Checking in, thought id be able to MO without P but im just finding it easier and easier to give in and watch. Really tired of these relapses, i know im miles ahead of where i used to be but i cant feel like im getting nowhere with this. Hoping i can get through this week, 1 step at a time.
@baxterboy @Ridgeline @MarcoM @Upsyllon03 @Discipline1987 @Coffee_lover Still not heard from you guys so gotta give your spots to the waiting list
Hey guys, So I guess Im your newest member to the group. Just wanted to share a little about myself. Im 44 yr old straight male from US. Never been married. No kids (that I know of...lol). Ive been engaged twice, but it didnt work out. Was not due to the PMO addiction though. I will say that the PMO has definitely made it harder to start a new relationship. No explanation needed there. I think you all know exactly what Im talking about. Strange thing though is that I do get offers to go on dates regularly. And sometimes I do. But in my messed up mind, these women dont fulfill the "fantasy, body type, or looks" of the women in porn. Even though I know its "fake" and unachievable/impossible for real women to look that way, porn has sabotoged my mind into wanting that. So my goal is quite literally a reboot. I need to retrain my mind. My history with porn is about 16-17 yrs. 12-13 online. DVD rentals before that. I usually once a day PMO and I waste about an hour searching P in the process. Sometimes twice a day, but not often. So Id obviously also like that wasted time back. My biggest trigger has to be "down time" or boredom. Which is a mystery to me cuz I always have plenty to do. Also, I am a rather anxious person. Not socially, but I tend to get stressed easily. Im not sure, but I think Ive also convinced my mind into thinking PMO will ease the stress. Which it obviously does not. Anyways, thats enough about me for now. Just wanted to give a little background. Im on day 6 and its going OK I guess. Some strong urges yesterday. I put blockers on my laptop and phone. I know thats not the answer, but it tends to help for now. Ive skimmed thru most of this post and it seems that there is some great advice and observations. I will make sure to go back and read more closely and hopefully use that experience to help me. Thanks for letting me join, look forward to talking to you all soon.
Hi guys. Checking in. I'm at 57 days, but have to admit that I've really (I mean REALLY) been struggling with fantasy the last few days. I take responsibility, but believe it started after something I read on this site. Who knows, maybe I would have been in the exact same place even if I hadn't read it, but this does have me wondering how honest I can or should be though, because... I don't want my commentary to be a trigger for someone else. I am thinking about getting back in to counseling and actively looking for various groups (social and/or addiction) in my local area, to address my loneliness as well as pmo. I'll keep fighting because it is important for me to do this for myself, as well as my partner. Also, just want to say awesome job at getting to 12 days @Halibut!
Cheers buddy. Let's not forget that I am not trying to beat the PMO cycle but the use of escorts that has led from PMO. Intention is, after a few months of being on straight and narrow to do the PMO as well.
Hey man, It sounds like being a dev and regularly accessing the router would be more difficult for sure. I am decently tech savvy myself and I’ve had filters, etc set up in the past that I’ve been able to easily bypass as well. I would spend time trying to figure out how to unlock them and would often succeed. As soon as I would though, I would be instantly regretful as I would feel like the one safety net I’d established was gone. I’ve now gone through considerable trial and error and have found an app at least strong enough that I would have to at least put in a considerable amount of effort to break. The main key though is this. I’ve basically set a line not to try to break through stuff that I’ve set up now. Even if I tried, it would be harder at this point because I’ve easily broken through the weaker stuff before. So through experience, I’ve figured out what blocks are needed to get me to a point where I accept that the effort to break through isn’t worth it. Further, after breaking through stuff in the past, I realize how valuable it is to have some blocks set up so I don’t have to fight the urges. I can guarantee that if I didn’t have these blocks, I would feel hopeless because i personally don’t possess the willpower to resist when I can just access the porn with a couple easy clicks. The hope to recover that these blocks gives me is more than enough to keep me from ever coming close to trying to unlock stuff again. Again, I don’t know your situation exactly. I’m fortunate that if I plan ahead, I don’t really need the internet at all to do 90% of my work. The times when i don’t plan ahead are when I get in trouble. Also, I wish there was some combination of tech that was impenetrable - but it seems there’s always some damn way around. Sorry for the novel.
Checking in. Finally back from my trip but still crazy busy trying to catch up with everything after being gone so long. Still going strong tho. @kllrbee welcome to the group. We are glad to have you. There is a lot of good stuff posted in the past 12 pages of this forum and much more to come. The road is not easy but worth it. Looking forward to having you along on the journey. Limited time tonight but hopfully get back to a normal routine in a few days. Hope everyone is going strong.
Checkin in, and I’d be lying if I said it’s been easy. Very tempted to check out some fave P this evening, and then the cycle would continue. I curse the invention of high speed internet! Seriously though, dropping some truth on here with y’all is what’s keeping the fight goin. Giving in to temptation is for the weak, and we are strong. My will to succeed shall not be broken..
Welcome @kllrbee , I definitely relate to your story, particularly boredom being a trigger, and the mind fooling me into thinking PMO will ease stress. There is a wealth of information and support here. Good luck on your journey.
Hello @PolarOtter Is fantasy a new behavior for you? Porn has dampened my ability to fantasize, so I wonder if this is a sign your mind is recovering from porn. I've spent time around 12-step tables and found it valuable on many levels.
"Giving in to temptation is for the weak, and we are strong. My will to succeed shall not be broken." Whoo, I want to put that on a banner and hang it on a wall!
