Could porn have contributed to this shift in my personality?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by OhWhenThe, Aug 1, 2020.

  1. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Bit of background - 30M and the sad truth is I have no friends, no love life and I hardly leave the house except for work(which is also socially isolated), food or going for a run. I've not even spoken to someone of a similar age as myself in an informal setting for like 10 years and I'm not even joking. If anyone's as much of a social recluse as I am then I'd like to meet them(haha).

    Things weren't always like this though. I often read of people having a tough childhood, no friends, being bullied etc which makes me feel bad but none of this was true in my case.

    In fact, from say the age of 7 to 17 I had many friends, a GF(albeit more in name only as I was too scared to take things further), other female friends and so on. I was hardly ever at home which is a stark contrast to where I've found myself since. A typical day for me would be school, come home, get changed, go out, home for dinner, back out and home just in time for bed. If my friends weren't around or for some reason or I couldn't go out I would hate it, not that I was necessarily needy but I was much happier when around them. If all else failed then I would simply go to the park and find people there to hang out with. Whilst I was by no means the most popular kid on the block, I was doing just fine and life was good.

    Around 17 or 18 though things changed and they haven't gotten any better, actually they've just continued to get worse. Coincidentally(?) it was around this time that I started to watch porn, I had seen the odd bit before this when friends had shown me but it didn't really interest me all that much, tbh at that time I was far too fascinated by the real life girls in my school to bother with it.

    At that point my personality began to change and it's taken me all this time to even realise it. I didn't enjoy going out anymore. Instead of going out every day it became every other day, then twice a week, once a week, once a fortnight and so on until I just never went out again and friends no longer even bothered to ask me. I would just find it boring and a complete chore, it simply just seemed like a lot of effort for not much reward. It's not like while I was with them I was thinking to myself how I'd rather be at home watching porn but maybe the porn caused these things to no longer appeal to me.

    I also began to become extremely self-conscious about my appearance even though I had attractive girls interested in me, all I could see were flaws. I started to hate myself and this snowballed to the point where I would hide away when family came to visit. I did have some ongoing health problems during my 20s which definitely didn't help matters but I was already well on my way to hermitville.

    I'm not really sure why I'm posting all of this but maybe someone out there can relate. Perhaps porn actually had nothing to do with it and this is just happens to some people for no reason.
     
  2. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    Hey man addiction is a son of a bitch. I'd bet $1000 against a penny that it had something to do with it at the very least. But especially since you're aware of it now, you can start heading down the road back.
     
  3. NF SINCE BIRTH

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

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    You should really give Nofap a proper try. PMO does this to you. It zaps you of energy and motivation. Read some success stories. The effects are real.
     
    Bethelightinmyheart likes this.
  4. Drambuie

    Drambuie Fapstronaut

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    i can relate when you said its like a chore to go out. It takes a lot of motivation to do so. I was gonna go out to my usual night spot last night which is open now and only to 9pm but i just couldnt find the energy to take a quick shower dress good shave do my hair nice and leave. I just stayed in and watched a movie until i was ready for bed
     
  5. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    I did 60+ days earlier this year but haven't managed to get back there again since, I really wish I wouldn't have relapsed but my libido came back and I caved. Now I just keep relapsing at around the two week mark. I start off feeling determined and imagining what my life could be like - going out, making friends, meeting women etc but then I guess the addicted part of my brain kicks in and says "come on bro, you know that's never going to happen, you're just going to be miserable and lonely but without the occasional high of porn to look forward to".

    I haven't read too many success stories of guys in a similar position to me but maybe I just haven't seen them, even if I do see them there's still a big part of me that thinks it won't happen in my case. I will keep trying but it feels like my resolve gets eaten away just that little bit more with every relapse, I can't even remember how the hell I made it to two months last time.
     
