Confidence : whats the secret ?

That's a very good question. I feel pretty confident most of the time, but it doesn't get me women or even a lot of friends. I just do my own thing, which I think bothers people who are not doing their own thing.
Looks count for a lot in our warped society. I'm probably a 7/10 looks-wise and that's not good enough to get too many women to notice me. I am confident, though. It's a quiet confidence (unless I get angry about someone's stupidity), but it's there.

 

In my experience pretending to be confident is indistinguishable from being confident. I sometimes ask myself "What would a confident person do?" and then I do that.

 

Fake it till you make it.

Confidence is basically the mindset that you're capable of doing what you set your mind to, and if you don't have the mindset, take the risk of doing the thing even if you are sure you will fail hard. You might surprise yourself and actually succeed. If you don’t, repeated exposure will help you get over the fear of failure, because you'll see that failure isn't really that scary. Once you get over the fear of failure, you won't be as tense and you can loosen up, and that's when the confidence kicks in.

There's a secret that a lot of people don't know about guys who are good with girls. They get shot down, a lot. But, they don't let that get them down and they keep talking to women. If you talk to 100 women and get shot down 90 times, you still got the numbers of 10 women. And, if you can handle getting shot down 90 times, you learn what works and what doesn't, so you can keep refining your game.

 

So you have to suffer humiliation 90% of the time to get ten phone numbers? Phone numbers are useless.

 

That's the key tenet behind Psycho-Cybernetics: if you take the time to imagine what a confident person does, then imagine yourself confident and doing those confident actions, and then going out of your way to do those actions, eventually your brain will understand that this is what you should be. You gotta fake it until you make it bruv

 

experience

when you practice something, you become more confident that you can do it

when something gives you stress, it needs more practice

 

It's an example. But you're demonstrating the point. A confident person doesn't see it as 90% humiliation. A common thing that holds people back is the fear of humiliation, which is second cousin to fear of failure.

Are phone numbers useless these days? I'm married now and I've been out of the game for awhile, but that's what we did back in my day if you wanted to talk to a girl again.

 

99% of confidence is an act, try it out in small ways like when you visit a shop and notice the reaction you get, just a few words of conversation with a shop assistant you don't know and will never see again. Even if it is just something along the lines of "hello how are you today, I hope you are having a good day" smile as you are saying it and then when you are about to leave say something like "thank you very much enjoy the rest of your day" it doesn't matter if it is a man or woman serving you are not going to see them again. Try it a few times and check the reactions. Good luck

 

There is no magic formula for this, it is a skill that you practice.

Successfully exposing yourself to things you fear or find challenging, every win will bring forth more confidence in your ability.

Practicing belief in yourself. Challenging the thoughts that make you second guess a decision.

As anything else, it takes time and work.

Good luck

 

Fake it till you make it is a way to try, although I would recommend a different approach here.

Confidence is a feeling in your gut that tells you everything is going to be ok. And yeah, you totally can spot the difference between fake confidence and a true one.

I had my ups and downs in life, and I'm less confident in some areas and more in others but generally lack of confidence is not a thing you could accuse me of. Understand and trust the process of learning in little steps. That's a different game than getting a number from strangers. You accept that you'll make mistakes, mispronounce something, say something silly, misunderstand, be awkward, and it all, and it's going to be ok. We all do such things.

Try for example talking to a stranger for a few minutes. Like on a bus, or at the shop. It doesn't have to be a girl, and the aim is not to get into their pants. It's just to engage with someone. And do that until you feel ok with doing just this.

Meanwhile, develop your character, looks, listening skills, passions, and step by step build your inner feeling, that you are going to be just fine.

 

Too many games to be played.

 

All of life is a game. You can make yourself or others miserable by playing the game to game others, or you can enjoy the game having fun with friends and interesting people.

 

Or I can be a real man and not play games at all. That's for children.

 

"Real men" play games all the time. Ever heard of sports?

Life without games sounds like a boring way to live.

 

A bunch of overpaid men playing children's games. When I grew up, I put away childish things.

 

I pay to play sports, alas no league is willing to pay me

Seriously, what a sad definition of "growing up". There is no definition of being a "man" that requires living such a barren life.

Fun fact, games are good for you. Team games increase social connections by bonding over a shared effort, which has been proven to decrease depression and increase longevity. Team sports are a fun way to get exercise. Games of skill keep the brain stimulated, which has been shown to prevent diseases like Alzheimers.

 

I won't be original: experience.

Challenge yourself. I'm a pretty shy person in a group, but when I have a chance to talk to a single, new person, I do it. It's fun meeting people. The more people you get to know, the more confidence you gain. So, experience. Simple (but hard to take the first few steps).

 

Ok, so how does all this relate to mind games? Those are for people who have too much estrogen.

 

Mind games are for those who want to make themselves or others miserable trying to game others, which is different than games for fun.

But mind games aren't for people who have "too much estrogen" (what is up with this needless sexism?) Mind games can be used to create drama, or mind games can be used as another level of warfare, a way of outsmarting or confusing your enemy. Mind games are a powerful weapon in actual war or negotiations.

I prefer mind games like Soduku, however.