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Confused & Feel like a monster

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Sr20, Sep 23, 2019.

  1. Sep 23, 2019 #1
    Sr20

    Sr20 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    My partner and i have been together for 6 months and I would like to start by saying I love my partner with everything I have. She is nothing but supportive (especially during this reboot) very understanding & the love of my life. She cares for me and she is always putting me first. I can't fault her and that is the honest truth.

    I am just over 7 weeks today and I have changed a lot. I have started noticing my body working properly again and being able to have sex normally is amazing.

    We both have different sex drives and as a result of the reboot I'm confused now if my sex drive before was all because of porn and just doing it to do it, or if my drive is actually that high. I get very moody when we don't have sex and start having irrational thoughts like "Does she want me?" "Does she find me attractive?" ( and going through the reboot makes it even worse because I can't just go and M......
    What if my sex drive is actually this high and I can't take it anymore and I start having arguments ect...... I'm confused and I also feel like a monster. She is someone I could see myself marrying. I don't know if it's the hormones talking or if it's really me.

    I have had chats with her and told her how I feel but I also know that I can't change her and I don't want to. I feel bad everytime I talk about it because I feel like I'm trying to guilt trip her and I'm really not. I just want to be open with her.

    Has anyone in a relationship experienced this??

    Any advise or insight would be greatly appreciated, Thank you for reading.
     
    Sr20, Sep 23, 2019
    Sr20, Sep 23, 2019
    #1
    M-mcfly likes this.
  2. Sep 23, 2019 #2
    M-mcfly

    M-mcfly Fapstronaut

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    I’ve been with my partner 13 years and have been watching porn for the most part during that time.

    I’m sure she probably does want you. How old are you and how long have you been together? What would you do if you wasn’t in a relationship? Would you still want nofap? How bad do you want this?
     
    M-mcfly, Sep 23, 2019
    M-mcfly, Sep 23, 2019
    #2
  3. Sep 23, 2019 #3
    Sr20

    Sr20 Fapstronaut

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    I'm 33 and we have been together 6 months.
    Yeah that is very true. If i was single I would probably be going around in the same circle. I wanted to fix myself not only for me but for our relationship.

    I believe her when she says she wants me and that we just have different sex drives but I'm scared that if my drive stays this high after resetting I'll go insane lol

    But I know on the flip side what we have on a personal level is something I will most likey never find again with anyone. That I'm sure of
     
    Sr20, Sep 23, 2019
    Sr20, Sep 23, 2019
    #3
    M-mcfly likes this.
  4. Sep 24, 2019 #4
    hope4healing

    hope4healing NoFap Moderator
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    It's very likely that you don't know what your natural sex drive is really like, especially if PMO has been around since you were young. Many PA's like to blame their supposed 'high drive' for their addiction, but I think that's more rationalization than fact. During active addiction, it's all about the dopamine hit, not intimacy and a deep connection with your SO, and your brain wants a steady dose. So, the frequency of PMO doesn't necessarily correlate to your sex drive. The further you get into recovery, the better you will begin to understand the difference. It just takes time.

    Be very careful and stay mindful of this because this is your addiction talking. You've been starving it for so long, and the longer that happens, the more desperate it becomes. The addict part will try to trick you in any way possible to get you to feed it....telling you that your gf isn't available enough or often enough, or she doesn't make you feel wanted, etc. There are a thousand different ways to try to pull you back in, but if you stay cognizant of this, you have a much better chance for a lasting, successful recovery.

    You're doing so well...50 days is a great start! Just keep going, and don't let PA sneak its way back in.
     
    hope4healing, Sep 24, 2019
    hope4healing, Sep 24, 2019
    #4
    Faceplanter, Susannah, EyesWideOpen and 2 others like this.
  5. Sep 24, 2019 #5
    Sr20

    Sr20 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much mate, you make so much sense and you really out things into perspective. The mind tricks are so cunning through out my reboot I have all kinds of thoughts and you are right in saying it's the addiction trying to get back in and get what It wants. In the past I would act out and say things but after this reboot process I'm really looking at things more rationally (well trying) and I'm not going to give in. Especially when it comes to my partner. I wouldn't be here today conquering the things I'm conquering if it wasn't for her support. Talking about this has really made me feel and see things in a different light. I feel blessed to be part of such a supportive community.
     
    Sr20, Sep 24, 2019
    Sr20, Sep 24, 2019
    #5
    hope4healing likes this.

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