Crashed and burning

Yes, I even dabbled in looking at those Craigslist ads just last night and am paying for it today with painful fantasy, groin pain, shakiness. It's nothing but shit's creek to go back to that existence. A Nofap buddy warned me that these P substitutes can be even more dangerous than P, and recovery is not ultimately sustainable the more we tease ourselves with these temptations. So, I am setting a new focus against P subs as well as P now. My temptations keep changing and evolving as the old ones are no longer effective. The inner addict is always scheming new ways to get me to fail. Hence, it is good that you point the finger at it, bring it into the light, call it by name for what it is, and don't let it lurk in your mind like an undiscovered demon.

Keep up the good fight.

 

Great that you are open and honest with us at least.

Maybe the distance between you and your wife is making you close off and get defensive. Making you lie without thinking, a defend mechanism perhaps?

If you've had a marriage full of lies for a long time it could be like a knee jerk reaction to any question she throws at you.

Maybe if you do something you shouldn't of done just go and tell your wife what you did. Being honest without being asked to be might be a good place to start. That way you will be consciously deciding to tell the truth.

I felt like I had ruined a life once and I've also felt like someone had ruined my life. The truth is that person didn't ruin my life, I just let myself think they did. Personal happiness is a personal responsibility. I also realise I didn't ruin that persons life. They will at some point move on too and realise that that their happiness is their responsibility.

I'm only 21 and haven't been married so sorry for trying to respond where perhaps I shouldn't but thought I would throw my thoughts out there.