Completely hopeless...then maybe a glimmer of hope?

Welcome to the Nofap community.

There is always hope.

I am just wondering why you did find this site and not he? It seems he is not seriously looking for a change in his life. An alcohol addicted person often has to smash the bottom until he is ready to get rid of addiction. As long as your bf doesn’t make own initiative it will not be easy at all. And getting rid of PMO addiction obviously needs a lot of determination.

Don’t fall in love, rise in love. It’s his choice to change his life. Discussion about what? That he will never lie? He already told you since years. I never was in such a relationship and it would be most helpful if other addicted persons and their partners would give you advices. A great challenge for you. Sometimes it’s better to leave a person.

 

I'm sorry that you're going through this, I'm a PA myself, and can tell you that this is a hard recovery process, but it can work, I'm going to link one of my journals for you so maybe it can show you a little perspective on someone else's journey and the support you can find in here
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/damage.142518/#post-1156671

 

You should encourage him to join this community and read, and learn, and start a reboot ASAP

 

Maybe my words were hard for you. Usually I am commenting in „soft“ way. Hopefully the „serious discussion“ is clear enough to let your SO understand: either he quits his addiction or the relationship definitely will have an end. To me this alternative is the only solution. Your SO will be fortunate to be supported by you and the Nofap community. But it is his choice to make a honest commitment.

 

Welcome to the forum. I’m so sry that you’re going through this. You are among friends here that will give you encouragement and support. Throughout your journey please care for yourself. That is one of the most important things you can do. One thing is for sure, you do not deserve any of this and it is not your fault. There are so many helpful resources here. Try to learn as much about this addiction as possible so you are armed with information and truth. I know how difficult this is especially during the initial discovery. Hang in there and Hugs to you!

 

I’m aghast. The behavior you described would only be acceptable if you were only dating but not committed. This is not a man who considers himself about to be married.

I’m much more concerned about your state of mind than his. Is there some reason to keep this wedding date? I would not consider marrying a man who is cheating.

Ask yourself why you would knowingly choose this for yourself?

I know I’m being harsh. If I were in front of you I would shake you and beg you not to do this. I would beg you to postpone this wedding indefinitely. He would have to be in ongoing treatment for at least two years making massive progress before I would even consider it. There is no benefit to you in this. No way he could be good enough in any other way to compensate for cheating.

 

Recovery is possible...it’s a process though and he has to want it and work it. Hang in there!

But also please see what @blk45 said above. I agree with her that you need to consider if you want to marry someone who has cheated. There is a thread on here somewhere asking if you knew about the PA before getting married would you still do it. I’ll tag you if/when I find it. There might be some insight in there for you.

As I said before please take care of you because that is the most important thing!

 

Just keep in mind that being an addict is a reason but not an excuse. It is wonderful to support them IF the seek help but don’t do it at the expense of yourself and your happiness. Don’t ever settle for less than you deserve because it that is exactly what you’ll end up with! I did it for 5 hellish years and I don’t wish it on anyone. But as I said recovery is possible but he has to choose it.

 

As a fellow engaged woman, I feel for you so very much. Are you still wearing your engagement ring? I only ask because as a safety boundary for myself... I took mine off. For a very good while. Until I felt I could trust him again. Mostly this was because my engagement ring is a trigger for a very traumatic D-day we had. Basically I found his porn as well as the finished order for my ring at the same time on his phone. He PMO'd the night he ordered it and asked my father's permission.

Gosh, our stories sound so similar. Though my SO has only used craigslist the one time, very recently, it's turned into a very hard boundary for me. That is so close to actually cheating that I couldn't tolerate it. That was the last straw. Now I have very strong boundaries.

Take care of yourself okay? We are all here for each other here. Let me know if I can help with any thought processing when it comes to engagement. Keep your head up, darling. We won't let you drown.

 

Marriage is the natural result of a commitment that two people already made deep within. There is no need for a boundary about other people.

The couple already know that they want them be kept only for each other.

The claim isn’t legal it’s a reality that comes from something deep within the heart.

A woman deserves a mans unconditional commitment as a result of his unconditional love.

 

But when it's a habit he had before the marriage and he's most likely been doing it since puberty, that line is a little blurry for lots of PAs here.
It's alot of rewiring
Because it's a "habit" not a physical person