Church Culture...

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by computergeek44, May 24, 2020.

  1. computergeek44

    computergeek44 Fapstronaut

    I don't like to slam Church culture but I've had a lot of negative experiences within Churches. I don't think Churches are a good place for me to meet Women. You got to be certain kind of person with a certain kind of personality to fit in at Church. I think it was 2 years ago, I decided that I needed to think over my past. Specifically my Church past. I was looking for anything that I could say was good about it. I got to admit that I had a couple good experiences. But over all, Churches are not behaving "correctly".

    In my first Church, I was bulled during Sunday School class. It would surprise me if even one of those guys are still going to church at all. During High School, one became a drug pusher. The next one, couldn't decide on what he believed so He started acting like a total jerk to everyone and experimented with other strange things like Vampire stuff, and I heard that He even randomly decided to bite someone. And then there was a the guy who was "sorta" my friend. More of a fair weather friend. I could write a whole post about him. He wasn't stable in His beliefs either. The last I heard from him, his wife left him, and He was dating a Pagan Girl (On Facebook she called herself a Pagan) who already had a kid. My Parents were active in that Church and things got all wonky so they packed up and left. Then we as a family ended up in a Church that wouldn't accept us. But my dad liked it there because He felt safer, since nobody knew us. And by the way, nobody cared to find out either. After He got tired of being that way, He started reaching out some people and found out the hard way that your either in or your out. So we changed Churches, and got involved but the Pastor wasn't an honest person. The place fell apart. Soon we were back in the second Church. Stayed there for 13 more years. Nobody cared. So finally we started looking for a place that would accept us. The first place we went, we stayed for 2 years. Someone told my mom. At that Church your either In or your out. We were out. So we left and tried another one. This Church had a "special" view on Baptism that none of us ever heard of. My Dad and I both did some Bible digging, and decided that this is not the place for us. Now we are all back at the first Church we started out at. People leave us alone, and we leave them alone.

    Churches are weird. Many believe in "out reach" to people who our outside of the Church. But when it comes to helping those who are just not fitting in. They'd rather those people just go away.

    I'm Sad: May 19, 2020 The great apologist Ravi Zacharias passed away from Cancer. This is one of his last sermons. He mentions how the Church has been failing.

  2. Dude, this is so strange. But sounds like that big of a deal to you, and i dont want to disrespect you.
    You shouldnt try to "FIT IN" or to get validation from anybody, or group or church or sect or whatever is. Dude, is like YOU and GOD, what the f*ck! are you trying to land some girls in the church??? Trying to get you family to fit in in some BS church? WHY?

    Church is like a spiritual thing (or am i wrong?) go there to connect with f*cking GOD i mean, or stay in home with your dad reading the bible and praying if that is what works for you. Dont sh*t on the church. You seem to be there for all the wrong reasons.

    And I am a Pagan too :D dont care about churches
  3. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    In some ways recovery culture is similar. There is one thing about it though which is you actually have a particular goal of quitting whatever addictive behavior and some people are genuinely interested in helping other people who may need support in that regard, but beyond that people just don't talk about their beliefs - it's pretty much respected and whether people are religious or not you're still there to recover.

    Now I'll just point out something. If you're honest that you're really looking for social support, this is really pretty good - may very well be better than churches you can find. That said, some people don't really look at the actual practice of recovery. It can keep you clean but it won't make you look deeper, which is something the individual has to be motivated to do and also take up the tools for. There's also an advantage in that 12 Step, which is the predominant recovery system is implicitly theistic so it is more compatible for people of faith. There's no reason why you can't do that and do other things that can be helpful in recovery, but if you had to choose (actually you don't) the kind of stable social group is probably more helpful - although the challenge right now is it's still all online which is not as intimate.

    Long story short, I think it's an issue beyond just the church but because people expect religious communities to have spiritual people they are more disappointed, and people in recovery groups can overlook any differences belief and stick to the recovery. I don't know if you've looked in to 12 Step groups but if you are really craving that there's a lot of it around.
  4. Dipper Pines

    Dipper Pines Fapstronaut

    I am also disappointed to hear that Zacharias passed. He was one of relatively few rational voices within mainstream American Evangelical Christianity and, for that, I will always appreciate his work.

    But to your larger point: I'm a lifelong Christian and Churchgoer and yes, the Church is full of broken people. Been this way from the beginning really. The Church is meant to be the body of Christ, to do as He did, performing His will as the "hands and feet." I hope you will forgive us. We often fail.

    But as Paul says, "Let God be true and every man a liar." I hope you find good people, in a good church community. (Yes, they exist)
  5. computergeek44

    computergeek44 Fapstronaut

    In my opinion a Pagan or any other nonbeliever shouldn't concern themselves with Churches. They should concern themselves over the question "Is there a God or Not". But those of us who have decided to believe. We need to be concerned about Churches. Because Church is our spiritual family.

