Chaser effect

For my husband, it depends on when and were it hits. For example we had sex on Sunday, Monday afternoon/evening it hit, he kept himself busy outside. Then he came in to talk to me but couldn’t because I was in bed with our daughter. By the time she left, I went right to sleep because of a migraine. He put his phone on my side of bed, went through his journal then went to sleep. Told me the next day. Usually, he will talk to me, or call an accountability partner. But because of my migraine and our daughter that option was gone. He could’ve called his ap but it was late so he didn’t. Usually though, he either talks to someone or gets busy doing something else. He tries to avoid having his phone and/or being in bed if at all possible. He will not stay home alone yet. Basically, you need to have a plan before it hits!

 

For the "next morning" chaser effect, my coping strategy is just to be aware of the mechanism and take my mind off of it. This works surprisingly well.

For the urges two or three days after intercourse with orgasm I am currently trying two recipes:

1. Hugging my wife several times a day for > 15 s allows me to be connected to her. Obviously, you have to be both in the same place for this...
2. Physical activity like working out or working in the garden seem to help me.

Being on line - even on this forum - does not help me.

 

Agree with the suggestions above. An alternative avenue for intimacy with the wife is "Karezza", a sexual practice devoid of orgasm. Some individuals practicing this have been able to forgo the chaser effect.

There are a plethora of conversations on this site's forums explaining further. One of the individuals who increased awareness of this practice in the modern Western world is Marnia Robinson. She wrote a book on the topic - "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" - and has a website with forums (reuniting.info)

This practice is not the solution for everyone but worth consideration if you are unable to abstain for a few weeks/months while your brain "rewires".