I hate my libido. I want to get rid of it. I feel like a disgusting pervert for looking at women in public. I get concerned about Schrodinger's rapist, the women in my life afraid of doing certain things, and how I'd rather leave women alone than make them feel uncomfortable in public. I'm constantly in flatline now, lacking motivation to work out, study, or be social. I get really depressed for long periods of time, and pick up the pieces later. I also have constant anxiety that no medication has calmed down. My counselor recommends I just go back to porn, sees it as healthy. I used porn to calm down my libido so I could feel normal. Now I don't feel like I can control it, and just want it gone. I keep thinking about getting a chemical castration. I feel like I'd be able to relax and focus without a sex drive. I know this is wrong, but It's getting harder for me to say why.