Confused, Shameful and Broken

D

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31m and domestic abuse survivor from a 12 year relationship/9 year marriage.

I want everyone's opinion... I have noticed that I'm developing some intense/darker kinks sexually and I did some research. What I found was our brain will take a traumatic event, subconsciously process the pain we're in and then turn the things that once hurt us into sexual kinks in order to "take our power back" from it.

It's super dark but a lot of humiliation, bdsm, forced feminization, sissy and even forced group play...

I've recently met someone that's amazing and I'm terrified of losing her bc of this. Please help.
 
You don't need to feel ashamed. Every single person who gets to this point has the same story of escalation to those kinks. It's not you, it's just your brain.
 
Spend some time reading these forums and you'll see tons of people who've experienced the same thing.

Just stop looking at porn man. Completely. It isn't easy, but that's the solution. Over time you'll normalize.

Keep reading the forums. You won't feel alone or crazy and you'll see other people struggling with the same thing. And winning. And you'll win too.

Good luck bro. Get psyched. It's all uphill from here.
 
@lostguy is correct in stating that there's a progression towards darker and darker stuff as porn use continues.

@Haberdasher is correct in saying that - after you've stopped watching porn for a while - you'll be excited by normal sexual interactions. The kinks and fetishes will lose their hold on you.

I'll add that - if you're able to - you should probably talk with a therapist to work through your traumas. As you mentioned, @ABrokenHuman, your porn use is likely a coping mechanism to deal with the issues you've been through. A good therapist will help you to process those traumas in a healthy way so that you can come to terms with the past, lay it to rest, and move on with your life.

I'm sorry that you've been through the things that you've been through. And I'm sorry that you're struggling with the darkness that has been stirred up by them.

If you stick around here and start a journal, you will undoubtedly get plenty more encouragement and advise as you work on healing yourself.

Good luck bro. Get psyched. It's all uphill from here.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

- Spark Advance
 
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