    So weighing that up mentally whenever an urge is there, makes my decision 100x easier to say, NO thanks to pmo.


    My only other tip is to keep busy. I have spent the last few weeks volunteering because I can't find a job. When I had free time before I was relapsing every few days or two weeks max.

    Just don't give up, you can get counselling or talk to friends/family, but the only person who can change this is you.
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
  10. Ashmxo

    Ashmxo Fapstronaut

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    In my opinion getting passed the day 3 for me was hardest thing to do, but when you get to day 3 next go to sleep... you need to tell your self " masterbaiting is a choice and I don't want too ".
     
    noonoon likes this.
  11. FapstronautCumsmonaut

    FapstronautCumsmonaut Fapstronaut

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    @EnelX Now that youve said I feel like there is a good and bad in porn, for the good part I think its the great overload of dopamine that comes with pmo, when you cum that is. Ive noticed that before I pmo I usually weigh the decision of to do so or not to but when I think of feeling you get I just seem to end up pmo even though I know it the wrong decision
     
    noonoon likes this.
  12. FapstronautCumsmonaut

    FapstronautCumsmonaut Fapstronaut

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    @tyler007 Exercising was a thing I used to do around late last year like serious working out every night before sleeping routinely, I was even getting response from friends and people that I workout and that particularly made me feel good then I stopped. I think I lost the morale to continue cause of too much pmo. Im going to follow up and try to get back to exercising.
    When it comes to religion I dont know why but if feel like am not spiritual maybe because of my actions and I wont lie I dont read the bible that much, I dont go to church last time I went was a few years back cant remember even. One thing for sure is I always try to put in effort and pray sometimes mostly when the going gets tough. Another thing also is that I cant relax I dont even know how to relax my mind is always in thought, at times I get caught in my thoughts that I even start talking to myself, I think its cause I barely have friends around. I feel like there is no clarity in my mind.
    Am actually a nice person great to be around, Ive noticed I always make people smile its that at times in some social situations anxiety gets the best of me. Im always very fearful of being anxious around people, I just dont know how to deal with it.
    I have web filters on but I keep on removing them when the urges come only to return them back after a regretful pmo.
     
    noonoon likes this.
  13. FapstronautCumsmonaut

    FapstronautCumsmonaut Fapstronaut

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    @idou I know right especially when youre from pmo, I usually get disgusted with myself so much sometimes that I dont even look at the mirror cause I dont want to face myself but today when I went past a mirror I looked at myself and told myslef 'I love you' I ended up smiling at myself and went on feeling good inside. Try doing that just say good things to yourself, it can even be about what youre wearing instead of just saying bad things about yourself cause thats the only way youll change the way you look at yourself. Same here I barely get to hang around friends or people in general, its easier said than done but lets keep on lets not loose hope
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
    noonoon likes this.
  14. FapstronautCumsmonaut

    FapstronautCumsmonaut Fapstronaut

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    @DecisionPoint Your response is well thought, were you also in the same situation as I am? Lately Ive been trying to have self love for myself, for my wrongs and my rights. Its hard to cultivate that culture when I keep on looking down on myself, Ive also noticed that I compare myself to other people in various ways like my looks compared to others, am I of worth to them, if Im richer than someone else, what I own compared to others and all that superficial stuff. I dont know why I do this but I feel like takes the zest of my life. Something else that I think I should say is that whenever I go out in the open around people especially females I tend to get sexual thoughts of me and them, I sexually objectify them it bores me sometimes cause I cant deal with it.
     
    noonoon likes this.
  15. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    This Isn’t an all-or-nothing battle. You will win some and lose some. Rather than worry about a streak think of your goals in terms of a grade. For example, last week you had 5 clean days and 2 fap days. Your grade is 5/7. What is that a “c”? Not sure. Next week try and get a better grade. Then grade yourself on the month, and then the year.
    This battle is for the long haul brother. Get comfortable.
     
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  16. FapstronautCumsmonaut

    FapstronautCumsmonaut Fapstronaut

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    @Tryingto Its really crushing and depressing the shame, isolation, confusion, the mind clog that comes with it all.
    Come to think about it I think I started watching porn at a young age around 10 like when I would sometimes find porn material around the house from my siblings even sometimes my parents but I never used to masturbate I would only watch, pmo started when we got internet at home around 12, I remember vividly the porn scene that I first pmo to cause that scene is the one that taught me to pmo, I would go to the toilet and pmo but not as much with time it became a habit. I would pmo in the most weird, unthinkable places and situations, I would do really unthinkable stuff that when I think of it am not very proud of
    I wont lie am lonely, lonelier than I think, back a few years ago I was very into social media I used to be all social and stuff even meet up and made new friends on social media platforms but as years progressed that changed I stopped be all social, I even deleted some of my accounts. I think its cause of the image I portrayed was a lie not the true me, some of it, it made me cave in and ran away from it, I didnt have the guts to face it. The lies are getting back to me and I dont know how to deal with it. Even the fact I opened this forum it made me feel better a bit, all Ive written here is very true and what Im going and been through. Ill continue with this habit every once in while just for the betterment of myself.
     
  17. FapstronautCumsmonaut

    FapstronautCumsmonaut Fapstronaut

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    @LilD Opening this forum has made me feel good a bit, the fact that Ive vented out what I felt made me feel better and more encouraged. The response Im getting here especially this forum has made feel great, such thoughtful and very non-judgemental advice, very thankful for this platform. Ill continue doing so and see where it takes me.
     
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  18. FapstronautCumsmonaut

    FapstronautCumsmonaut Fapstronaut

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    @Reborn16 and @Ashmxo before I pmo I usually go through that process of weighing the decision of pmo-ing, at first I do see the pros of not doing pmo but after awhile I end up succumbing to pmo. Its really a tough battle at times I win at times I dont but when I do boy its really gives me fire inside, Ill keep in thought of your illustration and will try to think like how successful think, a series of ups and downs but success is inevitable.
     
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  19. FapstronautCumsmonaut

    FapstronautCumsmonaut Fapstronaut

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    @noonoon Thats a different angle to look at it cause I dont usually view it from that angle, whenever I pmo I end up in binge which in turn leaves me wanting more and later feeling more degraded of myself and the cycle continue.
     
  20. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    You can try making more commitments and connections in your life too.

    The last few times I relapsed there was a common thought "I don't need my energy or concentration in the next few days, and I'm bored, so f*** it, might as well get some instant amusement".

    Now this week for example I don't have a single day that is completely free... In a way that is stressful, probably because I'm not used to it. But it's also great because I know every day for the next week I will stand a good chance at remaining on track. Simply because I don't have enough time or privacy to go there...

    I see a therapist about my porn issue, and the number one thing that comes up is to stay busy! Fill up your diary with heaps of stuff, don't get down if you don't achieve it all... that's not the point - especially for recovering addicts like us.

    Just keep doing things, be social, and if you do relapse please try to re-start as soon as possible!
     

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