Cant stop watching porn, girlfriend starting to resent me.

Hi dude

I'm sorry that you find yourself in that situation. Let's make one thing clear first: You're an addict and that means you can't "simply quit porn". You need to find the right method that works for you, you need to do a lot of soul searching, etc. bottom line: It takes time.
Tell your girlfriend the truth. Always. That's important so she keeps trusting you. However you can also tell her, that if she loves and trusts you, she will believe you when you say that you want to quit. And she has to know that that takes time. If she asks how long you can tell her 2-3 years. Maybe you do it in 1, you don't know. If she's not ok with that you gotta let her know that you can't change that reality. And you have to be prepared that she might not be ok with that reality and leaves you.
Try to negotiate with her as well as possible. Ask her to articulate as precisely as she can what bothers her about your addiction. You may find that you can elevate some of her worries.

The problem you had so far is that you had the illusion that you can make a promise to her and that would simply cure you of the addiction one day to the other. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. Even tho keeping a current or a possible future relationship intact is a fantastic motivator to quit. But it's not enough. Relapsing is part of the quitting process until you find a method that works for you.

You need to figure out several things through trial and error:
-Ask yourself what caused you to relapse so far. Was it curiosity? Were you high? Depression? A combination? Find out how you would counter it if you find yourself in the same situation.
-Ask yourself what porn means to you. Be honest with yourself. Why did you start with it, when do you use it, what are the benefits, etc. You need to figure out exactly what kind of status porn has in your life.
-Go through different quitting-methods. You'll find many on this forum. If you find that for example quitting everything at once (Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm) is too hard, dial it down. Make smaller steps. Witnessing yourself achieving small goals is much better than seeing yourself fail at large goals all the time. The first boosts your confidence the second robs you of it.

Some things to look out for:
Don't make porn your "enemy". Enemies need to be fought and we only fight things that are at least equal to us. Otherwise it's not a fight. That means if you make porn your enemy you mentally put it on a pedestal and make it more powerful than it really is. It always comes down to a choice. Yerk off to porn? Yes or no? It's just videos of hot chicks which arouse you, it can't force you. That will never change.
However your brain associates 100% of your arousal you experience during a PMO session with porn. Even tho you'd experience maybe 90% of that arousal just as well on your own without porn. But your brain doesn't see it that way. But once you realize that porn doesn't do that much, that most of it comes from you, it's easier to let go of it.

Name of the game: Decrease the importance of porn in your life to a degree where you have no more use for it.
If you somehow managed to stay clear for a year but part of your mind is still curious about certain elements of porn, you'll always be in danger of relapse. You need to change what porn means to your mind in order to be free.

Also don't get angry at yourself. That only causes the conscientious you and the lust-seeking you to drift further apart, that's not helpful. You gotta be of one mind.

If you have inner conflict about quitting, it means you didn't make a decision yet. DECIDE. You either quit or you don't. Once you've decided, all that's in the way is your biology, but your mind is at peace. Makes everything much easier.

Another trap to look out for is to "test yourself with porn". If you're "testing" yourself you give yourself the option of failing the test and most likely you will. If you have actually DECIDED there's no option for failure. You just don't do it.

All the best and good luck with your girl.

 

Good for you for being honest with your girlfriend. The truth always comes out and you telling her actually builds up trust. If she catches you it is a lot more painful.

That being said, if she decides to leave you- that’s up to her. She has already given you chance after chance. Unfortunately when it comes to porn and women we take it very personally. If you were an alcoholic and relapsed she would not take it personally. Yes, she’d be bummed out but when a PA relapses the SO tends to think “am I ugly?” “Why didn’t he just ask me for sex?” “Am I bad in bed?” “Am I not worth it?” “Why does he always look for women that look nothing like me?” And on and on and on... what I’m getting at is that your choice to continue this makes her feel bad about herself. You should quit for yourself first. If she chooses to leave, that’s a decision she will have to make. If this does happen I’d strongly suggest getting sober and one day down the road see if she wants to start fresh.
If she does give you yet another chance do NOT promise to her that you will quit. Apologize for making those promises and explain to her that it is an addiction and you will continue to be honest with her about everything.
Good luck