Can't Stop Since I Committed to Nofap. Going Backwards.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Nighttrain87, Nov 11, 2020.

  1. Nighttrain87

    Nighttrain87 Fapstronaut

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    Has anyone experienced this? You start NoFap--my intention is no more P. I am working with a therapist on some issues and since my depression/funk has gotten worse, so has my PMO to the point where I absolutely cannot stop.

    It has never been like this. I wake up every day thinking I am not going to PMO that day and then BOOM. I have to then admit I am fully addicted at this point and it seems like it happened overnight since I've been paying more attention to it.

    My brain chemistry is wired for PMO now. I have lost self control. Scary.

    Has this happened to anyone? Meaning, you decided to get on the NoFap, No PMO journey and it got worse?
     
    Risingbackup2 likes this.
  2. Hi! Well you just told it yourself! Watching porn can be very effective on feeling better during depression. Commitment to NoFap might not be enough to override that. Sure it has happened to many of us.
     
    Risingbackup2 likes this.
  3. Night Train - that's totally understandable. As the other commenter said, PMO gives temporary relief from depression. As a therapist myself, I often tell my clients that when they start therapy, their symptoms might actually get worse - which sounds nuts! But its a normal part of the process - going to therapy means facing things that you may have been keeping down and not admitting or half-admitting for a long time. Like an old wound, in order to heal it has to be tended to which is painful. I would NOT lose hope about beating the addiction - you are on the right path and may need to get some of the depression under control before you can address the addiction. Also when we monitor a behavior at time it actually increases due to our increased attention on it. Again this is a normal part of the process. Stay with therapy and if its too difficult to give up PMO right now, focus on improving other areas that are affecting your mood. Reconnect with healthy people, exercise, address issues that can be worked through. Don't lose hope! Stay with the path and continue working on issues in therapy.
     
    Risingbackup2 and Nighttrain87 like this.
  4. Nighttrain87

    Nighttrain87 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. I need to be telling myself other things. I've not had a lack of willpower like this before. It has never been every day (once a day) in my years of PMO: never.

    I need to prove I can do this. Plus, my depression is pretty mild (AFAIK); meaning, I'm living a pretty active life and not dwelling on things consciously. I'm working out 5 days a week, being social, getting some things done.

    It's bewildering and a bit scary, more than anything.
     
    Risingbackup2 and GeeJ like this.
  5. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

    Maybe, you have changed something your day to day life that contributes to more PMO use. Make notes of things that have changed. I know you can overcome this and figure it out.
     
    Risingbackup2 and Nighttrain87 like this.
  6. Nighttrain87

    Nighttrain87 Fapstronaut

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    Hey Denver-guy, thank you for chiming in and adding this insight. What you shared makes sense and I noticed this when I tried to quit dipping after 6 years.

    My biggest issue is not letting go of some things in the past (consciously and sub) and beating myself up. I was laid off in June due to mass covid layoff and of course, you feel rejected, even though I saw it coming as they knew I was hoping to find another position in the company.

    So a lot of self-doubt and loathing took place and the PMO was the bandaid I'm unable to pay for therapy weekly as I was before the layoff, but I am occasionally seeing my therapist. I have been able to break away from PMO before, but this time is definitely the hardest ever.

    I am working on the depression, and the PMO exacerbates it. Removing the PMO would definitely help me feel better. ...And I am definitely not super depressed: mild to moderate. So I know I can beat that and the PMO.

    I'll report back later. At least I have 1 day!
     

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