Completed over 90 days of Nofap, went back to porn BIG mistake.

[looking4cure]

So I have been doing nofap for probably almost 2 years now. I would relapse for the first few months maybe once every week or two. until finally after about over a year and a half I completed the 90 days. I was feeling great my motivation and discipline was through the roof. I found a new fascination about learning about computers and computer ethical hacking. At work I would listen to podcasts and books for at least an hour or two about computers and computer security/hacking. I would then come home and read, do homework and do studies on my own. I even bought some video games such as portal 2 to increase my analytical skills for the future of solving problems.

I decided one night that screw it I'm going to watch porn so I did. And guess what? Nothing too negative happened compared to what happened when I watched porn when i was less recovered. Porn had a whole entire no feel, it was almost like discovering it again for the first time. I decided I wasnt going to watch it again... but guess what I did. twice the next day.. still didnt feel like it effected me much. I decided again and again...I was having pretty minimal sessions. It was all feeling pretty healthy, i wasnt watching anything that was considered fetish or hardcore. It was all feeling healthy until I had uncontrollable urges at work. I could also feel a slight spiral of me going back into darkness. I went to the bathroom at work because the feeling was so intense it was like i had to urinate.. I masterbaited there... Now it was about day 8 of seeing porn and my motivated and glow seem to be nearly gone. The anxiety is back, still not quite as strong but I NEED to stop now. I am way more lazy and I hardly care about my school work or learning on my own. The only thing I'm super motivated about right now is kicking this habit before things start going SUPER downhill.

Don't go back to it guys. When I went back I was surprised how disappointing porn actually was. Just like a drug though its just exciting enough to come back again and again only to be disappointed most the time because it inst real.

 

[StanleyB]

I feel like quitting porn is like this, you keep quitting until you finally do. They say that people who quit smoking tend to have on average 10 unsuccessful attempts before they finally kick the habit for good. As far as I am concerned nicotine is nothing compared to pornography. I shudder to think how hard it would have been to quit if cigarettes could have been delivered through a computer screen.

Thank you for sharing your struggle. I deeply empathize with your situation. Please don't beat yourself up about it too much. Now you know that the siren song of pornography, the fuck it button, will always be in your head. It can happen in an instant. I blew my recovery for a similar reason, I can't explain it but after 90 days without porn I just decided one day that I was just going to look at some. It's been 15 years since I quit smoking, and although the cravings are FEW and far between these days, I still sometimes get a craving, maybe once every couple of years. Porn will always be the same. You will probably get an urge sometimes for the rest of your life. It's okay, you will get stronger.

Whatever you do DO NOT RELAPSE. You have made tremendous progress, and if you give in now and spend the next few days compulsively PMO'ing you will blow months of progress. Don't do it to yourself. You are worth more.

 

[IceRoots]

I had a similar experience. Had 104 days and relapsed. My reason was the ED when having my first time with my gf but that doesn't matter. I rationalized porn and started the habit again until urges hit me everywhere. Now, that I started a new reboot, I feel all the benefits from before, just more intense. Its kind of strange but it seems like my body understood Nofap and realized that PMO was bad when I went back to it from 0 to 100%. It is also much easier for me now.

So do what I did and start your reboot again. Now, that you can directly see the impact of porn to your life you have so much more reasons to give it up, so just do it.

 

[looking4cure]

Thanks for the words of inspiration guys. I still feel incredibly better than I used to feel when I was constantly watching porn. At first it was seeming beneficial to pmo I was feeling really good. I think after awhile my brain realized it was being tricked maybe and what I was doing was not in a real situation. Did you guys feel similar? btw I have never had sex but I feel like it would have been pretty easy for me to connect with someone before I went down this slow downward spiral. Now I'm not trying to think of anything sexual and just getting back into recovery. I think in a week or two I'll be back to normal, and I learned a difficult lesson.

 

[Deleted Account]

Thank you for sharing. I been there and done that and have PMO after I reached 90 days and it is a shitty feeling afterwords. A few minutes of pleasure is not at all worth it.

Yet I have learned from my mistakes and you too learn from your mistakes and not give up the good fight.

 

[Border_]

Yep.. I relapsed not one but two very long streaks, each 400+ days. I like how one poster said, the F it button. Slowly I made compromises which eroded my willpower than bam the barrier broke again. At some point I feel like we just have to stop overthinking NoFap and get to a realization on a deep level to be repulsed by it and swat away the buzzing urges for it that will probably always be there from time to time.

My last relapse sparked 1.5 years now of 10 - 60 day relapses and only now do I finally feel like I'm getting back to the level of opposition I had against it before. Like I've been trying this whole time but lacking a full commitment. Addiction in general and especially this one is strange... I really don't want to go back to it but all of my experiences so far leave me kind of at a loss how to get long-term abstinence and be confident about it.

 

[looking4cure]

The urges are super intense, the only reason I can say no is because I would be losing the grounding I have to myself more and more. It is truely amazing how quitting PMO can really transform you into a happier and more fulfilling life. A HUGE life hack in my experience.