Coming here for some advice and possibly some therapy.

Chris47803 · Sep 21, 2018

My story.
Im 21 years of age from sydney. Started watching porn when I was probably 13 or so.
Watched porn almost daily until i was 16 i started experimenting with men. Now let me clarify ive never been attracted to men physically or romantically, only in the sexual sense ie. dominance, using me for their pleasure etc. Its really hard to admit because it really is quite insane that porn has twisted my brain into thinking it would like to be dominated by another man. I consider my straight and have slept with a handful of girls although im quite socially awkward ive managed to get by. Anyway when i was 16 i went on a few sites and started talking to guys, i liked when they spoke down to me treated me badly basically the whole submissive dominant thing. A bit fucked up i know but like i said outside of that absoloutely no attraction to men. I continued this for many years, talking to guys on sites like craigslist and having them treat me rough while i mastaurbated to it. I did this during 2 long term relationships with excellent women. Recently i broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years, we really had a connection but her and her family moved over seas and we had to end it. Really tough time as you may imagine. I had been on this site previously and was aware of my porn addiction and issues and was trying to address them. I hadnt PMOd for 21 days and even as im writing this letter that streak is not broken. But tonight i got drunk and i was feeling depressed and i went to some strangers house and gave him head. Again let me clarify im not a homosexual, i dont feel romantic or any feelings towards men other than the dominant submissive deal. Ive never acted upon this urge which i can only think is brought upon by the porn addiction until tonight. I really regret it and i fucking hate myself for doing it and i dont know what the hell is wrong with me. Im disgusted at myself that i let it get to this point and i guess the purpose of this post is to ask for advice and to hear from other guys in my situation.
There must be other straight men out there who have experienced this homosexual fantasy and carried it out, and other men who experience it and havent yet carried it out. Let me tell you, dont act upon it. You will hate yourself and i do not want anyone to go through what im going through at the moment. Im trying to drink myself silly to forget about it. Would really appreciate some feedback and advice
Thank you for reading this

Deleted Account · Sep 24, 2018

Chris47803 said: ↑

My story.
Im 21 years of age from sydney. Started watching porn when I was probably 13 or so.
Watched porn almost daily until i was 16 i started experimenting with men. Now let me clarify ive never been attracted to men physically or romantically, only in the sexual sense ie. dominance, using me for their pleasure etc. Its really hard to admit because it really is quite insane that porn has twisted my brain into thinking it would like to be dominated by another man. I consider my straight and have slept with a handful of girls although im quite socially awkward ive managed to get by. Anyway when i was 16 i went on a few sites and started talking to guys, i liked when they spoke down to me treated me badly basically the whole submissive dominant thing. A bit fucked up i know but like i said outside of that absoloutely no attraction to men. I continued this for many years, talking to guys on sites like craigslist and having them treat me rough while i mastaurbated to it. I did this during 2 long term relationships with excellent women. Recently i broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years, we really had a connection but her and her family moved over seas and we had to end it. Really tough time as you may imagine. I had been on this site previously and was aware of my porn addiction and issues and was trying to address them. I hadnt PMOd for 21 days and even as im writing this letter that streak is not broken. But tonight i got drunk and i was feeling depressed and i went to some strangers house and gave him head. Again let me clarify im not a homosexual, i dont feel romantic or any feelings towards men other than the dominant submissive deal. Ive never acted upon this urge which i can only think is brought upon by the porn addiction until tonight. I really regret it and i fucking hate myself for doing it and i dont know what the hell is wrong with me. Im disgusted at myself that i let it get to this point and i guess the purpose of this post is to ask for advice and to hear from other guys in my situation.
There must be other straight men out there who have experienced this homosexual fantasy and carried it out, and other men who experience it and havent yet carried it out. Let me tell you, dont act upon it. You will hate yourself and i do not want anyone to go through what im going through at the moment. Im trying to drink myself silly to forget about it. Would really appreciate some feedback and advice
Thank you for reading this
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Had a quick scan through. It sounds pretty standard. Shame about the gf.
However there is hope! Read and learn stuff on here, and well done on making a start.
And do go to a doctor and/or professional therapist if you feel the need.
Good luck!

GA93JDeereboy · Sep 24, 2018

Well I dont dont have your issue but I may be able to give e you some advice and for others. Porn, masturbation is the start if the problem and that needs to stop. Everybody struggling with it needs to as I've seen said, and I like this because this helped me quit, I'm not being an ahole in any way by saying this but we need to stop being a bitch.
When you do quit man, you can leave all the crap behind you. Maybe you need some time away from girls as you said you lost your gf. Maybe few months and you will clear up.

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Coming here for some advice and possibly some therapy.

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