Cirilla's 12 Weeks Year - Becoming a Witcher

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Cirilla, Jul 30, 2022.

  1. Sinbad

    Sinbad Fapstronaut

    well done you're so strong
     
  2. Was gonna reply that I don't believe I am but you know what fuck the negative self talk. How can I BECOME strong one day if I don't believe I am the kind of person that CAN be strong? You damn bet I'm strong. I wanted to drink this stupid Monster. It hurt to let it go. Yet I value myself over the pleasure I can feel. I'm strong. I'm strong. I'm strong. I'm strong. I'm strong. And I'm definitively done with caffeine for now
     
    Just V and Sinbad like this.
  3. Holy shit, crisis extremely narrowly avoided. For some unknown self destructive reason I felt like doing something "stupid" and almost got a full pot of coffee which would have been a one way drive to a completely useless all-nighter and profound self hate. This is not going to be easy.
     
    Servo_Operator likes this.
  4. Servo_Operator

    Servo_Operator Fapstronaut

    I'm really careful with the timing of my caffeine intake because I really don't like the unpleasant sensation of being awoken to a wet dream. Like every time I've had that it's because of caffeine issues lol
     
  5. I finished the high quality coffee I had because I hate to waste and it does taste amazing and once again I strongly wish I hadn't. I'm over caffeinated. To high heavens. OMG tomorrow I quit. I don't have any coffee left at home so that's good, but my diet coke addiction is making it difficult cause in France it's hard to find caffeine free diet coke.

    Anyways, today I will be home for half a day which trust and believe I will use to play Cyberpunk 2077. I hope to progress a lot on it. I will also take advantage of this little time home to gather my code book and the driving school papers.

    And I weighed myself today, 67.1 - less than 10kgs left officially :)
     
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  6. BruceWayne123

    BruceWayne123 Fapstronaut

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    Drawing a line in the sand is the first thing we can do when fighting our unhealthy addictive habits. It's hella difficult letting go of things we used as a crutch but are ultimately holding us back. Make sure you're hydrated with the caffeine and practice some breath-hold sets since they can really help with lowering the heart rate, even with the coffee in the system. We believe in you and you're not alone here. Thank you for posting your journey and for fighting for yourself. Good luck with the rest of your day!
     
    Sinbad likes this.
  7. Got my code book and my driving school papers after some hectic turmoil, put on my old dress for the wedding in September and it still fits me. 49 items left on CP77.

    So, I have some goal pants. They're fake leather, but bright, shiny pink. Lol. I've been positively dying to wear them ever since I bought them over a year ago but never been able to. I made huge progress, since today for the first time ever I was able to close and button them, but I still absolutely cannot breathe or sit in them. And my stomach gets over it.

    So… My goal is to wear them at the huge type event, September 23rd. It's basically a party with everyone that ever did the master degree I own, over the past 10 years. It's huge. Like, really huge. And I wanna show off!! I love these pants, I wanna wear them so badly!!!

    In all honesty, I'm so fed up of being a soon to be 28 virgin. I love girls too much. I hope my efforts to look and feel better can be seen by others than my friends and family one day and be perceived as attractive enough for a girl I find as hot as Lauren to want to have sex with me. I want to fucking being able to see my pubis standing the fuck up. FUCK. It's getting extremely hard, soon 50 days on keto, I'll be in London post Lauren concerts for my 2 months on keto, it's always the 2 months mark, I usually relapse after 2 months for NoFap, usually quit keto after 2 months.

    But I want to break the pattern, I have the rage, the burning desire to THIS TIME get where I want to be. That doesn't prevent me from complaining as much as I want, cause motherfuck man, this shit is difficult as fuck, I went to finish my 10k steps in my city tonight and passed over a million pizza restaurants. I'm sacrificing a lot to have sex with a girl one day. I'm sacrificing so much that I'm sacrificing everything I was for the past 27 years. Because one day I want to look like Lauren, because I refuse to die without having sex with a girl, as opposed to watching girls having sex on my screen.

    I'll probably come back here later on to answer you guys and post my ten years vision, but really, for real, I think my 57kgs reward will be to go to a gay bar.
     
  8. Sinbad

    Sinbad Fapstronaut

    why wait? go now... you look great!
     
