Crooked Crown and I’m ok With It :)

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Queenie%Bee, Sep 24, 2018.

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  1. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    Sex in my marriage was pretty much always disappointing too-like the proverbial frog in the pot of boiling water, I too didn't notice how bad it got until it was suffocatingly obvious (2 years with no sex obvious). For me, I held on so tightly to who my husband was when we married, that I refused to believe that he became who he did. It's really inhumane. Porn robs a woman of being desired-it robs us of our femininity and our sensuality until we basically become blow up dolls for a man to use while he fantasizes about someone else. It's insanity.
     
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  2. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    I gotta buy me that book. I read a sample part of it and it sounds really good. QnB you sound like you are really in touch with your feelings and emotions. I’ll get there, I’m all over the map. (Still) I understand completely about feeling lonely in the company of others. I get it.
    Hang in there girl...we will survive and thrive...
     
  3. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I think the “ good place “ is because I’m not home . I fear the losing of ones shit if I have to see him every day pretending to be unaffected. I fear a verbal meanness from me or a vengeful heart . I usually don’t play with either . But these are unusual circumstances.
     
  4. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    MY DREAM LAST NIGHT

    I woke up crying . In my dream I had his car detailed as a surprise but cleaned it out first . I first found a Polaroid camera then what looked like an iPad . In my dream I checked the memory on the camera and it was old pictures of our kids and my dad ( passed ) .
    The iPad wound up being this big weird calculator.
    So I’m guessing my dream was more about interpreting that in the past I always gave him trust and benefit of the doubt , and the Polaroid are things I’m losing. I have no idea but it fucked me up . So much adrenaline
     
  5. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Good morning sometimes the loosing of ones shit isn’t a bad thing! Yes it is definitely hard to watch them carry on unaffected, while we feel we are being torn apart. Ya I don’t know it’s a weird dynamic and addiction.
    Your dream....
    Maybe the detailing of the car symbolizes, seeing all the details of him. Finding things out.
    The camera records the history and history it was that you saw.
    The IPad calculator...maybe symbolizes, the calculation of dates and moving forward!
    Just A Guess
     
  6. Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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    Boy I am in those shoes, Would happen more then nothing but disconnected boring sex. If we were not facing ED
     
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  7. Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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    Yes I have felt like a blow up doll........masturbation substitute bang me and get it over with.
     
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  8. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    It's so insulting and hurtful :/
     
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  9. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I was “ banging “ him lol
    Little to no effort on his part
     
  10. Susannah

    Susannah Fapstronaut

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    Haha. People complain about boring old missionary position. For us, it's a gold star day on the calender...

    @GhostWriter used to say PAs are a lousy lay. Is that what I hear y'all saying?
     
  11. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Great interpretation!!
     
  12. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I HAVE TO PUT THIS IN MY JOURNAL!!!
    1. I just got a call from his sister .
      He called her and said it “ I have a porn addiction , it happened before and it came back recently “

      They had along conversation, she told him she was going to reach out to me .
      She told him he need to take the boys out and him to tell HIS story , as their father .

      We had a good conversation, as my SIL she isn’t judging anything . Her husband is an alcoholic, sober 5 years did all the work .

      She asked what I was thinking .
      I said I was happy for HIM
      THat that must have been REALLY hard for him and freeing at the same time .

      As for “Us” I told her there isn’t an US . I don’t know if there will ever be an US again . The damage of the lying and hiding , I think for me has come to the end of the road .Ill never be lied to again . To ensure this , I can not be with him .

      I care about him . I want him to get the help and support he needs . But not from me in that way .


     
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  13. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    I think sex for PA’s is all in their minds. You gals are right they use our bodies as receptacles, but in the PA’s mind they are the most attentive and attuned partners you will ever find.
    Funny how sex only lasts well a few minutes...in straight missionary position.
    Susannah...I hear ya on the Gold Star Day.
    Sadgirl...it is insulting and hurtful
     
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  14. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Of course I didn’t sleep tossing and turning . I was thinking how well and good he told someone , anyone .
    Of course I’m still perplexed why he hadn’t reached out to ME .
    I know it’s Shame spiral .
    Regardless of what he told his sister , he’s had 2 weeks home alone . With a laptop .
    Different story all together if he returned the laptop , sent me proof of returning . Was remorseful to ME . Tmrw is going to be VERY awkward.
     
  15. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Blech I’m sick to my stomach . Weird symptoms are coming back . Ugg .
     
  16. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Hugs to you. I know today is going to be a tough one.
     
  17. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    He. Is. Not. Here.
    He wasn’t here at 9:30a when my oldest texted him that we’d be home in an hour and he needed help unpacking his car simple to to my oldest “ I’m not home “ His duffle is gone . So he either left early this morning or late last night . F him .
    He has the home laptop which is the only one all the banks and CC recognize. Ugg now I’m worried about the money . His only shoes missing are his slide ins . Why do I bother caring . I was HOPING for a long overdue verbal conversation .
    Of course I’ve hidden all that from the boys . But they haven’t seen him in 2 weeks . Wtf is he doing . They expected him to be here . And the asshole never put the AC in bedroom so now my boys have to do it . Trying to ground myself but this is HARD . I would much prefer an awkward AF conversation over more Stonewalling.
     
  18. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    ♥️♥️
     
  19. Susannah

    Susannah Fapstronaut

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    Thinking of you....
     
  20. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Thanks love ❤️
     

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