Christianity and deviant sex

For Fapstronauts who are disciples of Christ

  1. What's your opinion to sex as a Christian?
    There are extremes like only having sex to make a child in form of romantic sex in missionary position with a married woman. The other extreme would be doing everything you want with everbody you want in your sex life.
    And of course a lot in between.
    What's your opinion?
    I personally am a sadist. How much dominance is accaptable? A lot of woman like dominant men and i think it's also part of our nature. Of course sadism is more extreme the normal dominance. But where is it too much in your opinion?
    Sychar likes this.
  2. drac16

    drac16 Fapstronaut

    I believe that God rejoices when a married couple has sex. It's not a topic that should make us uncomfortable. The Song of Solomon talks about it pretty vividly. As far as birth control, I don't believe it's OK to get an abortion or to use birth control pills. I think that using a condom is OK, though. As for bondage, I would say that, as long as you're doing it with someone whom you are married to, by all means, go do it. Do it for the glory of God. God loves it when we do things His way. :D
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  3. Sex is about intimacy, not control. When sex becomes about control, one individual asserting dominance over another, you are in very murky water. The desire to dominate another person does not come from God.

    Pain is not pleasure. They are opposites. We can learn to associate the two through life experiences, but this is not a good or helpful thing. Confusion does not come from God, either.

    Where does this sadism come from? What has occurred in your life to cause you to become sexually aroused by causing pain to another person? In what way do you think this behavior glorifies God? In what way does it honor and cherish your spouse?
  4. Can you help me understand what in this practice glorifies or honors God? God sets captives free, so bondage would seem to be the opposite of that.
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  5. I dont know why i have it, but something else doesnt turn me on. I only have the option to do it with a woman or to stay single for the rest of my life.
    I had a good childhood and i was sadistic before porn
    Sychar likes this.
  6. So you think being dominant is always a sin? Many woman like dominant men. I cant find something in the bible which says that. When you look at adam and eva, the bible says something about the relationship between men and women
    Sychar likes this.
  7. As his disciples, Jesus is our example in all things. Here is what he said:

    Matthew 20
    25 Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

    Adam being placed in a position to "rule over" Eve was part of the curse that occurred as a result of sin (see Genesis 3:16). This is not God's design for relationships between men and women. His perfect design is one of mutual submission, as expressed in Ephesians 5:21.

    As for making sacrifices for the Kingdom, especially when it comes to our sexual preferences and attractions, Jesus is again our teacher and our example. He is quite clear in Matthew 5:
    29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

    Hope that helps! I welcome any further dialog on this topic. It is crucial that we get this stuff right! :)
  8. I cant really see a connection between thes quotes and dominating women who want it that way
    I'm not doing this against somebodys will. I dont even want to
    What would you suggest in my situation and how do you handle sex yourself. Do you wait until youre married or are you yet?
    Sychar likes this.
  9. I can't force you to understand. As disciples, the primary will we are concerned with is God's, not another person's. Ask the Spirit to guide you, and he will make his will for you plain. (Romans 12:2)

    Sex for the disciple is reserved solely for marriage. There is very little argument about that within the Church. Both outside and inside marriage, we learn -- with God's help -- how to control our sexual urges, submitting everything to him.

    "...sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it." - from Genesis 4
    Huskerjim likes this.
  10. The quotes say how to deal with sins but i ask myself if it's a sin anyway
    There is no real answer in the bible about bdsm
    The other problem is that if you have comulsive thoughts it's not easy to differ between good and bad thoughts. The longer i cant be myself the stronger i feel emotion like hate, fear and anger inside of me.
  11. drac16

    drac16 Fapstronaut

    I'm not talking about spiritual bondage -- I'm talking about literal bondage. You know, bondage is sexual activity with chains, whips, leather, blindfolds, etc. Kinky stuff. I believe that a married couple can engage in bondage.
  12. I would argue that the spiritual variety is also very much literal. Still not sure how celebrating that brings glory to God. Can you articulate how it does so?
  13. Traveller221

    Traveller221 Fapstronaut

    I would say Matthew 6:33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

    Settle for yourself whether you are in the faith. 2 Corinthians 13:5 5 Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you—unless indeed you fail the test?
    2 Peter 1:10-11 Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.

