Conquered the sin of lust.

Greetings fellow strugglers, I've come to you all bearing good news, but not without tribulations.
I've been walking on this journey of self recovery for around 3 months now, long gone are the times constant masturbation, with the thoughts of porn lodged in my mind like an itch that needs constant scratching.

I'll start from the beginning, I discovered porn when I was around 12, at night WOW cable would have channels in the 90's that would sometimes show porn clear and other times it would not. I had came to a video of supposed mother and daughter using a two sided dildo on each other. However as young as I was my semen was clear, from this point onward started an addiction to the feeling of my orgasm.

Everyday when I got home from school I would take my uncles porn video case "Seymores Butts" into the restroom to complete my orgasm, not necessarily knowing the mental repercussions, I gradually graduated upwards into actual videos and covers or pictures would no longer do it for me. My uncle had an extensive collection, which tided
me over until I was around 16 and that's when Internet Porn was introduced to me.

It began with simply a woman masturbating with herself, or riding a dildo, but as I aged, so too did my appetite for sexual stimulation. With that came anal, golden showers and many more that I will happily omit. Surprisingly even with the amount of porn I watched, I never understood that it was necessary for a woman to be moist before I would enter them, that was until my first sexual contact at the age of 18.

Growing up I read a plethora of books, and so my views on many of things came from them, I had gotten a hotel with my friends and spent the night there. I slept next to a woman with whom I had the chance to have intercourse with, but because at the time I believed that sex should hold more value than a one night stand, especially with a woman I never knew I didn't go through with it. The extent of that interaction was feeling the texture of her vagina, with both my finger and my penis, but there no actual motion that went along with it, at this point there were absolutely no performance issues with my little mans downstairs.

Fast forward two more years, I met a woman who was roughly one year younger than I, we spent the next 7 months day by day with each other until January 27th, 2014 I finally lost my virginity, while I didn't know exactly what I was doing, I did enjoy the experience. In retrospect, I can see that my penis wasn't as hard as it could be, but eventually the stimulation of actually having sexual intercourse with a woman was embedded in my mind as the greatest thing ever, and it overrode the porn programming quickly, so much so that if I were to graze her buttocks with my hand, my little mans would extend fully ready to complete the task. This continued for a few years.

As with all good things, that relationship came to an end, and with that heartbreak I ran around to every female I could find to fill the void that was in my heart by copulation. Eventually that was replaced by porn, because while sex with a woman is 100/100 I could settle for 60/100 if that meant I wouldn't have to deal with heartbreak anymore. I've only had one more actual relationship during that time until now, and porn has never left my side. I found myself masturbating a few hours after sexual intercourse because it seemed as if I was never satisfied, even when I became single porn controlled my nights. I would masturbate 4-5 times a day, and continue on a few minutes after orgasm even if I was shooting blanks.

Most recently beginning last year I started to experience porn induced erectile dysfunction, however at the time I didn't know exactly what it was, I just realized I needed further stimulation from the woman to rise to the occasion, so I would typically ask for oral and I would be good to go. This went on for a while, and it see-sawed back and forth between needing further stimulation and being horny at the touch of a woman. Eventually it teetered on the needing further stimulation part, and finally it moved onto penis failure.

Penis failure, it has never exactly occurred to me before, but it was something that was extremely concerning, I've read about the effects of porn before but I simply paid no heed to it because at the time I was functional. I would like to point out that my penis only failed when it came to actual intercourse with a person and not pornography. This had me questioning my sexuality, but after deliberation with myself I realized that I was still repulsed at the thought of having sexual intercourse with a man and ruled that out.

So three months ago I began my journey of self recovery and to conquer the sin of lust, it was to the point that if my female companion touched my manhood it would not stir at all, yet I could go home and watch porn and it will be fully erected in a matter of seconds. To that end I swore off porn and quit cold turkey without any relapse, with this journey came a loss of libido for around a month and a half I did not despair because I trusted the process and eventually overcame that issue. Afterwards I would receive random erections and morning wood letting me know that It had come back from the desolate land of pornography, that I had won the battle. Now the thought of a woman is enough to rouse me yet once again. I am free from the clutch of the desire for porn, yet the war is not won, and even though my desire to masturbate has unequivocally ceased to exist, I shall remain vigilant and continue along this road of righteousness.


I wish you all success in your journeys as well, and I hope that you all find the same liberation from your desire for porn as I have.

Peace

 

Thank you kind sir, so far I have absolutely no urges, I can go on pornhub and not feel the desire to masturbate whatsoever. However I will remain vigilant.

 

No, I have no urges whatsoever. I guess in my mind I see it as the permanent denial of any sexual activity if I were to continue, in light of that, my urges died out. Right now I have no sexual desire at all, I'm sure it will return eventually.