Conflicted...

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by goodguy1225, Nov 28, 2019.

  1. goodguy1225

    goodguy1225 Fapstronaut

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    Hi All:

    I’m coming back to NoFap for guidance since it has helped me a lot in the past. Quick summary, got deep into P and eventually SP. Found NoFap and have been able to abstain from P for a year plus. It has done so much for me and given me so much clarity.

    In my past I’ve also enjoyed camming for older guys, but stopped since it usually led to M and I was abstaining. Well, I was on a recent work trip and my wife and I got massages. I spent an hour or so in the male only section of the spa prior to the massages and wore a bathing suit. Very zen and relaxing but I couldn’t stop thinking about being naked for all these guys. Before the massage I ended up M’ing in the shower with a finger in my A. We then had the massage and afterwards we were able to go back to the separate areas of the spa. This time I decided to go nude. I went in the hot tub and noticed a man across the room kind of watch me. I then got out of the shower and went to a steam/spray type room which was kind of private. I began enjoying the spray and felt really sexy. Next thing I know I turn around and that guy is in the room with me, watching me. I got turned on and we ended up touching each other down there for maybe 10 seconds and then he left. I can’t stop thinking about it and would love your input/thoughts.
     
  2. romeolima

    romeolima Fapstronaut

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    I didn't want to leave your post just hanging here but I'm not sure what your asking.

    You've set out a scenario in which you went to a spa with your wife and yet ended up sexually engaging with another man, a stranger. If we assume that your wife doesn't know about this event, doesn't know about your bisexuality (or possible homosexuality, you don't clarify how you feel about this) then clearly you've got issues.

    Assuming that this is your conundrum then I think you have some very serious issues to address in terms of your relationship with your wife.

    Do you want to continue to explore your bisexuality/homosexuality? If so then you need to be honest with your wife because you cannot continue to deceive her, it's not fair on her, the longer it goes on the greater the betrayal and the more damage you will cause to her.

    Do you want to concentrate on salvaging your relationship with your wife? Then you need to address the issue of your bisexuality (if your homosexual then this isn't an option) if you want to maintain it as part of your relationship then again you need to be honest with her and she has to accept. If you want to work back to keeping it as a fantasy only then you need to consider if you can do this.

    I hope these thoughts help you in some way, even if it's clarifying what you concerns are so that other might be able to offer further/better advice.

    Good luck.
     
    Ajikan and Luvspin68 like this.
  3. goodguy1225

    goodguy1225 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the reply. I’m very attracted to woman so not gay, but based on this event and feelings in the past I think I might be bi-curious.

    But I’m not attracted to men’s bodies, it’s more the feeling I get when they watch me or desire me. I know it’s my ego loving the attention and I think I may be somewhat of an exhibitionist. Not sure if I want to explore this further or not. Don’t want to over think it but curious if there really is a bi-sexual desire or if it’s more a psychological want to be desired. I know that if I want to explore this any further then I’ll need to discuss with my wife. My conscious is too strong to try and do this on the side and be okay with it.
     
    romeolima likes this.
  4. romeolima

    romeolima Fapstronaut

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    I think you have answered you own question in your reply here.

    Only your wife can decide if it's something that she can live with, how you move on will be linked directly to her decision.

    It's not going to be an easy conversation to have, for either of you, and I wish you strength.
     
    Ajikan and goodguy1225 like this.

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