Can't Think

thinkinglavender

thinkinglavender

Fapstronaut
This is only day 4, and now i'm at home.. where I grew up. And I can't even think straight. I've been helping decorate a christmas tree, but I had to come up here just so I could shower. I feel like a 13 year old boy (no offense 13yr old boys ha) amd feeling like this.. I changed from PMO to just P for now, but they go together so tightly. It makes me crave P. The day before I left Boston, I kind of "spent" the night with my RA, in ways I shouldn't have. But I didn't really get off or anything.. but just having to deal with someone. She kept asking me while we were laying there "so what kind of porn do you like?" And then talking about what she likes. She didn't even realize how difficult that was, and then kept trying to get me to make a move on her, and I wouldn't.. so finally, she did. And I just went with it.
I don't know. This just feels like a failed week.
 
According to your day counter, the last 4 days have *not* been a waste. Keep doing what worked.

If you're going to have a relationship with that RA, you need to let her know that porn is a problem, or at least that you don't want to see it or talk about it. It seems that you aren't very interested in her, however.
 
I definitely just failed today.. having to reset, I suppose. Also, i'm not very interested in her. But she is pretty much a warm body, which I would feel bad about, but she doesn't have feelings for me. She just wanted to mess around, so I went along with it. Even though it didn't do much for me, it was nice to be wanted and have someone..
 
Hey man, I just want to tell you that we, man, make mistakes in our lives because we sometimes feel lonely, and we see a girl that talks to us and we tell her all about us and then.. we realize what mistake we did. Control yourself! Right? You can do it, quit porn, that's the main problem! P and M! God bless you, and avoid mistakes, please avoid them!
 
Crimson Guard said:
Hey man, I just want to tell you that we, man, make mistakes in our lives because we sometimes feel lonely, and we see a girl that talks to us and we tell her all about us and then.. we realize what mistake we did. Control yourself! Right? You can do it, quit porn, that's the main problem! P and M! God bless you, and avoid mistakes, please avoid them!
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I'm sure this is still applicable, and I appreciate it.. lol.. but for the record, I am a female. Which makes the situation a bit weirder for me haha.
 
@Ongoingsupport haha thats okay. RA means my resident advisor for college. The person who lives on my floor in the dorm to make sure we don't do bad things in the dorm and whatnot.. and we're at a Christian college, so really the whole situation is a bit messed up. A series of unfortunate events.
 
Ongoingsupport said:
Ahhhh I see.
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Yeah, I feel a bit guilty about the whole thing, and I didn't even really enjoy it. I don't really know what to do about the situation, because I definitely have feelings for a guy who is a really strong Christian. But this just adds to all the reasons i'm never going to be good enough for someone like him. I feel like I'm self imploding.
 
thinkinglavender said:
I'm sure this is still applicable, and I appreciate it.. lol.. but for the record, I am a female. Which makes the situation a bit weirder for me haha.
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Same thing then :D There were some girls that talked to me just because they were feeling unloved and such things, and made mistakes by sending me photos of them.. you know what I mean, and then, they realized that there were no real feelings, but just the loneliness feeling.
 
thinkinglavender said:
Yeah, I feel a bit guilty about the whole thing, and I didn't even really enjoy it. I don't really know what to do about the situation, because I definitely have feelings for a guy who is a really strong Christian. But this just adds to all the reasons i'm never going to be good enough for someone like him. I feel like I'm self imploding.
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Hey don't take that on yourself, it sounds like there was some definite peer pressure there on her part. Judging ourselves just makes us feel like crap. Judge the situation, and not in terms of how messed up it is which you already know but judge as in assess, but when you have some clarity, we are not going to be in that kind of clear place if we're always burdened with guilt and shame. Try to give yourself the space you need, especially around the holidays there's all this obligatory socialization but if nothing else after or pretty much any chance you have. Give yourself the peace of mind you need.
 
Ongoingsupport said:
Hey don't take that on yourself, it sounds like there was some definite peer pressure there on her part. Judging ourselves just makes us feel like crap. Judge the situation, and not in terms of how messed up it is which you already know but judge as in assess, but when you have some clarity, we are not going to be in that kind of clear place if we're always burdened with guilt and shame. Try to give yourself the space you need, especially around the holidays there's all this obligatory socialization but if nothing else after or pretty much any chance you have. Give yourself the peace of mind you need.
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I appreciate that. I probably needed to hear that. To be honest, its really hard right now, because its like I use PMO as a coping mechanism or to not have to think. But i'm just trying to keep my goals in mind. I just feel such like a failure this month.
 
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