Contemplating reaching out to a girl I ended things while we were dating

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Lazarus Shuttlesworth, Mar 29, 2020.

  1. Alright so me and let’s call her (Jane Doe) started talking online for a while before we actually met. Everything went smooth after meeting her IRL and I actually caught feelings. There were a few red flags but also a lot of insecurities from myself too which led to me ending things with her. I actually hit her with the “I think we should just be friends” and she declined saying she doesn’t do that. She said either we take things slow or become FWB but I told her there were personal reasons why I just needed space from her. And that is also true, there’s been a lot chaos in my life at that time and I couldn’t afford a girlfriend (time) my mental health wasn’t the greatest too at the time. Just a lot of stress with school, family theft, working crazy hours etc.

    It’s been exactly 3 months and 4 days but I’m starting to wanna hit up Jane Doe to see if we can reconnect. There’s a part of me that thinks this is me being selfish but I really do miss her. I have literally no experience with relationships and girls so there’s a good chance I’m making a huge mistake, hence why I’m posting. So What do you guys think?

    This is the text that I have saved in my “notes” to maybe send her.

    “Hey I know we haven’t spoken to each other In months but you’ve been on my mind a lot and I miss our interactions. If you don’t wanna talk to me, that’s completely fair, But I do miss you a lot and I have a lot I want to say to you. Would love to chat with you, if possible.”
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2020
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  2. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, I recommend you just to ask her smth like ‘hey how are you?’, just some short message or find some pretext to message her (for example some of her close relatives is an expert in smth and you really need his advice)

    Don’t tell or show her that you miss her (at least now), she won’t appreciate this (ridiculous it can sound but it is truth), also be aware that as you told her that you wanted to stay friends (so you were in power in this situation), she may try to turn this 180 around (you will try to reach for her, do stuff, beg her etc. and she will be cold), don’t let her trick you into this.

    Check out this channel https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCCgGlPGDME05HjA2nV30qhw/videos

    Good luck in any case and what’s destined to be yours will be yours, don’t worry about women too much
     
  3. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    My advice to you is to not contact her. When you broke up with her you didn´t want to be with her anymore. 3 months go by and you didn´t met another girl so you started to miss her and look back and remember the good things.. but you have to remember the bad things, the red flags and everything that led you to broke up with her. Keep looking for a better suited girl for you, don´t settle with this girl.

    If you still want to rekindle things with her.. just be direct with your intentions. Ask her out and see what happens. don´t agree on relationship labels just yet. Take your time to spend time with her and see if things "changed".

    Good luck!
     
  4. Dont talk.
     
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  5. johnmicormick

    johnmicormick Fapstronaut

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    Don’t do it, it will never be the same
     
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  6. the awakening

    the awakening Fapstronaut

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    I’m 100% with you on this one great analysis.

    this is the classical there is nothing new going for me so I m going to loock back and doubt my previous choice.

    if he didn’t want her 3 months ago why would he want her now ? Makes no sense for me.
     
    Lazarus Shuttlesworth likes this.
  7. James2James

    James2James Fapstronaut

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    This is good advice right here. And I've been in THAT spot.

    You mentioned "red flags". That itself is a RED FLAG. Don't know what the red flags are, but they can't be discounted, especially if there is an addiction involved, or moral bankruptcy or ???

    I just lost a girl I really liked a few weeks back. The pull to call/text her has been enormous, but I resist. It's for the best. I have to fight this battle 1st, and that's where all my focus lies. When things in my life are a little more clear (addiction under some sort of control - min 6 months for me), I will reassess things. I have convinced myself that having contact with the last woman in my life is a HUGE MISTAKE AT THIS POINT. And it's the absolute truth..so, much easier to convince myself.

    I would really re-think contacting her at this point. Don't act on emotion here. Use some real rational thought and re-think this.

    Good Luck! :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2020
  8. I wish I would’ve saw your guys posts before I messaged her, you guys are 100% correct. Idk if it’s the coronavirus and I just felt lonely but I should’ve never sent her that message. It was extremely selfish.. it’s been 2 days and she hasn’t responded. Hopefully she never does.. I felt really bad yesterday but it is what it is. There’s so many other women in this world, no need for me to obsessed over the past. You live and you learn. If I’m in this situation again in the future I’ll never make that mistake again.
     
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  9. the awakening

    the awakening Fapstronaut

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    Like you said you live you learn it is more easy sometimes from an outside point of view we are not prefect either but we are not involved emotionally so it is more easy to stay neutral
     
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  10. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    You dump her? if not my advice for you is to not contact her anymore, if she dump you she have to earn another chance with you so she have to contact you first and rekindle things. If 6 months go by and she didn´t contact you she doesn´t care about you and probably moved on.
    If you contact her at that point YOU are the one trying to be with her... is not her idea and she is not going to put any effort to rekindle things, don´t be her back up plan. Always be a priority, if a girl don´t treat you like that move one to the next one. There a bus comming every 15 minutes, don´t waste your time with girls that doesn´t appreciate been with you.
     
  11. I was the one that ended things while we were dating. At the time I wasn’t ready for a relationship due to working crazy hours and my mental health wasn’t the greatest tbh. When I called her and told her that she took it well and just responded back ordering a FWB situation and that’s it. She said she didn’t want to be “just friends” and I respected that. I turned down the FWB situation but 2 months later I sent out that messsge (which I regret) letting her know that I miss her and want to reconnect.
     
  12. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    I asked @James2James! jaja
     
  13. James2James

    James2James Fapstronaut

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    The girl that I had?? No, she left me, but it was very amicable and absolutely best. It's what led me to this.

    No...I haven't talked to her since. I wouldn't text or call her. I've been slightly tempted, but I know better. One thing I'm not is needy. I'm very well aware that my battle here is with porn addiction. I want to get on the right track before I start dealing with women again. I'm tired of meeting good women and then having the fear of PIED come crashing through the door. I am so done with feeling THAT WAY.

    If she texted me today and asked if we could try again, I'd say NO. I need to deal with the addiction before anything else and I need time. I'm thinking a solid 6 months or so. After that, who knows....but I'm taking this time to get myself proper. For the first time in 20 years.
     
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  14. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Good for you! good luck mate!
     
  15. Fullyawake

    Fullyawake Fapstronaut

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    Don’t feel bad or embarrassed for reaching out to her again and being ignored. Sometimes you just need to know, and now you know. You can truly move on now.
     
  16. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Hey man. This is just me talking to you, friend to friend, as a fellow believer.

    You mentioned red flags, and this should be the biggest one of all. I hope you reconsider and think again about the kind of relationship you want to have.

    Also, I hope you're doing well, pal. Haven't chatted with you in a while!
     
    Lazarus Shuttlesworth likes this.
  17. Appreciate the comment! You’re absolutely right, and I’ve stopped thinking about her and just moved on. I’m doing good btw, just staying safe as much as I can lol hope all is well with you!
    Ps it’s so nice to see your profile on here, I’m now going to watch SVU just for old time sakes lol
     
    Castielle likes this.
  18. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Lol the newest episode was aggravating, but really good!
     
  19. diece

    diece Fapstronaut

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    Some advice that has always helped me with texting girls.

    Imagine your text is displayed on one of those big t.v's they have at stadiums and everyone saw it.

    Would you feel embarrassed? Weak? Like a pussy?

    If so, then don't send that text.
     
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