    Once you're obeying in Spirit you can contemplate these things intuitively and the Holy Spirit will guide you. It's difficult to set things down for a season but I believe God calls us to it as His disciples. We must give Him total control over all things. We can't bargain and debate with Him about little things. It's especially necessary to set it down for a time if we have corrupted as much as PMO addicts have twisted the image of sex. We must genuinely strive to love God above all things.

    I've wrestled with questions here like you have, especially if you're young and the culture we're living in makes it very difficult. I don't think any true Christian only has sex for the sake of procreation. That would be legalism and Christ greatly denounces that, wanting us to obey Him in spirit. Neither would He want us to spite our mates and not care about their mental and spiritual health by being a sadist. I think sex is naturally a dominant act for men and a submissive one for women despite all the widely varied deviant thoughts society may try to fill our heads with. I honestly don't know and can't say more but I would recommend listening to some in-depth studies on Song of Solomon. Some pastors think its a strange book to be thrown in to the Bible but I believe EVERY book in the Bible is there to answer a specific question, that's something I'm noticing more and more. Song of Solomon is there with this exact thing in mind. God knew that in certain cultures young Christians would be raised in a culture that completely corrupted the beauty of a marriage relationship, regarding intimacy, sex, etc. He had that written to answer these specific questions.

    I'd recommend the Biblical Romance playlist on Youtube by River City Christian.

    Here's one.
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  14. Traveller221

    Traveller221 Fapstronaut

    I read this in one of C.S. Lewis's books that rang very true and has been an encouragement to me.

    “I believe, to be sure, that any man who reaches Heaven will find that what he abandoned (even in plucking out his right eye) has not been lost: that the kernel of what he was really seeking even in his most depraved wishes will be there, beyond expectation, waiting for him in 'the High Countries'.”

    So you see it's faith first, fulfillment later. God bless you.
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  15. I'm working through my old negative emotions at the moment. Maybe the sexual preference will change automatically with time.
    But i never heard about somebody who suddenly isnt interested in deviant sex anymore
    But i thought so too like you said in the past. Maybe it just needs time
  16. Time can't heal all wounds, but Jesus can! :) I am praying for you and cheering you on toward a new kind of life in Christ. You have been made for better things; do not settle for filth. Keep your eyes focused unwaveringly on Christ and what he has in store for you. It's just around the next bend in the road, if you will remain diligent in pursuing him along the path.
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  17. Thanks!
    I think it has to take time. I think first all negative has to get out of the body to have a better connection to Jesus
    I already tried praying
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  18. WindWolf

    WindWolf Fapstronaut

    I think that since sex is supposed to be the most intimate kind of love, it should follow the characteristics of love as pointed in the bible:
    1 Corinthians 13
    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
    There is no place for sadism in the above.
    Sadism IS self seeking, IS NOT kind, DOES delight in evil.

    This is a definition of sadism I found: "the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others"

    That is a very clear opposite of love, it's hatred, only hatred wants the suffering, pain, and humiliation of others; and I know, because I went through a short period of enjoying abusing a puppy in my childhood... Which I still bitterly regret: I did it because I saw myself in the puppies weakness and hated it, but more importantly, I have asked God sincerely to forgive me for my evil.

    The only thing I can recommend is that you take your problem (or your question) up to God in prayer, not a formal application, but a sincere "God, if You exist and want to, please forgive me and help me with this, in Jesus's name, Amen"
    I prayed a short prayer of that sort as a young boy realizing I was a puppy torturer, and after the wave of sobbing and realizing my sin was forgiven, came change of heart.
    Tao Jones likes this.
  19. I didnt live out my sexual sadism, but i have a lot of hater and anger inside of myself
    Only praying didn't help. I said god, change me the way you want if this is not ok for you. But i still am sadistic.
    I guess i'm still too much on the side of fear and too far from the side of love away.
    Prayers dont get fulfilled that fast. It's a slow process. A lot of people pray to overcome their addiction and still fail
    Tao Jones likes this.
  20. WindWolf

    WindWolf Fapstronaut

    Well, I'll pray for you.
    You're right that sometimes change comes slow, but I believe it also depends much on our faith.
    I hope from all my heart the God heals you and fills your heart with love instead of hatred... Believe me, it feels amazing to love, it's what we are made for.
    I also believe that once you decide to repent and ask forgiveness (because you know it's a dirty sin in your heart), God does forgive you, and those who were forgiven much, love much.
    Love you ;), and keep strong.
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