Clinging on to the edge of Hope....

I am a seventeen year old kid, who has gone from living the best life I possibly could have, to being the lazy ass-hole freaking dip-shit. I am always taking everything in a playful way and am not getting serious. This year was, well a pretty important year for me in my life because it was in this year I would complete my High-schooling and go over to a college, and pretty much everyone at least goes to any college in the country I live in and do some Under Graduation course irrespective of the stream they are majoring in, because a Certification in any Stream would simply get you a job. But, I don't think I am one among those people who just take up a course just for a Certification. I had everything planned out, to pursue my Passion and all, till I became so lazy, ignorant, and so not serious in anything I did, I just didn't see the purpose behind all of the dreams I had, and I became too over confident with my own capabilities. I became so defiant as to accept that I was normal, and that I had to work my way up to achieve some things. I guess it was all due to my excessive porn usage, you know, when I had everything to pleasurize myself with just a click. I didn't know what I was really doing, and plus I had surrounded myself with people who were thinking that way too, well not everyone, but at least most of them. They didn't incorporate much deadly and bad habits in me, but, there was something that happened. They liked procrastinating along with me, well actually, it's not even procrastinating, it's never doing stuff at all, and now that all of my exams are over, I suddenly sense all of these fogs clearing up. I don't think I would be easily able to pursue my Passion now, without facing humiliation, cruelty and their brothers and sisters from all those people who are going to meet me...

This has actually put me in a worst situation, and made me vulnerable to Porn and Masturbation. I can still make my life better again. Like, redoing my last year of high school terminal exams by staying at home and preparing for it. Then, I would be able to pursue my passion, but now that the exams are over and it's time for the holidays to begin, I am feeling empty inside, I am feeling so sorrowful. I am so, discontent with whatever I did, because I didn't really put in any efforts to accomplish tasks that I wanted to. I just wanted everything so easily, without putting up any fight or hard work. I was too lazy. One and a half years back, I was the most ideal kid in my class. Every teacher of mine, had great hopes on me, they thought I was destined for greatness, of course, I was sure talented, but, talent alone is not enough for one to succeed. One must work hard hard, for only that yield results. I know I am going to redo my High School Examinations staying in, dropping for a year, but, that One year, is the price I pay, for those One and a half years of Laziness. I was always into something else, in fact I was into everything else, except for learning. I am a vivid football fan (Or soccer as some might call it). I just give my everything to watch football matches, and usually, they are broadcast-ed at not a very watchable time in my region, but I still watch it. I hadn't realised that football was a big illusion, it took away so many valuable years of my life away from me. Well, actually I gave my life away to football and it was my choice in the end. Still, I would go out to play football with my friends and would watch some matches occasionally, but I would always put my work before my entertainment interest thereupon. This is something I have determined. Now, I had been going on a good roll, of abstaining from Porn and Masturbation, and had clear visions on why to stop watching Porn and all, but after the recent fall of events, I am so depressed and I just gave in to it, and had been doing it till now, when I realised that this shit isn't taking me nowhere, well, actually it's kind of taking me more down in. So, I guess I would have to stop all of this non-sense and pretty much get down to work. I would be so happy to know if any of you have been going through some stuff you are unhappy about lately, may be you can share your story with me, I would be happy to help if at all I can. I wish you get back to your best and stay hopeful, CHEERS....

 

Thanks for the reply brother. Means a lot to me, when I know there are people like me, going through this with positivity.