Changing views

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Bobbyf76, Apr 18, 2018.

  1. Bobbyf76

    Bobbyf76 Fapstronaut

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    How has porn made me view women differently? Have I been unknowingly objectifying them? This is something that I have been having a few conversations about, and been pondering on. It's not something easy to face. It's not even something I saw happening. My addiction covered my eyes to it. I have been objectifying women. It's not an easy thing to say. Especially since I love my wife dearly, and have two little girls. How is it that I could be a type of man that I am obliged to protect them from? With porn addiction comes changing views. You begin to see real life women in the same light as you would the porn you are watching. They become more of an object than a person, or friend, or wife. I unknowingly treated my wife as a possession. Now I've never been mean verbally to my wife, but my actions were degrading to her. If she wanted to go out showing cleavage, I would make a big deal about it and not want her to. If she wanted to go out for a drink with her friend, I would want to be there. Not because I didn't trust her, but I didn't trust men. It was as if she wasn't my wife, but like a brand new watch. I loved it, thought it was gorgeous, but wanted to "protect" it from being damaged or stolen. In any of those scenarios, and any similar one that I can't think of right now, I was worried that someone was going to take, or try to take what was mine. Never did the idea of her just having good conversation, or having fun and relaxing or letting loose with her friends cross my mind. Letting her feel comfortable and confident enough to do what she wanted to do. My wife was mine. She was my watch that I didn't want to lose. She was my object. In porn that's all a women is. An object. Something that feeds our addiction. Something that is used in the benefit of another, whether it be feeding an addiction, getting off, or making money. It changed how I portrayed women. Not even just my wife, but any woman really. If I saw someone wearing something even slightly revealing, my first thought was always I can't believe their significant other is allowing that. Aren't they afraid someone will tey to steal what's theirs. I just thought it was normal. And back when I was younger before I met my wife, if I saw an attractive woman, I felt like I was appreciating her beauty by checking her out. I see now that I wasn't. I was using her for my own pleasure. I even did it to my wife. The first thing I noticed about her wasn't her beautiful eyes, or gorgeous smile, but her extremely sexy lips. The first thing I saw was sexual. It wasn't untill I got to know her more that I saw how goofy and funny and sweet and caring she was. There are so many great things about her, but the one that stuck with me first was sexualized. And because of the plague that porn is sweeping across our lives, a lot of men are like this. They dont even notice it as I didn't. It was just normal life, that's how it was for them. It's pretty enlightening to look back at how porn has made you view women. It's sad really. We are better than this, and I challenge you to look into yourself and see how porn has made you look at things differently. It affects so much more than we can see right now. I'm sorry for such a long post, but I hope you made it to the end, and I hope it gives you something you can think about. We can become better, and we can understand better. Thank you for reading and I hope all goes well for you in your fight.
     
    thorswrath32 likes this.
  2. Good post, quitting porn has changed my attitude towards females too. I never had the benefit of a proper relationship like you do although i did date someone for 5 years when i was younger but we were never really 'in love'. I think it's normal to take sexual cues from females and for females to take them from men, it's part of our make up but when you have a bad porn habbit it's like this 'radar' is in overdrive because you think everything is about sex and body parts, it's like you start looking for porn where there is none because we become so wired to this stimulus we never really allowed ourselves to actually switch off.
     

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