I am very sad with myself now, I am not demonstrating on the outside but I am at the same time disappointed with myself. I've been at NoFap for almost a year now, I registered here on October 22, 2018, that year I was a rubbish in life, completely desperate for a better life, and so at that time I was at the same time addicted to self-improvement I sincerely think that self-improvement has saved my life (forgive me if the term is wrong ... Google translator :/ ). That year I was in the ninth grade of elementary school. And ... My life was rubbish, toxic friends in which 2 of them fought with me and another practiced bullying. My family did not understand anything and just demand me study, until today, and when I explain to them about my past situation they say it is "freshness" and for me to react and things like, continuing ... I was lonely (no friends and mine were toxic), artificially emotionally filled (addicted to biting nails, video games, pornography and others ...), not leaving home and not playing sports. And these last 2 chase my person to this day. It turns out that towards the end of 2018 I changed a little due to my constant search for change, I must say it was good but not complete, it was like remedy the pain, but the medicine causes dependence, I realized that these videos help in the beginning but I am the one who should act, not the author of the video that lives a state away from me. Well, I learned about focus, productivity, gratitude, self-care, self-esteem, responsibility, etc. But it seems that everything was like a remedy in my eyes, it's very good at the moment but I didn't do anything, I keep procrastinating to this day, my self-esteem is low and I consider myself ugly, I'm not responsible, I deliver late works for school, I'm not grateful and feel unable to feel it and don't take care of myself the way I should. Well, 2019 comes and it SEEMS ... to be all normal. But it's not. I just remedied my problems by presenting the solution to them, it's all in front of me but I can't act, it's like it's necessary to move a planet simply to study ... That feeling of difficulty, weight on my back and so on, has just been remedied, it's still up here in my head, the thoughts of my mind pop up and say I'm not pretty, and I agree. I keep failing in school work, and exams ... I keep procrastinating, I'm still lonely, my friends are not the best in the world but recently I returned to a whatsapp group whose toxic friends were there, all of them ... The end of 2019 is coming, and I feel everything is coming back, as if I had simply been anesthetized. EVERYTHING IS HERE: Jobs, tests, responsibilities, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, nail biting addiction, video games, social networks, ALL. I simply acquired some resistance to social networking and nail biting addiction, otherwise it's all rubbish, even my porn addiction, whose maximum days without PMO was a mere number called 6, in 1 year I only got 6 days ... What a terrible progress, I think every night I relapse. Seriously, I've done a lot for myself and yet it's not enough, adulthood will be worse, they say ... And they also say that being a teenager is the best phase of life, I ask: IS IT THE BEST ??? It makes you want to die with these stupid comments ... Basically that's it, an outburst of my life whose course is failing in school and a lousy life full of addictions. I really want to change but I can't ... Please help me, i know everyone can be surprised because i'm always help everyone here, saying things like "good luck", "i believe in you", "you will win", etc. And it's true, i believe in all of you, but, seeing to myself, and all my problems and life, i can't say the same, i don't believe on myself, and luck doens't exist to me.