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Couples Counselling...any tips?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Salt & Light, Sep 9, 2019.

  1. Salt & Light

    Salt & Light Fapstronaut

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    Hi all,

    I decided to get some counselling to help me process and work through my feelings in regard to my BFs PMO/P viewing addiction.

    So, I went to doc and was referred to a practice of sorts. They have contacted me to suggest my BF accompanies me as there's Couples Counselling available - and of course they're aware of his P addiction.

    So, what's good to look out for? I've heard some people say Counselling can sometimes make the situation worse. What is bad? What is good? Does anyone out there have any experience with this? What to expect, i.e questions?

    I was considering a trial separation - but a family member suggested we try the counselling together first, just in case the trial separation has a negative impact on my BF and his addiction. His addiction's really taking it's tole, rock bottom low self-esteem and depression! He's like a zombie and I believe he needs psychiatric help.

    He obviously needs to decided whether he will accompany me, but either way I'm going as I need help too - please, any advice out there?
    Thanks for taking the time to read, S&L
     
    Lilla_My likes this.
  2. I'm a fan of counseling--one tool in a big tool box that can help in transforming life. I've found the key is the "counselor"--that you feel comfortable, they listen, you work collaboratively on setting treatment goals, you feel safe and hope-infused by them. Personally, I also believe in trying to find a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) too---people who are trained in this particular area. You can google it....or go to the IITAP website and do a search by location even. Bottom line, congrats on your courage to seek counseling and to be asking these type of questions.
     
    Salt & Light likes this.
  3. I agree with this. Most of the instances I know of where counseling made things worse, it was because the counselor/therapist was not specifically trained in SA/PA.
     
    Salt & Light and EyesWideOpen like this.
  4. Salt & Light

    Salt & Light Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for the information!
     
  5. MisterDirection

    MisterDirection Fapstronaut

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    Just understand they are not supernatural beings.

    Ours is just a run of the mill therapist. We have no csat even close

    We told her our problems beliefs what we wanted out of it.....ie underlying causes and communication tools.

    We have made great strides. Yes there are somethi gs we scratch our heads about bit we use our brains to figure out what works and what doesnt.

    We were comfortable working mostly on the communication stuff because that's our main hang up. Alk the rest if it is really just symptoms....yes horrible ones that we are dealing with.

    If you want a professional to fix your BT and his PA/SA then you better find a CSAT. But there is a good bit of resources out there to arm yourselves with and educate each other with . I am dedicated to my recovery even of that means my wife doesnt choose to stay with me so she is starting to trust and see that I am working. If either of you is not showing those signs. Maybe a CSAT is the only way so that they can detail the denial and addiction problems first. I had wonderful help in that my wife researched like a Nobel prize winner.
     
    Salt & Light likes this.
  6. Salt & Light

    Salt & Light Fapstronaut

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    Great strides sounds good! Communication is one of our issues too and fending off the Four Horseman. I will certainly look into CSAT.
    Thank you, it's for relationship counselling and sex therapy. It's classed as Psychosexual Therapy - which is what I was referred to when I asked for help with depression in relation to my partners P addiction. It's a great start and more than I expected, they encouraged us both to attend as they will need to work with my BF too for the best results. Fingers crossed! I'm not sure how much awareness they have of addiction, but it's an increasing issue so I'm hoping they have some experience.
    Thanks again for the advice, I'm glad your therapy is beneficial for you both! Nice day count :) S&L
     

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