Creating a situation we can work with?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by bama_lost, Dec 23, 2020.

  1. bama_lost

    bama_lost Fapstronaut

    I'm very fresh in this attempt to rectify my PMO addiction. I have some confidence this time around as I feel the approach is different. Heal myself while my wife concentrates on her own healing related to betrayal trauma.

    The problem is we can barely function together. Seemingly tiny things pushing each of us over the edge. We're not understanding each other when we try to explain ourselves.

    As I had trouble falling asleep last night, I looked at some notes she was writing from what she was studying. (Out in the open. I wasn't prying for it.) I think she needs a complete, and full disclosure from me, and I decided I'm prepared to give her that. But again, I'm so fresh in this current process, and she's very hard pressed to tell me what she needs.

    But I'm considering this because I really just need her to be in a place where she can at least hear me when I have something to tell her.
  2. Peter.Parker10

    Peter.Parker10 Fapstronaut

    Going hard mode is a good option. It will be a break for you and your wife. You'll learn to master your libido, you'll be more in control over your cravings, and you can focus on really building your relationship and connecting with your wife as you take sex out of the picture.
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  3. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

    A reboot is fine.

    But if you can't have a conversation without arguing, it needs to be a lot more than logging off porn. It needs to be about communication and honesty and working from the inside out.
  4. bama_lost

    bama_lost Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the comments, guys. We did manage to exchange some thoughts with one another better after I wrote this. My concern was - and still is to a degree - us not being able to function as a couple just in the daily basics of life, because we are both so focused on our individual healing. I can't say we've flushed out a solution exactly, but we're better for the time being. And hopefully have learned something valuable.

    @Trobone There's no question that honesty is the key for me to help us. I've been so bad for so long about trickle truths... I guess because of the shame of the depth of my affliction. I told her I'm open to telling her everything and anything she needs. I think we'll know when we're both *really ready to have that hard talk.

    @Peter.Parker10 For better or worse or somewhere in between, I'll likely face this challenge in Hard Mode, anyway. As the problems I've created and the distrust I've created have created a complete void of intimacy. I keep the door open in my own challenge as I would really welcome an opportunity to bring that back into our relationship. In my mind - at least right now - that's not a driving force of my reboot/recovery. If I see that bridge down the road through my reboot, I'll just have to decide if and how carefully I want to cross it.
    Peter.Parker10 likes this.

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