Confused, frustrated and unsure of what to do

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Daviesmark1, Nov 28, 2019.

  1. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    So, I'm currently on Day 14 (counter says otherwise but has not changed for some reason).
    I'm 21 years old and have been trying to ditch the habit of masturbating- predominantly to pictures and porn(which was not as often) for around 2/3 years. I have managed to reach 30 days on only two occasions during this time and found myself constantly giving in around the 3/4 day mark.

    But something changed my whole outlook on nofap around two months ago when I brought a girl back to my flat for the first time. It made me realise the time i'd been wasting masturbating to images of women, as opposed to seeking real connections. I was unable to obtain a condom that night so did not have sex, but I still managed everything else.

    I immediately stopped masturbating after this encounter, and then two weeks later... boom. Another girls comes along.

    To put things into perspective, my last girlfriend was when I was 16 and I have not really had anything serious/hook-ups at all since then. And I always wondered why that was, why I didn't have that need to go and find that. Then I realised, I was causing this issue through the act of masturbation.

    The first girl was more of a one night thing, but this girl appeared to be more of a serious relationship from the start. I met her through one of my friends and developed an instant connection, which was not through an app like Tinder which I tend to avoid due to it lacking that 'real' connection with a person.

    Anyway, things have slowly developed over the last month: I have taken her out three or four times, and have established that she is looking for a 'casual' relationship so to speak, which falls under more what i'm looking for as it happens.

    Things have been going well, but I took her back to mine last weekend and couldn't get it up during sex. Since then, I have been replaying the situation in my head and feeling so shit about what happened.

    I am still a virgin so this was quite a big deal for me. I had been thinking about what if that were to happen all during the week, which I think may have been my downfall as I was way too nervous going into it.

    She still stayed over and was quite ok with me about what happened, but her texts have since been less frequent and I fear i may have blown it now. I'm not ruling it out, but I've definitely not done myself any favours.

    At this moment I just feel so confused regarding a number of things: Was that incident due to PIED, given I never truly was an 'excessive' porn watcher? Could it have just been nerves? Would it happen again next time? Could it be due to being in flatline? Can you not still have sex in flatline? Am I wasting my time trying to patch things up with this girl given she now seems to have taken a step back? Am I Ok watching porn to learn more about techniques and not to masturbate?

    I want to continue my streak as I know it's not worth giving in, but I'm just a bit unsure of where to turn right now. Does anyone have any suggestions please?:/
     
  2. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    A couple of other points worth mentioning for context:
    • She came out of a long-term, two year relationship around 2 months before meeting me.
    • I work full time(working two separate jobs) as does she work full-time, which is why the casual relationship appears a better fit simply due to time.
    • The night I met her and failed to get it up, I had finished a 10-hour shift at 8:30 and then met her at 9:30, so was already tired before the night had begun.
    • Shortly before failing to get an erection, I was fingering her and she said I was being too rough with as she was sensitive. She went to the bathroom for around 10 mins after that happened, came back and that is when I failed to maintain an erection (though I was never really at that point prior to that too).
    • She left mine on good terms the next morning and still replied to me later that day on text.
    As it's only a casual kind of thing, I understand that texting every day is not necessary and the whole idea is that it's more relaxed. But she is now taking around 24 hours to reply to each of my texts, so there is never any conversational flow. Am I simply wasting my time in attempting to patch things up? She seems the type to give me a second chance, but I'm also fearful of a repeat of this.
     
  3. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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  4. PeterGrip

    PeterGrip Fapstronaut

    Hey man, I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't have any advice for you, but I'm wondering if you are in a flatline right now? Can you not get an erection from anything or do you get morning wood still?
     
  5. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    I may be. On day 16 right now. I am getting them occasionally but not regularly, not many random ones
     
  6. Never watch porn to learn techniques, that's a horrible idea, real sex has nothing to do with what you see in porn videos, if you want to learn new positions or tips on how to last more and things like that, just search for videos of sexologists on Youtube.

    You have to realize that your brain is trying to trick you intro watching porn, but the truth is that if you keep watching porn you will never be able to get it up.
     
    FX-05 and Daviesmark1 like this.
  7. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    I know that it's not the same as real life, but I just meant to help with things such as fingering techniques . You're probably be right, I'll have to try and find it somewhere else
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. blunt.ever

    blunt.ever Fapstronaut

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    When I'm reading your story, I'm seeing myself. One month ago, I wanted to begin my sexual life, but I didn't have erection. It was a shame experience, but if not happened that shit, I'll don't knowed situation's gravity.
     

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