Confused with this girl

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Al123, Apr 3, 2019.

  1. Al123

    Al123 Fapstronaut

    Hey guys,

    Haven't been on the site in a while but thought I'd post about this due to the incredible advice and support people have given me in the past.

    So basically I asked out this girl I knew. She said yes and the date was great, very few silences and the conversation just flowed. I later met her at a night club that same day, she was quite drunk and so I looked after her, we also kissed as well near the end before she left with her friends. She thanked me for looking after her too. I then asked her the next day at a student bar if she wanted to meet up for a coffee (we were both with our friends at the bar but had a brief conversation together). The next day we met at starbucks and this was also a great date, and before we both parted ways at the end of the date she kissed me on the lips and said that she had fun. This was completely sober by the way, this wasn't a drunk kiss and she initiated it. I asked her if she wanted to meet up during the spring vacation and she said yes. But just a few days later, she texted me saying that although she "enjoyed trying this out", she said she wasn't keen on the whole dating thing to continue. I replied saying that I respect her decision etc. But I just don't get why she'd kiss me, agree to go on a third date and then text me that!? I honestly don't know what I did wrong, I always payed for her drinks, I asked her questions about herself, she also asked me questions too and the conversations always flowed nicely. She would also text me asking where I was in the club, warning me about the queue at the student bar and asking how far away I was. My friends were also certain she liked me.
    This has also taken a hit on my confidence as I haven't been on a date in nearly 3 years and now when I get so close it just disappears in an instant. I was 99% certain that after a couple more dates we would be in a relationship.
    Your opinions on this are appreciated, thanks for taking the time to read!
     
  2. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    My ex-girlfriend sent me a letter about how much she loved me and two weeks later she hated me and broke up with me. Women, as same as men, can say or do things and then change their minds after thinking about it better. Do not think about it too much and move on.
     
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Let go of the need for any sort of closure or needing to fix yourself or the relationship. Usually when something goes wrong in a relationship, they're quick to double down on everything and try to fix things because they're overly invested in it.

    It's her choice. She has her reasons. It's done. If she wants to be with you, she would be with you.
     
  4. Al123

    Al123 Fapstronaut

    Yeah it's so confusing as you have experienced! But yeah I need to move on, I wish I could find out why though!
     
  5. Al123

    Al123 Fapstronaut

    Well said, thanks man.
     
  6. StarvingSparrow

    StarvingSparrow Fapstronaut

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    Pfft that's easy. It's because she's a chick... jk, sexism aside, one thing that helped me get over my breakup is this quote from Star Trek... you did everything right... my advice is just leave her be. Definitely try to be her friend but don't be offended if she doesn't want anything to do with you.. girls are weird
     

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  7. Al123

    Al123 Fapstronaut

    That's such a great quote! Haven't heard that before. And thanks for your comment! :)
     
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  8. Redstone95

    Redstone95 Fapstronaut

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    It looks like a lot of the replies here are pretty spot on, but my 2 cents for this all would be that to take this as a learning experience, not every little relationship/encounter/etc has to turn into something long term. Can be hard to accept but you can take comfort in that you did everything you could, and you'll definitely run into someone eventually that appreciates it
     
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  9. Al123

    Al123 Fapstronaut

    Thanks man I agree. This is the first time I've properly dated a girl and so I raised my hopes and got a little too overexcited early on, maybe this could've been the reason she ended things. I've realised that dating is a learning experience (as you said), and eventually one day I may get lucky.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2019
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  10. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Dating can be like that. Either party can change their minds at any time after any date, no matter how well it seemed to go. Sometimes it's a sharp "thanks, but no thanks", other times you find they just sort of go cold on you and the whole thing loses momentum. It can be frustrating, but the more you do it, the more able you are to not get ahead of yourself and to better control the situation.
     
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  11. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    The best you can do it´s to move on. You will never know why she send you that text. It could be anything.
    Another guy, an ex, her period, the date´s where ok but not enough, she saw your intentions of a relationship and run out just because she wanted to fool around, her mother don´t let her date you (jaja). I know you get the point, you could do everything ok but´s theres a lot of things going on on her head you will never know about.
    At the end when you want to be with a girl you try to make it happen. If she wants to be with you she will make it happen. So.. if she don´t, move on. And please don´t try to be his friend, that a poor spot where you will hope for a chance eventually, that´s not moving on. Stop talking to her and that´s when you will move on.
     
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  12. Al123

    Al123 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for that man, and yeah I've often thought the same about the whole friend thing. It is hard to move on when you're friends because it's just painful to know you're not going to go further. Thanks again! :)
     
  13. The Unfadeable

    The Unfadeable Fapstronaut

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    You may not be the only person she was dating.
     
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  14. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    She sounds like a modern day Thot just enjoying her cock carousel years and has many other options than just you.
     
  15. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    it means shes already banging three turbo chads on the side along with Tyrone and Jamal on the weekends. She has no need for "dating".
     
  16. StarvingSparrow

    StarvingSparrow Fapstronaut

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    Way to build each other up y'all... kudos
     
  17. Christian Fox

    Christian Fox Fapstronaut

    You're venomous. Please stop spreading your poison.
     
  18. AngelofDarkness

    AngelofDarkness Fapstronaut

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    There isn't really anything confusing about the fact that one has to be attracted to the person they want to start a relationship with. Unless it is love at first sight, you can only try to find out if there is attraction by getting to know someone. So she went on two dates with you, probably thought you were a nice guy, but nothing more. Don't take it personal and try to move on.
     
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  19. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    You chose the way of soy. That is embarassing.
     

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  20. being a girl myself, i would say it looks she meant she is not looking for dating but something more casual. some people at college don't want serious relationships. the last guy i dated lasted for a month, i thought it would have lasted a few months at least but then he changed his mind. you did nothing wrong. your value does not depend on if a girl "rejects" you or "dumps" you. you are great, the best ones are the ones not caring about being rejected. focus on your reboot goals and you'll find a girl looking for the same thing as you
     
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