Change. Personal Growth. Self Respect.

Day 3​

Hey, I signed up to NoFap yesterday as I suspect P&M have contributed to depression, anxiety and a general lack of fulfillment. Not to mention a distinct lack of healthy relationships, both sexual/romantic and otherwise.

Let's give this a real go!

Last night I was out at a bar and ended up dancing with a beautiful girl who brought me back to her place. After both undressing she said she couldn't as she thought she was too drunk. Obviously I didn't push the issue after that but it left me fairly frustrated and got the feeling that I was being played (though that's not necessarily the case). Ordinarily I would have descended into a "binge" when I got home but I managed to stay strong and watched some South Park instead and went to sleep.

This morning I woke up with strong urges. I am reinforcing the idea in my head that this journey will be worth it and to keep on the right path. As soon as I finish this post I'm heading to the gym to get some lovely endorphins.

Trigger: Rejection
Trigger: Frustration (a little obvious)

Overall, a frustrating yet positive experience as I got validation that I am desirable to the opposite sex but no gratification. Again, positive that I did not relapse due to this, especially at such an early stage.

 

Thanks mate! I'm taking it one day at a time and not looking any further ahead than that

Though, I have a date tomorrow evening with a girl I really quite like. Salsa dancing of all things! Haha that's me trying to be adventurous! I am slightly concerned that I'll get an erection whilst dancing given it will be the 6th day of no P&M and I was sitting with a semi for the majority of the day today behind my desk..

After scouring the web, I've got wearing tight boxers to restrict any growth but that's about it.. any ideas?

 

Day 5​

Today has been much harder. I mean literally harder... For most of the working day I have been nursing a semi under the desk. I have also found porn images of favourite videos creeping into my head through association. I try to let these thoughts drift away and continue whatever I am doing.

Trigger: Boredom

Whilst it was more difficult today I still feel proud of myself for deciding to commit to this journey and the thought of an improved/unadulterated me after 90 days gives me a warm feeling of self-respect and contentment. I also went back to the gym which, coupled with outdoor running, is like my walking stick on this challenging adventure!

Tomorrow I have a second date with a girl I like. The first date was very quick, just an hour and a half, drink in a local pub but we both enjoyed it and decided to meet up again for a salsa class. Slightly concerned about any potential "excitement" from the intimacy and connection of salsa. Tight underwear is my current solution haha! Wish me luck!

 

Day 6​

6 days completed! Only one more til the first week is done. Had a pretty good day today although quite tired from all the exercising I have taken on to fill my free time! Went on the date this evening, salsa class... My worries were definitely not needed as I was concentrating on getting the footwork right the whole time.

I enjoyed my time with the girl but it has been two dates and we still haven't kissed so I'm a bit concerned that she isn't interested in me physically/sexually/romantically. The fact that she is saying yes to going out again is a plus but I don't think I have ever gone on two dates and not had a kiss at some point.

Anyway, a positive was that I did not feel overly anxious after the date when I have been questioning whether she isn't that into me. I just thought the main points over and rationally decided to go for the kiss on the next date without fail and if I get rejected then I have my answer.

A lot more visual pornographic associations came running through my head today at work when my mind was drifting during the more boring tasks. It almost feels like my brain is searching for the normal stimulation but is having to rewire given the absence of P&M. I really hope I can stick with this for a decent amount of time.