Counting the days - is ok or not?

When we start counting days there can be 2 dimentions of thinking.... Atleast based on my observations.
1. Guys start to doubt whether they ACTUALLY have to count days. These guys think very optimistic and they will head to two parts.
They either succeed in rebooting because they start to find porn unintresting or they will relapse again and again having that optimistic note that they are not going to relapse.
( People under this group my fall into depression due to constant failure)
2. These people count days and they also head in two direction. One might fail relapsing and the other might succeed. The main reason for success is that they reminded themself of the progress that they are making which also motivates them to do more.
I believe in counting days because once I tried to be optimistic to never come back to porn but failed. Maybe I lost motivation. Counting days constantly reminds us not to fap and be satisfied with the benifits.
I may not make sense so please correct me if I am wrong!!!!
Cheers!!

 

Nothing is wrong with counting days in my opinion. Just don't obsess over it. I aim to live a normal life and not be thinking about my addiction unless i need to e.g. Like I encounter a trigger. So i am vigilant when I encounter situations which could negatively impact my recovery. Outside of that I visit the Forums occasionally to just chat and post. So my counter is on NoFap.

 

You are right @Deysonn .Obsessing over counting kinda makes u mad. It is no worth doing a reboot then. This shows that u are abstaining only to get that numbers increasing and not work on yourself!!
Cheers

 

It depends on how you look at it. I do think there is merit to initially counting days as it helps cement that you've laid foundation, thus making it that much harder to justify relapsing, imo. But that can also be a bane, because if you get super weak and fall then all those days will haunt you. Every day you abstain is a day of healing and rewiring your brain, which weakens synapses linked to thoughts of PMO. I think that counting at least for the initial 3 month challenge is very helpful, then after that it's all about staying vigilant.

 

The numbers are good, but focus on living and improving yourself. The number of days free should be an after thought. Most of us who are PMO addicts have lots of other areas we need to improve in life. Focus on that also. Kicking PMO is only part of the Journey. Make being PMO free the norm! Not counting your days.

 

Why are you counting or not counting?

I'll come back to this but I don't think it's about okay or not okay, it's about understanding why and then working with those reasons.

 

Ya I think it really depends and everyone just has to figure out what works best for them. I haven't figured out the best way for me yet. I know sometimes looking at days, especially when you're doing pretty decent, can sometimes make you overconfident. I try to be really careful about that. As the Bible says, pride comes before a fall. I keep track of my numbers but don't pay close attention to them. I definitely set goals and keep an eye on it though, I think every person is just different.

 

Okay, many may know that people trying to lose weight weigh themselves at different intervals, some will do it everyday, others once a week or whatever.

Lets be clear about something: How much you weigh has a good chance of measuring how much fat you have lost, at least some of that may be fat, but how many days have gone by, by itself doesn't tell you how much you have rewired. Which one of us have a fMRI machine? Even if they did that kind of study with it can they zoom in and show hey, here was your porn circuitry and now it's gone or it's different? This ain't sci-fi like Altered Carbon where you can just download into a meat sleeve or something, we are limited in what we can do.

The same number of days are more important when you are just getting started, or if you just relapsed. We know it's tempting to binge and there's that kind of gravitational pull, so maybe like say a week - those FIRST 7 days are more important than the second or third week - but you don't hear people making that kind of distinctions with counting days.

But that doesn't mean that this simple time measurement of abstinence is useless. To me I think it really has to do with good sleep all things considered. Nobody can deliberately go in their brain and rewire it, but the brain does it by itself and we know a lot of that process happens at night when you sleep with your subconscious, memory and so forth. If anything your streak means less if you have screwed up sleep, and another person who has the same number of days but good sleep is more likely to have gotten more of their brain rewired on some level.

All of this means you want to understand how it works, so in this example you'd count both days PMO free and days where you have solid sleep, essentially one streak where the two criteria are both met would be the gold standard. Of course while you're at it you could work on the rest of your day since there are things that help you sleep better at night.

Even if someone only PMOs once and goes to bed they probably feel like crap anyway, but we know a lot of times people do end up edging for hours and get into a cycle of binging - which cuts into their sleep at night too.

 

From my limited experience its not a good idea to dwell on days eg... "Wow I'm on day 5 I'm doing so well" or " tomorrow will be day 12 if only I can make it"

But at the same time it is nice to look back and be proud of where you are. Its a tricky one.