Cheating with Game of Thrones

Don't worry, I won't say any spoilers.

I watched the season finale this past Sunday with a friend of mine. After the episode, I was logged into HBO Go, and I started clicking through other episodes. It quickly turned into me looking for nude scenes from earlier in the show.

I've gone without porn for about 5 to 6 months (not sure exactly, since I stopped tracking it). And I've been pretty good about avoiding porn substitutes (which are usually my downfall). I was totally aware of what I was doing, but I need to "confess" here to process my thoughts.

I've had EverAccountable for the entirety of this streak, and that has been a game changer. The temptations have gone way down. I just don't see porn in my life. The cravings have, for the most part, gone down. It's become regular. When I think of porn, I just say automatically (and easily) "I don't do that anymore." The few times I've actually WANTED or considered watching porn, I'm easily discouraged because I refuse to let my accountability partner see the porn I'm watching.

So when watching GoT, I realized I have a way to watch nudity without it flagging the filter. And since I was already there, I started looking for nudity in the show.

Some thoughts
- I don't care if this does or does not ruin my streak. Streaks are somewhat harmful (in the long run) and I'm not seeing this as "undoing" my progress.
- Once I became aware of what I was doing, I still continued doing it to "get it out of my system". I knew this would be my only chance.
- I had a shitty day the next day (mental fog, etc)
- I still have no desire to watch porn
- I have no desire to go back to HBO Go and redo this.

It genuinely felt like a one time thing. Fortunately, the season is over, and I won't be watching any HBO or non HBO tv shows any time soon. So that's all it is. A blip. During my shitty day, I was excited to get through it WITHOUT porn so that my mental fog would clear and energy would increase. And so far, it feels like I'm back there!

 

Great point! That's why I'm not a big fan of counters, because it encourages a one-time kind of thing instead of a lifestyle change. Even though we all might say we're not going to watch porn for the next 1000 days or something really high (or start low and continually raise it), it doesn't promote the idea of a lifestyle change. For instance, I know that throughout my life, I might succumb to a p-substitute here, and p-substitute there. I might even reset and watch porn again. But the idea is going from watching it 6 times a week to watching it six times a year is a huge fucking improvement. And honestly, if I watch porn once a year, my life is going to be fine. Unfortunately, I can't help myself, because usually when I watch once it leads to weeks and weeks of relapsing.

All this to say, the goal should be never watching again, but counters don't encourage the lifestyle change that you so accurately speak of.