Counters Are BAD

Counters are not Bad, they are just a tool. If you dont want to use one dont.

I think the truth is that when people fail, they feel bad about themselves and dont want to look at the truth. So they blame the counter. But its not the counter's fault someone feels bad after a slip, its the slip and porn that makes people feel bad. Then when you have to reset the counter it pushes it in your face even more and really registers the fact that you failed again... but facing reality and the ugly truth is hard and does not feel good. Walking through bad feelings and not using porn or blocking out negative feelings is part of recovery. The counter did not make anyone use porn. It just really brings home the truth and rubs it in your face a bit. But the honest truth that porn own's you, is in charge of your life, beat you again, is the real truth and what is bad. Not the counter.

 

I had the same grievances. I just have a date now and plan on reporting relapses only. I feel less anxious without a counter.
That being said, if counters work for people, that's fine too

 

I do think there's some truth in the fact that a lot of people look at their counter, live by their counter, and rely on their counter to dictate how "rehabilitated" they think they should be. Sometimes when they reach a certain milestone on their counter (30 days, 90, etc.), they expect the journey to be easier and are caught off guard when they still have urges. I've often seen people relapse during these times.

The more important strategy is to change your lifestyle. Like you said, if you say "I'm done with porn" rather than "I can't believe I've made it "XX" days without porn!", I think you're already in a much better mindset.

 

Good post.

 

I just checked my day count.. im on day 69, no pun intended.. but that gives me just 21 days to reach my 90day goal...

I marked my calender with an alarm to go off at 90days.. so i feel really good now, as im no longer counting days, im counting down days!. Seems like im sliding into home plate and much more managable now.

 

Overall I agree.
For me, early on, the counter did help.
I haven't full blown PMO'd since sometime in December 2015.
Since then I mark on a calendar the days I MO. I'm trying to eliminate that all together so I'm back.
But I think marking progress/failures (as opposed to a strict streak) makes it easier to get back on streaks. If the focus is an unbroken streak and a relapse happens it's tougher to back on track. They relapse, reset, then look at a counter that says 1 or 2 days and relapse again. Then push off the reset another day so they can splurge "one last time" and push recovery to a tomorrow that may never come.
It's easier and more motivating (for me at least) to look at a calendar and say wow I've only MO'd once in the past 30 days. If you're only using a calendar that exact same person could say I'm only on day 4 and be discouraged into relapse.

 

We are building a new way of living for ourselves, not trying to break a record for number of consecutive days clean.

 

Just start a countdown. Boom. Problem solved.

/thread.