Ok, this is my first post. I decided to do that as a commitment with myself as well as I hope to "help" who are in similar situation. First, let me introduce myself. I'm 33, divorced, owner a company (in financial difficulty), no child, I have many "colleagues" but no real friend to share 100% of my thoughts. For me is easy to go party, ask girls to go out, drink beer with friends watching football, all those kind of staff in a superficial life. The real problem is to reach the next level, I wanna go beyond, but sometimes I see myself as a grown man around children. I wanna trust, share deep thoughts about spirituality, about economy... But only with my ex wife I was 100% complete. That relationship ended 4 years ago, with my fault in most part. In my mind this topic was always solved. The marriage ended, I followed my path, met beautiful girls than her, travelled, played football with my friends... But in time to time something happened to remind me her. And I, as always, went party to forget. The fact is, now more than never I see myself as truly lonely guy. My colleagues are company just to talk about any girls or drink beer with some trash talk. It's funny because I know most of them since child, but aparently only me are not teenager anymore. I have been "watching" those feelings growing up in the last few years, but the truly "punch" happened yesterday. I met my ex wife, we had a long talk about life in general (nothing sexual), we had no other serious relationship since then, she had a serious helthy problem including weeks in hospital (now is ok)... Man, I realized, she really is the woman of life. To finish It, I really wanted to kiss her last night (as I felt the same for her part), why I did not? I'm in a financial trouble with my company and she is rich. I just can't risk just few night with her now, in exchange of new chance in marriage. With my current finances I feel insecure to advance in any relationship. That's why, today I started nofap (I already had streaks before). On monday I going to sweat blood in my company to put the train back on track again. You guys can't even imagine the huge challenge that I have, but in name of God i gonna win. Today forward I have my goal: To build my family. In my life, I knew beautiful girls, funny friends, a lot of parties (including sexuals), beer, drugs (mostly weed and cocaine), financial success, nice jobs positions, famous people... But trust me, nothing absolutely nothing can make you happy and complete as when you meet God. Put your heart in God, and you will be guided to the real love to build your family. God, love and family, that's all I wish you all! God bless you guys, let's face our challenges and win! Everyone has your own fight to face. To you that are thinking in suicide, please read: The Spirit's Book (Kardec, Allan) and The Gospel according to spiritism (Kardec, Allan). Those books helped to save my life, I hope to help anyone as well.