    It was suggested to me, that I should try to get a girl friend through Church. This suggestion inspired me to write about how the Church has hurt me deeply. Someone else says. If your looking for girls at Church then your going to Church for the wrong reason. What I'm trying to tell you is, the Church is not just broken. (It's always had problems.) What I'm saying is, the Church is getting worse. The point of going to Church is to worship with other believers, and hear a Sermon. But thats not all the Church is for. Church is supposed to be your spiritual family. That's the part that the Church is really screwing up on. Instead it's become more like a club. In an ideal situation, meeting Single Women at Church is a good thing for a Single Christian Man to do. But since the Church has become more of a club that only "special" Christians are accepted. People become "objects". My Church experience goes something like this: I walk up to the door, and someone shakes my hand. I sit down, and those around me might say "Good morning". There is no desire to talk. Everyone else comes in, and finds their seat. Everyone is content living in their bubble. When I see a girl walk in, It's no different then when I log into youtube and watch a girl on there. People don't care about being friendly anymore. Everything is mechanical. What about small groups? I'm not crazy about them. The last time I tried to get involved with a Small group, they told me that all the groups were full. The people did not want anyone new to join! That is why I'm saying that many Churches have become clubs. Only the "special" one's get in. It's like when your trying to get a job. If you know someone that is already "in" then your chances of getting that job is higher. If you don't know someone that is already "in" then your probably going to be rejected. BTW no hard feelings "business is business" :( Have any of you heard of the Old Christian Metal Pastor Bob Beemen? He has a set of podcasters on his youtube channel. They talk many times about how the Church should also be a family. Just the other day, one of them was talking about how when someone leaves a Church, it's like a bunch of people sitting around at a table. Someone says "Where is Johnny?" Next person says "I don't know, please pass the the salt". If a family member is missing someone should get up and go find them. But now days, nobody gets up to go find them. Instead they say "That person needs to make an effort to be apart." It makes no sense. What if that person is hurt? Maybe they are dealing some really hard stuff, that is causing them to doubt their faith?
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. Both your opinions, on what should concern Pagans and or how the churches should or shouldnt do about things is just that: Your opinion.

    Get off your horse, buddy. Is not the world around you that need to change, is just you. The church doesnt hurted you deeply... you do that to yourself.

    PS: the person that suggested to you, that you should try to get a girl friend through Church is DUMB
  7. I agree, going to church can seem mechanical. People do appear to be in their own little bubbles, and I think there is legitimate criticism out there in how they handle outsiders/newbies.

    If there is no effort being made in helping you find a small group, perhaps you should leave and find a church that makes an effort to get you plugged in. Because that’s where - particularly in larger churches - relationships are established; relationships that help you deepen your relationship and walk with Christ, which was what I was always under the impression going to church was for.

    Many younger guys use church as another place to pick up women (something women are aware of). Are your intentions to deepen your faith in Jesus? Or is it about finding a good Christian woman to marry and have sex with? Personally, I married my ex so we could start slayin’ some dragons between the covers, and that relationship turned into an epic disaster.

    There are churches out there with people who are walking with God. I would encourage you to seek that out.
  8. computergeek44

    computergeek44 Fapstronaut

    My Parents found each other at a Church camp. They got married in their 20's and had me in their 30's. They are still together today. It's true that you can't marry just for sex.

    When Church is behaving like a Family relationships organically evolve. Being with a fellow believing Woman can bring you closer to Jesus. It can also take you away from Jesus. So much of all of this just depends on different variables. This stuff bothers me, but I don't see it as something I can do anything about.
  9. WindWolf

    WindWolf Fapstronaut

    Man, after reading this I'm kinda glad I don't live in the US...
    Not that protestant churches are perfect here, far from it; there are quite a few "cold" churches, but still, it seems to me that it's easier to find a church with caring people here...

    Here are my two cents.
    Going to church just to find a girlfriend is a bad idea, but I believe that if you go to a decent church and actually let God improve you and start being a caring and loving church member yourself, the girls WILL notice. At least the ones that are looking to start a serious relationship, they're going to be looking for strong, good looking, but caring men, men of God.
    And if you really believe in God, I would suggest praying constantly for God to lead you into a good church and relationship.
    Best of wishes :emoji_thumbsup:
  10. Makis

    Makis Fapstronaut

    If Christianity is not the only way, then why do you read the Bible daily?
    Being in a church means that you not only take, but you also give. You are there not only to be loved but also to love others. Not only to get served but also to serve others. It goes both ways. You also claim that Christian women are conceited. Isn't that a little racist for a guy who complains about racism in the church?
  11. Temgenius

    Temgenius New Fapstronaut

    What make Christians true follower of Christ is Love, take Love out of the picture and we are as anyother random religion you might have met. And that's why normal Christians see themselves as family than fellow religious colleagues.

    Nevertheless,even as human it's not a bad thing for you wishing to be accepted, everyone demands love and affection one way or another and that's why we are a social being.

    My little advice is try and get a good fellowship of believers it's not needed to be necessary big, just somewhere you can call your spiritu family.

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