Catching myself mid lapse cycle

Things have been going ok for me. I have eliminated a lot of toxic influences in my life, I have a lot of financial security and a solid support team. Which is why I was super shocked when I had a horrible urge on Thursday.

I didn't have anything going on, and I found myself in bed about to cycle through my addiction process. I opened the computer, went to my old fetish site and thankfully felt.....nothing. It was almost like I was doing a research project. I was attracted to some of the individual things I saw, like eye liner, but the actual video and desire to pleasure myself to those things was gone.

I then went to a "normal" site, which is something I hadn't done in a long time, maybe since college. I actually looked up things that I would want in real life. It still felt really weird and off putting, like I was invading someone else's life.

I'm upset that I started the cycle and gave it energy. However, I'm happy that I am slowly returning to a normal and balanced sexuality. I hope that more balance and health returns soon and I'm excited for the next few months of progress.