Childhood Bullying , No Confidence, Depression - Recoverable??

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by PMO addict1, May 24, 2021.

  1. Philippian4:13

    Philippian4:13 Fapstronaut

    38
    55
    18
    Hi there,

    Similar situation to you! I was badly bullied as a child and even through jr. high. This affected my relationships, self-esteem, mental health to this day. At one point, I never thought I would experience genuine happiness. Anhedonia. Depression. Not giving a shit about anything. You name it.

    I also suffer from really bad social anxiety, but am definitely on the road to recovery. As a socially anxious person, it can be hard opening up to others, even on an anonymous forum. You're doing a really great thing!

    There's been a number of things that have been really helping me out in these last few years. Here are a few in no particular order:

    1. Focusing on giving in relationships rather than taking
    2. Practicing opening up to others (in a non-weird way ofc haha)
    3. Daily exercise at the gym
    4. Being outside in nature
    5. Eating healthy and taking supplements (CBD oil has done wonders)
    6. Prioritizing sleep
    7. Putting a stop to overthinking
    8. Taking ownership of daily decisions and avoiding the victim mentality
    9. Of course NoFap
    10. Faith in Christ, although this has been up and down lately

    I'm 24, only two years younger than you. Sometimes life feels hopeless like things will never get better. However, its crazy to think that we are less than a third of the way through our lives, and the choices we make right now can create a completely different future. For me, porn was a way to escape from my life when things felt out of control. However, the addiction wasn't the problem - only a symptom of greater issues - feeling hopeless about the future, not caring about my life, being lonely.

    Please don't think that there isn't hope because there is. Don't stop trying. Happy to chat more if you want to shoot me a message!
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2021
    PMO addict1 and MeTP like this.
  2. PMO addict1

    PMO addict1 Fapstronaut

    1,169
    491
    83
    I m Fearing if I have DYSTHYMIA ( persistence depression) , Because Since more than one year I havent enjoyed anything, Never laughed, Hopeless, And 3-4 Severe Depressive episode for 8-10 Days... , I know my depression started last year after Covid fear But my Binge PMOing and unable to start again was causing me depressed . and I m still in that depressive situation even after 10 months no pmo streak,.I am terrified that I might have DYSTHYMIA
     
  3. MeTP

    MeTP Fapstronaut

    I guess you are in PAWS stage so every kind of hypersensitivity to stress is natural and is happening right now in you.
    Due to addiction you suffer from hypofrontality that is the effect of addiction and reason for depression, emotional liability and confusion, anxiety etc.
    Everything that is going now is only additional to your basic state of addiction induced hypofrontality.
    One year is not long. I had depression for about 15 years. I overcame it. You will also. Your brain is not permanently damaged. But stress of actual situation will add more stress to your underlying issues. I had it year ago also due to lockdown. I will not describe to you all process of my recovery but I wanted to ensure you that one year of depression is not dysthymia.
    But external help will be necessary to help you to return to more balanced state.

    Seek therapist if you cannot cope with it. Although your issues are not permanent you should consider looking for external help. You may not be able to cope on your own with this issues.
     
    PMO addict1 likes this.
  4. PMO addict1

    PMO addict1 Fapstronaut

    1,169
    491
    83
    I dont know whats going on with me.... Yesterday I was satisfied when u said all the thaings that assured me that I m right... then again today... I feeling same... I recalled again if its PAWS then I remember I have this same feeling when I was fapping , So its not PAWS., as they occur after some time of abstinence... Then I also recalled I was always somewhat depressed since loong time But not like this where I Cant even Laugh once.. This is happeing since February 2020... And also had Major depressive episodes in between , Once In November when my mother got kidney desease, then In december , then in february , and one Currently in which I m hoing through, In these episodes I cant even eat anything , just lying on bed irregular heartbeat, extreme stress ... But even when episode. ends I m still unable to socialize and Laugh.., then searching dysthymia , showing EXACT same symtoms that I m facing even though This intensity has only increased since last year ,I was depressed since long But Still I used to laugh
     
  5. Philippian4:13

    Philippian4:13 Fapstronaut

    38
    55
    18
    Hi PMO Addict,

    Many people who have never experienced severe depression will never understand your struggle. They are going to say things like "Don't play the victim. Depression is all in the mind. Being depressed is your decision. All of your negative circumstances are your fault." This mentality is very prevalent in the NoFap community and does little to address the underlying emotional issues that come with depression and addiction.

    Unfortunately, these types of responses, while well-intentioned, display a complete lack of empathy and understanding about the debilitating effects of severe depression. You've struggled with this for many years and done all kinds of different things to help yourself. None of them have worked. People don't see the frustration and hopelessness that goes along with the struggle.

    It sounds to me like you are very hard on yourself. I grew up in a dysfunctional household with a narcissistic father. In our family, we never once admitted weakness, because that was taboo. As a result, I always beat myself up whenever I failed and internalized these failures.

    The first step to healing in your situation is going to be to forgive yourself for your failures. You have social anxiety? It's ok that you had an awkward interaction. So what! You're allowed to be awkward! You did something embarassing? So what! There are so many people who would find it relatable.

    The next thing you need to do is open up to others about your struggle. It's not going to be easy. It might be awkward at first. It's going to take courage. But find someone you trust, that you know has your best intentions at heart. Tell them that you are hurting and are looking for a way out. You won't believe the rush of relief that will flood over you. If you don't have anyone, feel free to shoot me a message. I'm more than happy to share my experience with you of overcoming severe depression.

    The last piece of advice for you is don't put a label on yourself. Dysmythia is a scary-sounding name for an ordinary struggle. It does not define you and is not who you are. You might label yourself as an unemployed 26-year-old with incurable dysmythia. The truth is that you are just a young man who has not had the easiest life but is struggling to find meaning.
    Please take some time to have compassion for yourself today. Cold showers, exercise, and meditation are wonderful things, but they are just tools to add to your toolbox. Healing begins when you make the decision to repair the broken parts of your mind, body, and spirit.
     
    PMO addict1 likes this.
  6. PMO addict1

    PMO addict1 Fapstronaut

    1,169
    491
    83
    Tears are literally flowing from my eyes. :(

    I WILL GET OUT OF IT.....

    I will not call myself dysthymia patient , .....

    I Have one more doubt ..... Can Long term guilt be the reason for my Current situation of depression... Because 8 months binge of Relapse After long streak made me very guilty and then Not able to start again... fapping intensively 10- 12 times then deciding that this is last fap , then again same in morning fapping to get perfect start then relapsing again in evening ... This guilt was overwelming.. Even Crying during masturbating and still not able to stop... This guilt was too much for me , then came Covid fear and all.... , That may be the reason why I m this depressed since last year , Earlier depression was bearable I could laugh when I wantd , But now I lost all my ability to have fun and Laugh... I was fearing This As Dysthymia , I dont know if this feeling can convert into Dysthymia.... , I was waiting for this feeling to go as I get more months PMO free , after many months pmo free it dosent seems to go on its own
     
    Philippian4:13 likes this.

Share This Page