I'm trying to get back to the grind, but its hard when nothing seems to matter. For example a month ago I started seeing my abs losing definition, and for the first time in a while I felt scared that I might be getting fat, and that fear made me happy, I was so motivated that I made a whole workout routine and meal plan, only for the definition to come back without me even touching the gym. Another thing is my career, I joined the military a few months ago, and I thought I could finally start building the foundation of my life immediately, but ever since I joined I haven't even shipped out to bootcamp yet, I've just been waiting in dep call hoping one day my recruiter will call me and tell me he got me a job contract, the worst part about this is I can't afford to do anything reckless, if I get injured or hurt I could potentially get kicked out, so I've had to distance myself from activities I know are potentially dangerous like climbing, and rucking. I'm fed up, I've been staying in house all day and its gotten to a point where I realize that laziness has taken over and I've been living a fraction of what it could be. if I cant go rucking I can still go for a run, if I can't climb the gym is still an option. In my effort to adjust my life to ensure success I lost sight of myself, I went back to living the life that made me so miserable a year ago, and the life I decided to leave behind. I'm not angry though I know better than anyone that no matter how far or how hard you fall when you get back up you'll fight hard and longer than before. I might not be able to get back the time I lost but I can get back control of my life, and with this new mentality I've gained I can accomplish more than I would have been able to yesterday.