Challenging.

day 5 and, wow. i'm having a range of feelings...depression, disorientation, difficulty focusing at work, moody, waking up in middle of the night with powerful erections that i'm not doing anything with, avoiding certain people who aren't good for me and would pull me in a bad direction.

this moodiness worries me. what if i won't be able to function at work? i just finished a masters degree and used Prn to cope with the stress. what if the degree was a big mistake and without prn I actually won't be able to practice what I studied.

alot of fear coming up and confusion. i'm lonley. i've been alone for a very long time any way, and I worry this is my lot and i'm just going to be alone forever any way. uggh. feeling scared and anxious. does all this stuff pass? will it get easier?

open to hearing fapstronaughts with experience to chime in and give any success stories and encouragement. will keep reading the site and pay attention with you men who are doing this and are on the other side. it feels kind of impossible now, but i've been so sick of PMO to cope with life in not so good ways, that I really dont want to go back.

thanks for the support and really grateful to have this webiste to turn to.

 

Wow. Thanks a ton for this reply. Precisely what I need to hear to stay motivated. I want this, and I want this recovery bad and I don't want to mess it up so I appreciate every word you wrote. Day five today without PMO and I'm committed to keep going. Grateful...with support I think I can do this.

 

I was introduced to P as a young kid in my house. And somewhere around 12 discovered M. O soon followed. Grew up in a dysfunctional house so discovered that PMO could take me away from it all, at least for a little while. I found some 12 step programs to teach me how to deal with that family. At the age of 26 discovered support groups for possible sex addiction. I've been getting support from that s program with a modicum of results but recently it's not cutting it and definitely no long term positive results. In the last several years I've been struggling with really challenging life issues that I've tried to escape from. I'm starting to successfully overcome many of them but this PMO issue is a killer.

Additionally, for the life of me I can't date and create any significant relationship or family or simply a social life for myself. I got involved in hooking up on line. My pattern became, P, then personal ads, then hooking up. While many of my friends have moved on with their lives and created successful relationships and families, I'm still single and a failure in this area.

Recently it dawned on me that over all this recent time that I'm still doing this pattern of behavior...P is the focal point! I thought if I can stop the P as the focal point, then maybe the other stuff would fall into place, or at least be easier.

It sucks, but I'm getting older and REALLY don't want to keep doing this. I'm scared. Physically I look much much younger than I actually am which hasn't been a good thing, meaning I'm attractive and can get a ton of attention - ordinarily a positive thing, but not from someone stuck in fantasy land.

I want to stop! In desperation, I came across this website and decided to give it a try. The resources I have now without Nofap just aren't cutting it (therapy from a guy who doesn't seem to know much and some sex addiction recovery groups). In recent years I just use P as a way to cope with uncomfortable feelings. Then, if I find that MO isn't enough (which is all the time lately). I don't want to keep doing this BS! I'm afraid I could live my whole life stuck in this pattern and alone! So, here I am, giving NOFAP a try and appreciating the support and resources I'm finding so far. I want to be free. I want to change. I want to stop this PMO BS. Staying focused on a 90 day reboot.