Community’s thoughts - difficulty climaxing during sex

Hello Rizkybob, yes there is a way to regain your sensitivity!

I experienced the same as you with more severe issues causing ED at its worst moments. Often my ex-girlfriend would stop our activities because it took me too long climaxe and we would leave both frustrated. Sometimes I didn't feel also anything. Me because I could not perform and she because she thought I would not adore her body and mind. I also had the same worries as you have now. I struggled for more than 2 years with my issue until I finally got it under control again - it must be said that I needed so long to recover because I didn't know myself what to do as well. The things that worked for me and that got proposed to me by my therapist were following:

• Make a PMO detox!
• Later on I would suggest to try to quit with porn completely. Reduce the number you masturbate as good as possible! If it is a coping mechanism for you eg. stress relieve try to find another way to compensate it with.
• If you cannot resist the urge to masturbate, it is not such a big deal, BUT only do it when laying in bed or standing in your shower AND use the natural movement of your body. Hips for and back! We trained our brain to think that it is normal to have sex in a stiff crampy position while sitting. Your brain needs to forget this behavior and get used to the real thing again! Try to image being with a girl you love while doing so. I know at first it will be hard to even think about anything else because it will feel akward. But trust me your imagination will come back and will be very helpful.
• Do not masturbate dry anymore. TAKE YOUR TIME WHILE DOING IT and do not stress yourself. Don't have a hard grip. Make slow fluent movements. Your brain and your body have to get use again to the real feeling.
• In my ex-relationship the girl would sometimes make mean comments about my performance in bed because of course it was also frustrating with her. It did hurt my confidence quite a lot. Gaining back this control has a lot to do with your mindset as well.

These are all the things that you can do on your own and that helped me! I hope they will work for you as well. After the breakup with my ex-relationship I was able to manage my first successful detox of 3 months! To be honest I still was quite nervous and worried that it would happen again with another girl. I soon after met my amazing girlfriend that I am with now. What I did to prevent it to happen again was following:

• I openly spoke with my girlfriend about my addiction and the causes it had on me before becoming intimate with her. Her acceptence and care ment so much to me. Especially in the recoverment from addictions related issues with it, honesty is a major factor in the speed of recovery. If you are honest to others that care for you, you probably will be honest to yourself too. I promised her not to take the ED prescribed medication anymore.
• Practicing Slow Sex. Taking it slow in bed and regaining a healthy relationship with my sexuality helped tremendously in the progress. Over the timespan over several months we would slowly gain more and more intimaticy (thanks to her). This really help rewire the wrong image in my head about sex. Usually I would get right into it - as I learned from porn and other girls. It took me quite some time to understand what a wrong picture I had about sex in the first place even though I always respected and cared about women.
• Last but not least I think it is important to understand that having sex does not need to be picture perfect like in hollywood movies. You can take a break while doing it or stop if you don't want to without the need to take it personal. You can laugh and joke while doing it and there should be no preasure for orgasm. The most important is to enjoy the time with each other and to bond.

I hope you can gain some value from all the information i just wrote! Don't give up, focus on a goal (mine was to get over my ED before the next relationship) and run for it! There is nothing to lose just to gain brother!

PS.: I am not a doctor so I do not dare to make an assumption about damaging your nervendings when masturbating too much. I just want to let you know that a reduced sensetivity is nothing uncommon when dealing with porn related addictions. There is always the possibility to get checked by an urologist. There is no shame in reaching out for more information and make sure your own body is in good shape.

 

I am happy to help out! It gives me a feeling I at least gain some possitivity back from the issues I had in the past.

I totally get you! It was the same with me. I couldn't understand what was going on because I always pinned it to my ED problem. After I realized the medication still didn't fix the issue I got quite worried. I went to two urologist and a therapist until I found the answers I was looking for.

Yes, the sex has never felt better and I sometimes climax faster than I intend to. Haha. It is a progress though! Everytime, I gain some more confidence and feeling back! It is amazing.