Cumberland5000
New Fapstronaut
***Some may be trigger warnings****
I was first married for 15 years. Granted, that started in our 20's. My addiction always wanted her to do more....more....she got implants. Then, I wanted her to get bigger ones. She did that and I wanted her to dress seductive...more showing...more sheer, more braless...etc. It was never enough. We even soft-swung a bit, which was totally out of our typical behaviour, but it was just a need for a constant high/ dopamine. More, more, more.
It eventually eroded our marriage. People found out, it was public, etc. Tarnished everything.
I remarried someone who is wonderful. Kindest person I've ever met. Beautiful, very fit, very athletic, great to my children. However, she is much more conservative compared to my previous marriage.
I find myself often seeing her as boring because she doesn't dress seductive, that she doesn't have implants, that she is more "appropriate." So, therefore, I have a hard time finding her sexually interesting, even though she would like it all the time.
This sickness taints and ruins so, so much. I have been clean for a few weeks. I have noticed that I am not locked in as much on every beautiful girl who walks by. I have also found that when I walk by and kiss my wife it turns me on.
Is that the addiction lightening some? I am just so, so frustrated and disgusted with myself. Here I have it made and yet this addition makes me unfulfilled and distracted.
I was first married for 15 years. Granted, that started in our 20's. My addiction always wanted her to do more....more....she got implants. Then, I wanted her to get bigger ones. She did that and I wanted her to dress seductive...more showing...more sheer, more braless...etc. It was never enough. We even soft-swung a bit, which was totally out of our typical behaviour, but it was just a need for a constant high/ dopamine. More, more, more.
It eventually eroded our marriage. People found out, it was public, etc. Tarnished everything.
I remarried someone who is wonderful. Kindest person I've ever met. Beautiful, very fit, very athletic, great to my children. However, she is much more conservative compared to my previous marriage.
I find myself often seeing her as boring because she doesn't dress seductive, that she doesn't have implants, that she is more "appropriate." So, therefore, I have a hard time finding her sexually interesting, even though she would like it all the time.
This sickness taints and ruins so, so much. I have been clean for a few weeks. I have noticed that I am not locked in as much on every beautiful girl who walks by. I have also found that when I walk by and kiss my wife it turns me on.
Is that the addiction lightening some? I am just so, so frustrated and disgusted with myself. Here I have it made and yet this addition makes me unfulfilled and distracted.