Chaser Effect, Psubs, and SOs?

SpouseofPA

Fapstronaut
My husband is a PA and also experiences the chaser effect(or so we think) so we are eliminating him PMOing all together for 90 days.
He's still allowed to "please" me though.
However sometimes After "pleasing me", he also will want to look at Psubs ( such as oogling, TV ads, anything that he can get a small dopamine drip) (chaser effect).
Is this common among you?
 
It hasn't happened for us since he stopped PMO. However, we waited pretty far into his reboot to start anything like that. What day is he on?

oh we are only about 60 or so days in. Only about a a week ago did we switch from no PM to No PMO. Cause the chaser effect for him was happening every time. and it was devastating to me.
But now even if its only Me that pleased Even with PAIN <color to indicate the kind of pain. He may still end up looking. ( its not intentional he says he doesnt try to but it just happens)

 
oh we are only about 60 or so days in. Only about a a week ago did we switch from no PM to No PMO. Cause the chaser effect for him was happening every time. and it was devastating to me.
But now even if its only Me that pleased Even with PAIN <color to indicate the kind of pain. He may still end up looking. ( its not intentional he says he doesnt try to but it just happens)
OK around day 50/60 is when we started to allow O in. We did the opposite. No PMO to then no PM. Maybe a break from all of it would help reset his brain and change his mindset?
 
We redid our Boundaries...
As this wasn't apart of his reboot plan originally, it did not count as a relapse.
It doesn't mean he went unscathed.
This is why it's important to define both and separately.

One is his addiction, one is your relationship
 
We redid our Boundaries...
As this wasn't apart of his reboot plan originally, it did not count as a relapse.
It doesn't mean he went unscathed.
This is why it's important to define both and separately.

One is his addiction, one is your relationship
i dont understand . can you explain the difference more.
 
My husband is a PA and also experiences the chaser effect(or so we think) so we are eliminating him PMOing all together for 90 days. He's still allowed to "please" me though. However sometimes After "pleasing me", he also will want to look at Psubs (such as ogling, TV ads, anything that he can get a small dopamine drip) (chaser effect). Is this common among you?

Wow, I cannot imagine coping with this situation. Pleasing my wife would bring me into close proximity to such incredible sexiness I would not be able to turn off and walk away from that: it would be sex or masturbation for me. Either your husband has far better will power than me or you are going to have to sign up for 90 days without relying on him for sexual pleasure (i.e. either go without for 90 days yourself too or see to your own pleasure).

I'm not sure if I understand the chaser effect but if you mean an increased desire to do porn the day after having sex then yes I do get that. But I am strong enough to get through it without caving in. The 90 days you and your hubby are embarking on would be a totally different level of arousal for me, not the chaser effect at all. If I think about pleasuring my wife I get turned on, if I actually do it then I am beyond that kind of will power.

Perhaps 90 days hard-mode is a bad idea? I've always decided against it because it would hurt my marriage, exactly the opposite of why I gave up porn. Does your hubby post here? What are his thoughts?
 
I'm not sure if I understand the chaser effect but if you mean an increased desire to do porn the day after having sex then yes I do get that.
Yes or to look at psubs (such as oogling ( if you are trying to stop that habit), commercials, posters, whatever.)

If I think about pleasuring my wife I get turned on, if I actually do it then I am beyond that kind of will power.
Understandable. Even if he ends up in PAIN < color means something then he says hes glad he could make me feel good and help bring us closer. ( cause he says its the only way he knows how really)

Perhaps 90 days hard-mode is a bad idea? I've always decided against it because it would hurt my marriage, exactly the opposite of why I gave up porn. Does your hubby post here? What are his thoughts?

Yea 90days is gonna be hard. My husband does post on here. not very often but once in a while he will pop up. he doesn't understand how Nofap works and Doesn't want praise, which i get, cause if it weren't for me he prolly wouldnt have posted at all..... ( ooo which i see that sounds mean but that is not how i mean it)
 
OK around day 50/60 is when we started to allow O in. We did the opposite. No PMO to then no PM. Maybe a break from all of it would help reset his brain and change his mindset?
Thats what we were hoping. but see i get times where i feel rejected by him. Like completely un loved ( he didn't do anything to make me feel that way ) i just do. and then i want Him. but i know he can't O so we tried to figure something out.
 
Thats what we were hoping. but see i get times where i feel rejected by him. Like completely un loved ( he didn't do anything to make me feel that way ) i just do. and then i want Him. but i know he can't O so we tried to figure something out.
What is your love language
 
Quality time was number 1
and then 2,3,4 are kinda mixed together
receiving gifts,
words of affirmation
acts of service
and then physical touch.


But i am not sure that i answered this well. we actually took this quiz before he revealed any of this to me.
i knew something was wring in relationship and i thought it was me so i thought we should take quiz and learn to speak better to each other.
and about 1-2 years later DDay happens.
SO maybe physical touch is more important to me now then i thought before. I dunno.
 
I probably will retry taking it.
thanks




id still like to know if this chaser effect from the men Not Oing is common.
 
But my guess, my best guess is he is looking for the a edger (like edging) stimulus to keep the high of sex going
That kinda makes sense. I mean I don't like it. But if that's what happening with his brain (even if he unaware of it) then that makes sense.
 
My husband is a PA and also experiences the chaser effect(or so we think) so we are eliminating him PMOing all together for 90 days.
He's still allowed to "please" me though.
However sometimes After "pleasing me", he also will want to look at Psubs ( such as oogling, TV ads, anything that he can get a small dopamine drip) (chaser effect).
Is this common among you?

For me the chaser effect is a very big problem. After sex, it is not uncommon that I would masturbate 3-4 times in the same day. The compulsion to do is extremely strong.

I have experimented with combating this using the strategy you explained: pleasing wife, but no orgasm for me. It has not been very easy to apply this, as my wife doesn't know yet about my PM issues (I know, dishonesty is bad, but now is not a good time to tell her due to life complications, and it would be so much easier to tell her once I have overcome this problem.)

For me personally, I don't think this has caused any chaser effect. The experience is intense, but then it somehow gets closed, and I don't dwell on it afterwords, it doesn't fuel fantasies or compulsions, at least in my case.
 
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