Coping with Loneliness

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by CarlosRay, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    I have never really been in a relationship. I desire female companionship, but I have not found an individual who shares a mutual desire; for me, anyways. After a multitude of pursuits, and some pretty strong rejection, I find myself at the end of a celibate rope (yes, that is line from Busta Move). The reason for this thread is, sometimes I find it hard to cope with my singleness. I have many friends, but friends don't relieve that feeling in the pit of your stomach. That internal longing for a significant other. All of that being said, how do you cope?
     
  2. taqwa

    taqwa Fapstronaut

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    Go to places where people go that share your interests (church, fitness club, school, library, etc.). Your job is to make the effort. With time, you will find that right one. Don't rush it. Everything will occur in its perfect due time. You seem like a smart guy. There is no way that the girl of your dreams is not out there. I wish you success. Stay strong.
     
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  3. nfprogress

    nfprogress Fapstronaut

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    One option is to change your word choice. Coping to me feels more like adapting and accepting things as the way they are. If you change coping to reacting, you can fundamentally change your life situation. React and you gain a measure of control that you don't have right now. In short, I'd make an action plan to get out of your current status rather than just cope. Practice it deliberately just like you might practice to improve a golf game. You may fail initially, but what better way to learn than to put yourself out there and try different possible solutions.

    You may want to dig into the patterns you find in your past pursuits and understand why they failed (same as the need to understand why a person might relapse). You could be setting an unrealistic target and find yourself always pursuing. Another tactic is to look for signs of initial interest from females that you meet and don't engage until you notice some fairly obvious signs of interest. I use a similar technique with online dating and have had good success. It is amazing how much better your odds look when the girl you are meeting for coffee was the first to message you! Changes the game of chance.
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2015
    PotentLife likes this.
  4. it gets old after a while, how do I cope? I will have to think about that. now that I am done with p subs. and not even any lady friends, not even just friend type situations, I know how your feeling, it is no fun, I don't think there is any coping for me, being on NoFap is how I cope.
     
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  5. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, man. I guess waiting is just hard, even if it is the best course of action.
     
  6. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    I use cope simply because it is the situation I currently find myself in. I understand why another word choice might be preferable. Thanks for the advice! I will try to employ it in the future. Maybe I have set a trend for myself, and thus set myself up to fail.
     
  7. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    It isn't great, is it? It certainly helps to be here. It is a great community. I hope none of us here take it for granted.
     
  8. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    I don't cope. I relish in it.
    I'm desperately searching to be alone with my thoughts after a busy day at the office where co-workers talk crap or ask me inane questions.
     
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  9. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    Seems like you are content where you are at. That is good. Some people handle loneliness better than others. Some days I would give anything to be alone with my thoughts, but some days it hits me like a sack of bricks.
     
  10. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    It depends whether you perceive loneliness as a fulfillment or as a fault.
    I don't believe in loneliness, I believe in being alone.
    And often, it is by my own choosing.

    Sometimes, I even run from myself and start chatting people up.
    It comes naturally when you're out there, in the open.
    But also, after you reach a certain age only a distinct breed of people get you out of your shell.
    The ones that don't judge. For example.
     
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  11. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    I use loneliness as the term to describe the feeling in the pit of my stomach, not as a state of being. I am not a lonely person, but I do, on occasion, get the feeling of loneliness. Sometimes I am able to remedy it with hanging out with friends, or just talking, but sometimes it just sits, and cannot be helped; at least, not by the methods I employ.
     
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  12. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    You sound Stoic.
    Good.

    That means you're on the right path.
     
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