Chickened Out

I know the feeling as I'm in a similar spot. There's a girl at a young adults church group I go to that I'd like to ask out, but even at 49 days my P/M habits still feel too recent to be deserving of her. However, I think I'll feel this way even at day 100, 1000 or beyond. I think to get past it we need to forgive ourselves first and make sure we do everything we can to never go back. We may slip up here and there but, if we want to feel better about ourselves, we must never give up.
Have you opened up to anyone about your past habits? It's not easy, but it's very freeing and when they sympathise/ support you in this journey I think it helps a lot with the shame. Shame thrives in secrecy and bringing your past into the light will help set you free.

Ps. I like your account name. It describes perfectly what we need to do!

 

You'll never be ready. There will always be something else that you need to do as a pre-requisite of being ready.

You diminish shame by starting the process of behaving in a way that you're proud of.

Starting by expressing yourself honestly and allowing her the freedom to choose.

Facing your fears, challenging yourself outside of your comfort zone, accepting reality no matter the outcome, and going after what you want are all things that can make you proud of yourself. You can't gain confidence in yourself without having the courage to start the process first.

 

There will never be a “perfect moment”. We don’t live in the movies. Just do it. I have felt those same feelings before too. You just have to go for it.

 

Hey man it happens. I think I know what may have been holding you back:

So what if your only 7 days clean? Are you not allowed to make a move on a girl you want to get to know better and build a relationship with? Don't put a block on yourself. She either likes you or she doesn't straight up. You know what you have to say to her dude! The best time to make plans with her is right now. Good luck!

-TheBigBadWolf

 

What are you ashamed of?

 

What kind of depraved thoughts?

 

What could you do to change this?

You know the cycle, you've seen it before. What are you going to do about it?

 

Thinking of Paul's "whatever is good, whatever is noble..." line, and this quote here:

What can you do to see her more as a complete woman?
Truth is, I think think we always kind of have those thoughts. They can be less frequent as we line ourselves up with God or get better at not oversexualising women, and I think there'll always be that one or two thoughts that sneak in. So the question is not if we can eliminate these thoughts, but rather, how do we respond to them? How can we grab hold of that thought, acknowledge it and say, "yep. That's a thought." and then put it aside? All without judging the value of the thought or ourselves?
I have found this to be a rather helpful approach. So maybe the next time you see this woman and you think, "Nice rack!" or "I want to slide my hand over that butt," or whatever, say to yourself, "yes, that is a thought. Now I'm going to put that thought over here and I'm going to think about something else."
What do you think of this?

 

We obviously have very different religious views, but I would say that there’s nothing wrong as long as you view her as more than just a sexual object.

It’s okay though to be sexually attracted to a woman though, as a general thing. It only becomes a problem when it’s obsessive.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. If there’s a just and kind God out there worth praising, it’s one that isn’t going to beat up on you because of this.

 

Talking to her in general is a good start. Dont focus on shame, focus on how much your trying and be proud of yourself. Focus on your accomplishment. Everyday that passes presents new challenges and new opportunities, you get to choose how you handle that day.

 

what are you ashamed of? wanting to go out with a women ? you thinking your not good enough? is it because you have watched porn and jerked off to it is that it, look it doesn't matter what excuse you use to think you have shame for JUST ASK HER OUT STOP THINKING YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING PERFECT FOR IT JUST ASK your a human being not a perfect robot STOP OVERTHINKING THIS ITS NOT HARD YOU ARE ALREADY TALKING TO HER CLOSE THE DEAL ASK HER OUT