  9. This ain't me in the pic, just to be clear, it's Lauren. It was me before though. I am not ready. I still hate my body. I wouldn't be able to enjoy sex if I don't feel confident. I'm still working on it. And I want to have sex with someone that I could relate to if that makes sense. I'm into fit girls a lot
     
    Sinbad likes this.
  10. Sinbad

    Sinbad Fapstronaut

    ok i understand. your time will come. i can relate to what you're saying. it's not easy
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2022
  11. NO. Fuck no. Just no. Not this time. I won't quit. I'm fucking done with my previous life. Done with porn, done with being fat, done with living an unhealthy lifestyle, done with laziness, done with constant failure, done with letting my BPD get in the way of my dreams and aspirations, done with aggressive self hate, done with being unable to forgive myself, done with being a virgin, done with inconsistency, done with everything I know restricts my potential. Done watching people having sex instead of working on having sex myself.

    I'm going to get a decaf coffee, write all my affirmations for the day, listen to Lauren, work on my moodboard and my mindset, and I think that for my birthday in less than 5 weeks I'll get my nails done for the first time. And more.

    The old Ando is dead. And I'm giving birth to my new self. And everyone knows giving birth can be painful. If it was easy everyone would do it, this sort of shitty cheesy motivational quote. But it's true. It's not up to everyone to quit porn, quit smoking, quit caffeine, quit alcohol, lose weight, and forgive themselves for a horrible act at the same time. Yet it's what I'm doing. Did you read that correctly? I'm going to repeat it. YET, IT IS, WHAT I, AM, FUCKING, DOING. ACTIVELY.

    About to take some time for myself, stretch a bit, maybe do some gentle yoga and at 11pm sharp I'm asleep. I have to be up at 6am tomorrow to take the train to Paris to work with my client who still hasn't paid me. I'm trying to be a better person man, and if in 12 weeks I can be 1% better it'll be progress and that's a solid period.
     
    Sinbad likes this.
  12. BruceWayne123

    BruceWayne123 Fapstronaut

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    YOU TOTALLY GOT THIS!

    I completely understand the fire in wanting a change and I'm totally for it. I know the feeling of being stuck in a cycle in life that leaves you miserable and unhappy. I think it is really amazing how driven you are with all the steps you're making to give yourself the life you deserve.

    I wish you all the best in getting laid with someone you find very attractive. It is truly an epic thing. I know there are definitely many girls out there that would be super into your fire, passion, and drive and that what you're seeking is out there waiting for you in spades. Stay strong and motivated but when it feels right, don't be afraid to put yourself out there. You are more beautiful than you think and you have so much to offer to whoever is lucky enough to be with you.
     
  13. I found on Pinterest a 400 pics folder of pics of the girl I'm in love with atm and like, I motherfucking refuse.

    I refuse to not let myself be hot one day - soon.
    I refuse never to have sex with a girl.
    I refuse not to allow myself the opportunity to have sex with girls that are OR NOT as perfect as the girl I'm into atm.
    I refuse to let porn screw up my vision of what real sex with someone you love is.
    I refuse to let myself not give myself the opportunity to love people that look and sound and walk and act and live like the girl I'm into atm.

    This time is different. This time I'm changing for good. This time I'm not looking back. This time I will get abs. This time I'll be ready when it comes. This time I'll look for it actively. This time I'm fucking done with being unhealthy, mentally and physically.

    I can't sing like her but I'm pretty fucking good at my job and I'm starting to get recognised for it. I don't live in Los Angeles yet. But I swear to god I'm done, with the negative self talk, with not being able to forgive myself. I did what I did. Moving on.

    One day my work will be seen on billboards and metro walls. One day I'll go out to lesbian bars in a crop top and shorts. One day I'll be tattooed all over my arms and I don't have blue eyes but my girl probably will. Or not. I love Lauren to death not just because of who she is but because of what she represents. My sacrifices will not fucking be in vain. The hours fasted. The junk food avoided. The litres of caffeine I won't consume. The kilos of sugar my body will never process. The muscles I'm going to get at my new gym in Paris, the people I'll get in my bed in the Gambetta flat. This is what I'm fucking made for.

    This morning I weighed 67kgs. In a week I'll weigh less. When I'll see Lauren, fuck knows when, I'll weigh less.

