Childhood actions, was it me or porn

Hello. So not sure how to talk about this, not something I have ever talked about but as I reflect more on my history with porn I have begun to dig this memory out more and have begun to be more troubled by it. Not even sure if this is the place to talk about it.

I began watching porn at around 6 years old, we had an illegal cable box and at 11 or 12 softcore porn would come in, playboy channel and spice channel. I would sneak out of bed to watch and often spend hours watching. This would spin into later years of watching lots of internet porn but that does not matter for the story. When I was around 8, maybe 9 I began showing the late night porn to some neighbor friends, a brother and sister, she was older he was younger. We also began doing sexual things, the 3 of us, with my urging. We did not know what sex really was but I was trying to copy the images I was seeing even though I did not understand what had been poisoning my brain for 2 years. You can't really call anything we did sex because no one had hit puberty yet but it was all sexual by nature of what happens once hormones and sex drives are introduced. I dont remember how long this stuff happened for but our parents had a falling out before anyone hit puberty so it stopped before 10 years old at the latest and we stopped hanging out.

Later she would go on to be very, very sexually active in high school collage and have a lot of trouble with acting out, even alcohol problems. He would have a lot of problems in school and beyond but turned his life around. Me, I would remain addicted to porn, avoiding any real sex until only recently.

This has all been weighing on me more lately and I can't help but feel guilty that I ruined them. That I introduced this horrible stuff to them way too young and that I am guilty of doing real wrong. We were all the same age but I was the one pushing the acts we were trying to copy from the porn we watched. I may have caused them real trauma and have begun realizing what i did.

This has been tough to begin to process and I am looking for maybe some advice. Am I to blame for something so bad? To blame for ruining 2 lives? To blame for introducing trauma like this?

 

I get that at that age no one understood anything really. It's just something that has been weighing more and more lately.
There was other stuff in their lives, a chaotic home life with abusive parents, that could have led to any number of problems. I am comparing it to much to the fact that I avoided relationships for a long time because of porn. But that avoidance may also not have been all porn, I saw a lot of bad relationships as a kids so the it was all sour in my eyes.

I think I have avoided thinking about this for a long time and nofap has be considering more things that porn has warped. I hear things like a lot of kids by 10 year olds have seen porn it begins to make me mad thinking that their brains are being poisoned like mine was.