Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Oct 18, 2015.

  1. Hello Fapstronauts!

    I've actually used NoFap almost two years ago, and I found it really useful as I was really stuck in a rut. Anyways, situation has changed, I am still in a long term relationship, however I am now doing long distance with my girlfriend of 7 years.

    Anyways, I've only been able to see her once or twice a year and that's been really hard for me, not only is it hard to stop myself staring at female colleagues at work, but I can't find any outlets to release my sexual tension aside p. I did have a side chick for a while, but I ended that because it just felt terrible to cheat. So I'm not sure where I can release my sexual tension/urges to be honest...

    I'm really hoping that by coming back to NoFap, I can fix myself up.
    I've done this before and so I know it's possible. I'm counting on you guys to help me pull through! 45 days, here we go!
  2. I think I also need to be honest here, and confess what I've done. It'll really help take things off my chest.

    During the 7 years I've been with my girlfriend I have, cheated on her twice, hired an escort 5 times, and mo-ed to my ex - housemate's underwear multiple times. During my two years away I've also been using paid online chats to mo

    I am seeing a therapist/counselor/psychologist and I suggest any of you to do so too if you feel the need.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 19, 2015
  3. Day 1

    Monday is shit as per usual, but feels good to be amongst this community again.
    Pretty much feeling pretty drained and grumpy, but shall work through the day slowly.
  4. Odd Thomas

    Odd Thomas Fapstronaut

    Hey HTL. I like what you had to say about honesty with your gf. It sounds like you know you have a problem and have some natural inclination to do the right thing.

    Long distance is really hard. I have done it before and one of the big reasons it worked (and not always well or smoothly mind you) was because our intimacy (I mean connection here) was so good. In my understanding and experience it is very difficult to have that kind of intimacy when you are hiding big things from your significant other.

    Let me be crystal clear here. Honesty is something I treasure. Many times in my past I have been transparent to a fault, and to my detriment. I don't want you to have the impression that I'm trying to give you advice. Mainly I just want to recognize that it takes guts to own up to your shortcomings, even among strangers, and it takes guts to do the right thing.

    If I were to give you advice I think you know what it would be.

    To the heart of the matter. Relieving sexual tension.

    Some of the usual questions here are, in no particular order:

    What does your exercise routine look like?
    What do your relationships (you know, of the non-grabby/moany variety) look like and how fulfilled are you in them?
    How meaningful is your professional life to you?
    Do you have any kind of creative life, and how fulfilled are you by it?

    You don't have to answer those questions, but I would strongly recommend you wrestle with them. Not only will that give you some profitable roads to look at, it'll keep your mind occupied in the mean time.

    It's been a while since I've been on NF because most of my NoFap life has been in the context of my spiritual tradition and more or less alone in terms of talking about it. But I seem to remember a really awesome guide by Underdog that a number of members could probably point your towards. The Reader's Digest version is don't make not PMO-ing your goal, make living your ideal life your goal, and fight to achieve it.

    Good luck.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. End of Day 1

    Finally got through my first day. Just about to fall asleep now.
    Glad to be back amongst this community. I think I pmo-ed too many times yesterday to really have a urges/edges today.
    I'm hoping the coming 44 days will be as smooth sailing as this. Bring it on!
  6. Day 2
    Slowly making it through my second day.
    There are temptations to watch p or to mo. But I think I'm way too occupied from work to do so. Which is definitely a plus. 43 days left. I think the road and week ahead will be definitely more challenging as tomorrow is a public holiday. And I'll be free to hang around home and do whatever I please.

    Should probably leave home and go out and go for a hike.
  7. wildwood

    wildwood Fapstronaut

    I think you need to come clean to your girlfriend, you cannot build a relationship on lies. It's honestly really shitty to look into your girlfriend's eyes and remember what you have done, it haunts you. I know you're probably thinking "why should I tell her? She'll dump me." Let her make the choice. If she did the same to you how would you feel? I can tell you it's hard to tell someone you hurt them but in the end it'll weight you down. It's not fair to her or your recovery to hold in such a secret, it's better you tell her instead of her finding out. Honesty is key and allows to build an even better relationship. It will also give you better accountability to continue on a completely clean slate rather than a hidden agenda. I hope everything works out for you, stay strong.
  8. I think there's a slight misunderstanding, I have told my girlfriend about all this and she's very supportive. It's been very hard for her, but I promised her I'll work on it with all the will I have. Thankyou for your support!

    I'm hoping this is the start of something better!
    NoBrainer and wildwood like this.
  9. wildwood

    wildwood Fapstronaut

    That's fantastic! I wish you and your girlfriend the absolute best!!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Hey man

    First of all, good luck on your journey. I did see this quote of yours (as per above): how can you release your sexual tension without your girlfriend? Well this is one of the trickier parts of nofap/ rebooting, but basically you need to learn to be able to withhold your sexual energy, and either rely on wet dreams for release, or with your girlfriend, or both. There are other means to expel sexual energy other than through orgasm. Such practices are referred to as 'sexual transmutation'. If you're looking for inspiration for transmutation techniques or techniques to use to negate urges, I suggest checking out this guide that I made, particularly with reference to the "Make an Action Plan" section.

    Best wishes
  11. Thanks bud! I'll look into it. These 3 days have been good to me so far!
  12. Day 3

    Signs of me wanting to pmo are coming back. I feel like its my brain's way of saying its having withdraw symptoms from P. Not only do I have the constant want to watch P or to Mo.
    I've tried to keep myself busy by going to the gym, meeting up with friends. But sadly, I've injured myself at the gym today, hopefully I'll feel better tmr. I've iced the injured area, just need some rest.

    Sorry guys, before bed I was just browsing on tumblr. One thing led to another and I pmo-ed. It was stupid and unnecessary. I should've just gone straight to bed. Lesson learnt. Time to move on.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2015
  14. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Oh dear. :( I know from experience that injuring yourself, especially re-injuring yourself can be one of the most frustrating things ever. Try not to let it get you down though. Wait for your body to heal, and then try again. If it's especially problematic you may benefit from seeing some sort of professional/ therapist (physio, osteo, chiro etc), depending on what it is.

    Ah yes, I have been caught out by tumblr and twitter before. To be honest, it is best to simply block them. You can do so with web protection software. I use K9. Although, it may be fun to use tumblr or twitter socially, the risk of relapsing is too great in my opinion, due to the abundance of porn on both sites. Facebook is a much safer bet for social networking.

    Indeed, move on. Get back up and try again.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  15. NoBrainer! Massive congrats on your 400 days!!
    Even seeing that counter to me is inspiration! To 400 better days ahead for you!

    Definitely going to take on you advice! Better days to be had!
    NoBrainer likes this.
  16. Day 0 - Relapse after Relapse

    I feel really defeated as there's just been relapse after relapse these 4 days. I think its due to how free I've been these past few days, so every spare moment I've just been pmo-ing. I've been to my therapist and collected a few pointers. Shall work on myself again this week.
  17. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    Does your GF know? She is the person you need to be confessing to, not us.
  18. Yeaa definitely, I've told her and she's completely supportive of my road to recovery. I just felt I needed to be more open about my situation that's all

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