Confused about my sexual desires.

Your post sounds a bit odd to me. Are you genuinely surprised that women give you a negative response if you ask them their thoughts on facefucking within a few minutes of meeting them / within exchange of a few messages? Come on!

 

Nice, dude! Keep up the great work. Remember, it happens one day at a time. The only day you really have to make it through is this one.

I'm sure exercise and diet have helped you feel better in lots of different ways. Good on ya.

This might be difficult for you to hear, but it might never really go away. I don't know if we can ever truly get rid of our addictions. They don't die, they just become like sleeping beasts that are easily awakened if we tempt them.

Be careful. It sounds like you might be using these dating websites as a porn substitute. You need to ask yourself why you are spending time asking those types of questions on dating websites. Better than that: ask yourself why you watched porn in the first place. Do you watch porn because you're lonely? bored? insecure? feel out-of-place? trouble sleeping? unhappy with where you're at in life? If you find that the reason you're reaching out to these women on dating sites with those types of questions is the same reason you were watching porn, then it's probably going to hurt you just as much as porn has been.

As long as all the people involved are consenting adults, I don't really think there's anything wrong with what you want to do in the bedroom. You shouldn't feel bad about your attractions or the things you want to do in the bedroom, but I wouldn't be surprised if some women are made uncomfortable by you talking about sex acts in detail on a dating website. It might come off as a little creepy. Maybe you should try to get to know the women you're talking to instead of telling them about the things you want to do to them in bed?

I'm not sure how I should be parsing this comment. It sounds like you're doing one of the following things:

• Trying to convince yourself that 'amateur' porn is a representation of realistic sex. I hate to burst your bubble, but it's just not. Amateur porn is just as much of a business as professional porn. It's still about generating viewership by producing novelty. Besides, there's a deeper issue: How do you know that the stuff you're seeing in these videos is actually happening between two regular people and not between two porn stars? What is stopping professional porn producers from making an amateur-looking clip? There's certainly an audience for 'amateur' porn.
• Trying to justify your porn usage by claiming that 'amateur' porn is somehow better. Again, it's just not. It's just as damaging for you psychologically, physiologically, and sexually to watch amateur porn. It can still give you unrealistic expectations of what sex is all about, it still isolates you, it's still addictive.
• Trying to justify your sexual kinks or fetishes by appealing to the fact that people do those same acts in amateur porn. As I've stated in my previous points, amateur porn is not a realistic representation of what sex is like. That doesn't mean that your sexual fetishes are abnormal, or that they're immoral, or that they're "incorrect" or anything like that. I actually think your fetish is pretty common, but I don't think you need to justify it by appealing to the stuff you've seen in amateur porn. Fetishes don't need to be justified. They're just a part of who you are.

No, there's nothing wrong with it, dude. However, I wouldn't open with it. You probably wouldn't have any success approaching a woman at a bar and asking detailed questions about her sexual fetishes, so why do you think that sort of method would work any better on a dating website? Save those sorts of questions for a time when you've already gotten to know someone. Try to establish some kind of a relationship with them, so that you trust one another enough to open up about your sexual fantasies and kinks.

 

Mind...blown! Why have I never thought of this!? My porn brain is stoo-pid.

 

No need to beat yourself up. I'm glad you see it now. Another thing about amateur porn: even if it is made by "real people" who aren't paid porn actors, it's still important to recognize that it isn't an accurate representation of what sex is actually like. Do people typically have a camera recording them when they have sex? No. The whole thing is an illusion, and it's just as phony of an experience as the over-produced Hollywood-like porn.

 

Yeah, we have to be weary of porn substitutes as addicts. A lot of people will abstain from porn only to find themselves masturbating to pictures of models on Instagram, Facebook, or Snapchat, or to find themselves fantasizing and arousing themselves while reading erotic fiction. Porn substitutes reinforce the same, unhealthy behaviors that porn does. At the end of the day, you're still isolated from other people, emotionally closed-off, and indulging in a false source of sexual satiety whether you're watching porn or arousing yourself from saying sexual things to women on dating websites.

My advice is just not to use them at all. In my experience, dating websites aren't really a great way to meet people. A great way to meet people is to focus on doing things you're passionate about. Find a local meetup or something like that where people get together to do something that you also like doing. You'll meet people who are like you in at least one way, and you'll immediately have stuff to talk about as a result.

Sounds like a good plan. I think you'll be alright, dude