I apologize for offending; i thought I made clear this thread is not to dismiss the gaslight-phenomenon as ethereal or purely conjecture. It’s worth making clear I appreciate the color and tone of the female perspective provides. Without it, we (males) would debate without heart and connection. Gaslighting DOES explain that manipulative behaviors are driven by the addict’s need to perpetuate the addiction; and further serves as an underpinning for the subsequent traumas ( betrayal and ptsd). But does it cover ALL cases of addictive patterns of manipulation ? Since codependency manipulation can look, taste, smell, sound and feel exactly as gas lighting, how would a SO know the difference ? I submit to you another time-tested explanation for manipulation is codependency. Their need to keep up with appearances. Their need to please others. Their need to lose themselves for the benefit of those around them. The difference I suggest is IN the motive. What are they trying to accomplish in their manipulation of their partner’s feelings? What did the manipulation achieve?