    I accept to let myself forgive myself.
    I accept to let myself become hot.
     
    somuchforsubtlety likes this.
  14. I’ve hated myself my whole life, I need to learn to love myself before I can love anyone else
     
  15. I'm getting fitter, physically, slowly but surely, but also mostly mentally, I'm so fucking happy about it. I'm working so hard on every aspect and on every meaning of the word, and it is starting to pay off. My mindset gets better by the day and so does my body. When you know I've been hating with a passion my mind and my body for 27 years, and I'm turning 28 in less than a month, and it took me 11 years to forgive myself, then you know I'm making progress.

    Today I weighed 67 again, but it's totally okay, I'm fasting like crazy and it's only building up until it goes down. I'm confident and relaxed about it. I can do better than 2014, and in actual fact, I will. Cause I'm looking at the pics I took at the time and I wasn't muscled, I was skinny fat.

    How can I improve on all three aspects of the 12 weeks today?

    Today marks the beginning of week 2. I fasted 16h30. I will attempt to start fasting much earlier today. I haven't got my PS4 with me until several weeks at the least. But I'm hoping to pass half a day at home this week hopefully, that would be ideal, I would get my dress for my cousin's wedding Sep 3rd and my PS4 so I could play in holidays.

    Today I'm also going to visit one of the two flats I might get in Gambetta. One of them is on the ground floor but it has no floor lol, so LOTS of work to be done, an actual SHITLOAD of it in fact. The other is the one I want most, upstairs. I'm visiting the one below because I don't have the keys to the other. But I have pics of the other so I will compare. I'm so motherfucking excited to go.

    Like, when I tell you it has no floor lol! But the other flat has no bathroom so it's a Rubik's cube lol
    297117441_1410436476129122_4005301216550902972_n.jpg

    Okay refocus and recapitulate:
    1. week 2 will be focused on weight loss (fasting, clean keto, exercising) and moving things forward with the driving licence (call the driving school to know how much the first payment needs to be)
    2. I am visiting the flat I might get today which will ease my anxiety about it a lot and help me manifest; I'm extremely excited about it
    3. I am working with a client again today for the 3rd day in a row and on a Sunday, so I'm going to give her my invoice asap
    4. I really, REALLY want to take the time to work on my 10y vision today
    5. I called my mom and settled the organisation for the weeks to come and she accepted us to get Chipotle for my bday which makes me so happy cause would we go to a restaurant I would have been frustrated to be keto but Chipotle is healthy keto, and still junk food. And it's my fav chain probably. I'm so excited to see my mother after one month tomorrow I love her to death
    6. I am going to do my absolute best to find a way to go to Chartres this week and get my dress and PS4
    7. I am going to get the ball rolling with my dad regarding the financing of the driving licence by calling the school and reading carefully the contract.
    Literally living my best life!
     
    BruceWayne123 likes this.
  16. Big progress on all my goals:
    1. respected my limits and got a huge KETO Chipotle bowl to celebrate 50 days on keto tomorrow, activating my first fasting joker; this will probably chock my body to move in the right direction and I enjoyed the shit out of my evening while still respecting my own rules, win all around
    2. got my dad to sign a big check to pay the driving school amen
    3. got it settled that I will spend all of Tuesday in Chartres, going back to my grandparents on the evening, in order to go to the driving school get my hours sorted and also in order to take my dress for the wedding and also most importantly my PS4.
     
  17. Progress update:
    1. sub 67 this morning, weighed in at 66.9. Slow progress is still progress! And I don't have anything to reproach to myself, I've been very diligent and fasted hard, moved my body and ate super clean. Nothing unusual.
    2. Taking the bus in 5h to stay home for 4h just to go to the driving school and take my PS4. Hoping to make progress on both secondary goals, will update this evening :)
     
    Kratos_GOW likes this.
  18. Aaaaaand that's it! I FCKN DID IT!! I went to the driving school after postponing it since JANUARY 11TH HOLY SHIIIIIIT.

    Two first driving lessons secured, one and two days after my birthday. I'm shitting myself because I have a horrible, debilitating car phobia BUT I'm so excited nonetheless. I feel like I'm becoming an adult oh my God. I also got my dress and my PS4 and I'm hoping to play a bit tonight - but I might lend the PS4 to my brother and sister, I don't know yet. Taking the bus back home in an hour. Started fasted at noon - the only thing I ate today is roasted almonds, this is absolutely terrible. I recognise it. I need to be extremely careful tomorrow.

    Gonna spend the 3/4h before I have to leave on goal setting!!
     
  19. Also, created a playlist of videos about the driving licence on YT. I have exactly 5h of videos to watch for now. It's the little steps!
     

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