Chaser Effect

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Timetoquit78, Oct 12, 2019 at 11:01 AM.

  1. Timetoquit78

    Timetoquit78 Fapstronaut

    34
    35
    18
    The chaser effect is real. I’m on day 14 of the standard challenge. I had an O with the wife for the first time during the challenge two days ago. I haven’t been able to get my mind off the experience since then. I’m more aware of what is going on, but the struggle is real. I just keep replaying the experience with my wife over in my mind. I guess day dreaming about sex with my wife isn’t bad in general, but it’s hard to stop my mind from going further. I also am having a hard time keeping my hands off my wife, which I know can get annoying to her because I always seem to push the envelope too far. Typing this has helped calm me down, but does anyone have any other good advice for dealing with the chaser effect? Not having sex with my wife is not an option. I should be able to have sex with my wife and then still function like a normal adult the days after.
     
    JamesTheSquirrel likes this.
  2. Damnation

    Damnation Fapstronaut

    87
    126
    33
    There really is no other way, deal with it or stop having sex
     
    JamesTheSquirrel likes this.
  3. Timetoquit78

    Timetoquit78 Fapstronaut

    34
    35
    18
    Dealing with it is my only option. And I want to deal with it in a positive way, not slip backwards. Any thoughts or suggestions on ways to deal with it?
     
    JamesTheSquirrel likes this.
  4. Damnation

    Damnation Fapstronaut

    87
    126
    33
    Karezza or abstain, I'm on the boat with you. If I orgasm with wife i spend half the night lying awake trying to not PMO
     
    JamesTheSquirrel likes this.
  5. Timetoquit78

    Timetoquit78 Fapstronaut

    34
    35
    18
    Is the thought that if you abstain for a certain period of time, the chaser effect will end, or will we always have to learn to deal with it? I just had to search Karezza. I’d have a better shot at abstaining at this point. My wife never wants to have sex and when we do, she wants it to be over as soon as possible. All of that, I blame on myself because she use to not be that way. I’m hopeful that the longer I go without PM, the intimacy will return to our marriage.
     
    internetpioneer likes this.
  6. Damnation

    Damnation Fapstronaut

    87
    126
    33
    Talk to her about karezza, the goal is slow, non goal oriented, allow her to orgasm if she wants/can while keeping it nice and slow. Don't approach orgasm and do that for 90 days
     
    Timetoquit78 likes this.
  7. Timetoquit78

    Timetoquit78 Fapstronaut

    34
    35
    18
    It will take courage to have that conversation. She stopped asking me about P a long time ago. I think it’s easier for her to not think about it. I’ve started this journey to be a better husband and father in my own. Thanks for idea. We will see what happens.
     
    FX-05 likes this.
  8. Damnation

    Damnation Fapstronaut

    87
    126
    33
    Here's the fun part, if you can talk her into karezza, your passion and desire for her is going to start to feel like electricity arching up your body. You're going to lust for her like the day you met her. You might get her so turned on and hot, she'd be willing to do it nightly. When she feels you lusting after her again and not porn.
     
  9. Timetoquit78

    Timetoquit78 Fapstronaut

    34
    35
    18
    Ive never had an issue of lusting after her. My problem is that I start there and when it’s not returned, I go chasing it with P. But of course, I never find it. That’s a rabbit trail with zero satisfaction
     
    Ted 123 and FX-05 like this.
  10. Damnation

    Damnation Fapstronaut

    87
    126
    33
    I've spent a lot of time on a subreddit deadbedroom. While i do not have that problem, things could easily go that way. Maybe it's time to move on from that marriage. Once the passion is gone, it likely doesn't come back. High libido people suffer with low libido spouses. Don't waste your best years
     
  11. Timetoquit78

    Timetoquit78 Fapstronaut

    34
    35
    18
    No way. I’d rather never have sex again than divorce her. She means way too much to me. It will get better. Just a faze.
     
  12. Damnation

    Damnation Fapstronaut

    87
    126
    33
    Well, you are in a small minority, I hope you don't change your mind when it's too late
     
    Timetoquit78 likes this.
  13. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

    91
    86
    18
    In case no ones told you today... you are awesome. Love that you said this
     
  14. bms1985

    bms1985 Fapstronaut

    22
    32
    13
    Or perhaps she has lost her desire due to his P use. She may have felt used for a long time. like an object to act out fantasies on etc. rather than a truly loved woman. P use destroys a mans natural libido as well. And it destroys the womans soul. It takes time to heal on both sides. The fact she used to have a higher libido tells me its a psychological issue for her likely related to how she feels used etc from p.
    Timetoquit - show her you love her by quitting and recovering. Give her space to heal, be loving in other ways. I applaud you for realising this is not something to give up on your marriage over. That to me shows a real step up towards you realising she is not an object. But a real woman who wants to be desired, and likely hasn't felt your desires over recent years are true.
     
    JamesTheSquirrel likes this.
  15. BillDunlop

    BillDunlop Fapstronaut

    10
    10
    3
    When you lose all your ability to achieve an erection anymore, and can no longer ejaculate anymore, and you have diabetic neurotic nephropathy, and have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, and have led such a sedentary lifestyle sitting for 16 hours in a PC chair, and have leg, hip, knee, and sciatica, and have lost all sense of taste in your taste buds, and all foods have no taste what so ever, having the same texture as bland under cooked white rice, making you gag and throw up when you try to force your food down your throat, and you can no longer eat any regular foods without gagging, and you can no longer sit in a chair due to excruciatingly painful fissures and hemorrhoids, then you will find that sex and porn will completely go away, and masturbation and porn will be pointless, as you can no longer can feel any feeling sensation in your penis anymore, what so ever, and even a person giving you fellatio would give you absolutely no feeling or pleasure what so ever, as your penis is totally numb and dead, and only is a 1/2 inch fire hose for urination purpose's only, and to top that off you get Prostate and Colon cancer ... Masturbation and porn will become pointless ... as your nutritional consumption is limited to Boost® and Ensure® nutritional drinks twice per day ... and you are clinically dying from old age disease's, at age 60 years old ... and you do not have AIDS, nor any other sexually communicable disease's ... Sex and Porn will be completely pointless !

    Cancer is not even funny !

    Sometimes I think "The Creator" is getting me back for all the bad things I have done in life, punishing me in my "Golden Years" of life, striking me with multiple physical disabilities, and disease's.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2019 at 1:55 AM
  16. Timetoquit78

    Timetoquit78 Fapstronaut

    34
    35
    18
    Thanks for the feedback. The Chaser effect seems to have subsided after two days, which is great and what I have read. Getting up, putting my phone down and doing useful things helped out a lot yesterday.
     
    hope4healing likes this.
  17. Damnation

    Damnation Fapstronaut

    87
    126
    33
    Eventually it will fade totally, I've noticed it isn't as strong. Had sex lastnight, was able to sleep afterwards
     
    Timetoquit78 likes this.

Share This Page