Craving intimacy

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by flexy, Nov 17, 2021.

  1. flexy

    flexy Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys ever since I have been doing NoFap on and off, I have been craving intimacy so much that it's making me depressed; there's this girl that I'm obsessed with she was my classmate in high school and now we are in the same college.

    Not a day passes by where I don't think about sleeping with her and just cuddling, not even having sex, I just want a girl to share a bed with. I'm pretty sure she used to like me in high school because we would talk a lot but nowadays she won't start the conversation, I'm always the one starting up the conversation and talking to her which is making me feel desperate and like shit, because I'm starting to feel like she has a boyfriend.

    I just want to stop thinking about her altogether but every time I see her I get more attracted to her, everything about her makes me happy but I'm starting to think she is no longer interested in me which makes me feel like shit.
     
  2. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

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    I feel you man. I have a sort of similar situation and the feeling sucks. Liking someone and having to doubt if she likes me back. Hopefully you can stay strong, I have noticed as well that during nofap emotions tend to be a lot more intense when one can not numb them by pmo.

    Doing something helps, or meditating on why you are feeling what you are. Still, I know that these tips will not solve it from my own experience. But feeling hopeless is not good either. I will try to do my best and focus on me, since during these feeling bad situations I might relapse more and become lazy and unproductive, which is something that in my situation is not an option. I am a student in uni as well and I am living alone so there is plenty of essential tasks to be done daily as well as working out etc.

    I do not know if any of this helped, but I am in the same boat as you. One day we will find our way to the shore.
     
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  3. SuperBaowi

    SuperBaowi Fapstronaut

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    Very familiar with this. The way I see it, you have absolutely nothing to lose: expose your feelings to her! If she's into you then good for you. If not so you'll have a solid reason to stop thinking about her (it will take some time of course but it will happen sooner or later trust me). You'll also feel relieved from keeping those thoughts inside. Rejection or keeping it to yourself will lead to the same result.
     
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  4. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

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    Goodness, yes.

    Agree wholeheartedly. Confront her on it. You can ask her out or simply ask if she's no longer interested in you. She may simply be tired of waiting for you to make a move. You never know unless you ask. And if she rejects you, move on to some other gals. Agree with SuperBaowi, though. Easier said than done. Unrequited love blows and may take you a while to recover from. Good god, it sucks. But knowing where she's at will help you gain closure and move on. The wondering is probably what's the most draining for you, amiright?
     
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  5. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Ask her on a date. If she says yes, then you are one step closer to achieving your dream. If she says no, then cut contact forever, and you can truly move on.
     
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  6. koolpal

    koolpal Fapstronaut

    Yeah. Good advice above. Just be yourself and be honest with her. Something simple like telling her you’ve known her since high school, and think she’s pretty cool, and ask her if she’s ok with the both of you to get to know each other more and go on a date.

    Also, reveal your feelings gradually… not all the first time you ask her out on a date… that would sound like you’re obsessed about her (some girls like being obsessed over, but just wait until you’re bf/gf. Coz a bit too early is a bit creepy)

    But, yeah this exposes you to rejection, but it’s ok. It will help you to move on, and build your confidence, resilience, and develop a thicker skin.

    College is a good time to meet girls. They are more available and they’re in a safer environment where they can be more open and willing to date. There are more public places to meet, etc.

    After college, it’s hit or miss, and usually work is full of dudes and married women. So make the most of your college days and meet more girls… starting with this girl. You can do it!
     
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  7. Mr.Tony

    Mr.Tony Fapstronaut

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    Bro, Honestly - You should give lessons on dating - You could've saved me a lots of years if I knew this exact method on how to have a Girlfriend.
     
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  8. koolpal

    koolpal Fapstronaut

    Thanks bro. I appreciate the compliment. Hope to help out here.
     
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  9. I've had these thoughts, I've felt these feelings, and I've come to see them as a waste of time. Furthermore, or perhaps more to the point, women find guys that think this way disgusting. You are to her what the fat girl is to you. The central problem is that you have made your happiness depend on her. You have made her the center of your world. Women hate that. They are looking for men who don't need them. They are looking for men who have more control over their desires than they do. She wants the pins and needles and the butterflies in her stomach. You aren't doing the things that make her feel that way. You aren't ready for a relationship because you don't have anything to offer other than your own personal need. You don't have a life you are living that she wants to be part of. If that were not true you would not be here posting about it. The only way you can change this is to really get busy building the life that you want to live. Personally, socially, professionally, etc... you must make yourself your point of origin. If you are religious then you've got god or whatever as your compass, but you must steer your ship. Become part of the social world on your campus. Go to events. Exercise. Stay on top of your class work. Make new friends. Learn a skill. You don't do these things in hopes that she will finally notice you. You do these things because your happiness is sufficiently important to you to cultivate it independently of her or any other. This is the medicine that @HitB rejects. This is the redpill.
     
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  10. Mr.Tony

    Mr.Tony Fapstronaut

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    I like your Post! - I want to have a future discussion with you.

    @she-dernatinus - Here a person who has the same philosophy as mine based on Red Pill. This Red Pill has nothing to do with any other type of Red Pill, The Red Pill of ours is bases on self development and success.
     
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  11. Mr.Tony

    Mr.Tony Fapstronaut

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    I like your Post! - I want to have a future discussion with you.

    @she-dernatinus - Here a person who has the same philosophy as mine based on Red Pill. This Red Pill has nothing to do with any other type of Red Pill, The Red Pill of ours is bases on self development and success.
     
    flexy likes this.
  12. DiegoSR

    DiegoSR Fapstronaut

    When i was infatuated by a friend of mine, i was stuck on her just like you. I've been rejected multiple times and then i became obsessed.
    It may sound weird... i took a paper sheet and draw a line dividing it in two parts.

    Left, "things i like about her", right "things i don't like about her".

    Well... the left part was full of sh*t, the most "valuable" were her titties and her booty. The right part blew my mind. Why i was so attracted?
    Why the first thought in the morning was that girl, despite the incompatibility?
    I was lonely, craving intimacy

    Maybe this is not your situation, just make sure you are not making my mistake

    cheers
     
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  13. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

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    [​IMG]
     
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  14. flexy

    flexy Fapstronaut

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    You are right, it's just that I forget about her for a while but then I, see her around campus and I get back to being obsessed with her trying to talk to her. I hate being attached to something because like the buddha said attachment is the root of all suffering.. but I just can't bring myself not to think about her.. it's getting really pathetic for me because I was never this obsessed with a girl.

    I saw her again today I was about to ignore her but something told me to talk to her and it made me happy even though she didn't initiate the conversation and I always end up initiating the conversation which ends up making me feel desperate..
     
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  15. Part of the issue is the inexperience that comes with youth. Just make sure you are really getting after your own life and your own desires. She is not the center of your universe. Your ability to build monetary wealth, physical strength, and personal character is your focal point. Don't confuse non-attachment with denial of desire. When you are ready to let her go you will.
     
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