Moments of clarity when you really dig deep and start to dissect what you REALLY had . SLIGHT TRIGGER ? Let’s talk about sex baby , let’s talk about you and me , let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things let’s talk about sexxxx . Of late , reminiscent of old days when deep in it . Robotic , routine , kinda boring , like his chore . Once a week on the wknd on his day off in the morning , no kissing or passion . Just became sex . I physically did all the work . Me on top . Once in awhile he would actually thrust . Wtf . Why did I let this continue. Was he even there ?? I just reread my journal from 16’ to today . Holy fucking shit . I was a MESS internally. What was I doing ?? So many sex issues with it . There was ZERO desire for me for a long time . I think when I get sad I need to re read it . We were not connected since DDAY 16’ really other than Aug-Dec . Sure there were these REALLY great connections but riddled with questions and inconsistencies, DE , PE , , ED . We’d have an AMAZING passionate intimate moment which would get my hopes up that it would happen more . And then NOTHING . I know I KNEW it . I began questioning myself . Listening to Intimate Deception. It’s empowering actually.