  6. Bethelightinmyheart

    Bethelightinmyheart Fapstronaut

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    I feel you with the becoming extremely self-conscious about appearance..my friends tell me constantly I am a 7-8 lookswise however, trying and failing hard at Onlinedating and the unfiltered hypergamy that rules that harsh venue, a Colloseum of social darwinism really, made me lose that core belief that I am hot and good enough and especially made me to comfortable and lazy and self-absorbed/self-conscious to even approach women. This bugs me big time!
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  7. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    porn contributes but is not the root cause of the issue. the root cause of the issue is something from the inside that prevents you from living a normal life, like you once did. you have to think deep, it could be that maybe your gf broke your heart or that you didn't like your friends anymore. i know for a fact PMO will amplify the depression, but its not the cause of it by any means.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  8. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Nah, no heartbreak. Tbh I was more into the fact that she really liked me rather than me especially liking her, we parted ways, no big drama.

    It wasn't so much that I didn't like my friends anymore either, I just preferred being alone more and more even though I'd always been the total opposite before then. Over time I just didn't feel any joy or enthusiasm for anything, I don't think I'm lazy, I will do things begrudgingly but that inner drive has all but disappeared. Just as a random example but when the lockdown started to ease here in the UK I saw on the news people were queuing half way down the street just to get back into the shops and I just can't see where anyone gets the enthusiasm to do something like that, I'd struggle to muster up the motivation to do that even if they were giving away free Lamborghinis.

    Also whilst I'd say I currently feel depressed, I don't think I have depression exactly, that probably doesn't make sense but I feel the depression I do have is surface level and could change quickly if something positive were to happen in my life. I remember a couple of months ago I noticed a cute girl was checking me out and for the rest of the day I felt great but then I go home with nothing to look forward to and start feeling low again ... which then leads to the whole watching porn to [temporarily] feel better cycle.
     
  9. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    Porn was definitely a contributing factor but you cannot blame it for everything. I think you should blame yourself and the detach from the negative emotions that come with it. Dissect what you learn and move on.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  10. Wordinhaler

    Wordinhaler Fapstronaut

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    I can relate so much to your story wow.
     
    OhWhenThe and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  11. NF SINCE BIRTH

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

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    You know, thats exactly my story as well. I made it 90 days more than once. 105 days even. Dont give up. If what you do now isnt working, then try a different approach. During my best streaks I did a bunch of things different.

    I need people around me. Having a social and busy life helped me staying on track. Going to school, working out, having friends and crushes, cold showers and meditation. Also reading a ton of success stories. I also participated in a online 12-step program with daily tasks.

    You just need to do some proper research. Figure out what tools you need to succeed.

    Some keywords:

    - commitment

    - Peer pressure

    - Stay busy

    - Dont focus on fighting the old but on building the new

    - Read success stories

    - Write a list of reasons to stay clean

    My list of tools is quite short for now but it will for sure get longer soon.
     
  12. The porn tends to dull guys.

    When I did my first reboot, after I got through the withdrawls,

    I really came alive.

    I felt vibrant, unafraid, energetic, crazy.

    It was a rush.

    I'd spent a ton of years as isolated as you describe.

    Most people as adults are mostly isolated.

    Porn makes it worse, but also there is more isolation

    as adults than during school.

    There is nothing wrong with isolation, some prefer it.

    I hated it after my divorce, but the more I socialized,

    the more it seemed like people only wanted to talk about money.

    They wanted to know what I had, or had an indirect way of trying to

    find out if they could get money from me.

    The more I heard the money talk, the more I got jaded.

    Finally, I ditched the lot.

    Then I suffered again in loneliness.

    But I started to figure that if I was on my own for a while,

    I'd probably get used to it.

    And in this reboot, I have.

    I'm isolated, but not "lonely".

    In this reboot, with the pandemic fear, I learned to be ok with just being me.

    I don't need anybody to affirm that.

    If "me" is not good enough for "me", that's when I get lonely.

    Loneliness is a symptom of a self-esteem issue.
     

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